Perilous (Harry Styles)

chapter 32

"Spaces between us keep getting deeper. It's harder to reach her, even though I've tried. Spaces between us hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless and I don't know why. Who's gonna be the first to say goodbye?"

– One Direction, Spaces

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Everything around me happened in fast-forward, while I was motionless in front of the barely opened door. My brain seemed to be short-circuited, nothing made any sense.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes until I saw nothing but sparkles, my hand then wandering across my face to reach the roots of my hair, forcefully tugging at it.

My skin was cold and clammy, my pulse weak and my breathing rapid. I felt light-headed, the world around me wavering with every breath I took.

I felt far too weak, on the edge of fainting.

There was no way my eyes were showing me the truth, that all of this was really happening.

I had to get out of here, and I had to get out now.

Taking a step back, my legs threatened to give way, causing me to stumble. Something about this barely noticeable action made him look up.

My breath stocked in my lungs when those so damn familiar emerald green eyes connected with mine, and a thousand memories shot through me at the speed of lightning, overwhelming me until I felt tears swell up in my eyes.

By the way his eyes widened I could tell that he was surprised to see me. Harry's pinkish lips plopped open in shock, but not a single word that could stop me came out.

I blinked rapidly, not daring to let any tears fall down. Swiftly turning around, I sprinted out of the apartment, leaving the front door wide open in my haste to get away.

Once the warm air outside hit my face, I slowed down. When I didn't hear any cars – not bothering to check with my eyes – I crossed the street, fumbling with the car keys in my hands.

"Fuck," I yelled when they fell down, hitting the concrete.

Tears were clouding my vision, making it hard for me to see and even harder to grab the keys off the ground, my fingernails painfully scratching across the street.

I finally succeeded and quickly stood up again, my fingers constantly missing the opening button. Sighing in frustration, I tried to insert the key into the whole, definitely leaving some scratches.

But at the moment, I couldn't care less. I simply had to get away, that was the only thought on my mind.

My rapid breathing was echoing in my ears, the blood rushing through my system making me feel impossibly hot. Once I had unlocked the car, I tumbled inside and slammed the door shut.

Involuntarily, my eyes flickered back to Harry's apartment. I had no idea what I had expected to see. Maybe a teeny tiny little part of me hoped he would chase after me and explain this mess.

That was the reason why you should never get your hopes up too high, so you wouldn't end up being disappointed.

Turning on the engine and driving off with a loud screech, I didn't even bother to fasten my seatbelt. I just had to get away, far away until there was nothing holding me back anymore.

The tears were streaming down my face now, silently, but I was biting my lip too hard, making it bleed, to stop my inner turmoil. I couldn't let myself cry, he wasn't worth it.

I knew I should have just walked. I knew I shouldn't have driven the car in my current state. I knew better, but I had ignored the voices in my head yelling at me to stop.