The Mafia's Bride and Groom's (fxmxmxm)

Be kind be kind be kind

William Reed is a hot mess dressed in thin white fabric and thick blood soaked bandages. He wasn't awake when they finally saw him, wasn't aware of Nya and Angel crying over his bed or Lucifer holding his hand while he lay there unconscious. Will was somewhere far away, somewhere the drugs could drag and drop him, and now he lays atop his hospital bed as a prisoner to his own mind. 

There is nothing in this prison of his. There is no time, no sound, no smell. Will's prison is empty, all except himself, and he is by far the worst company to have. 

But...he dreams. If only to fill up some of the emptiness inside him. 

Will dreams. He dreams of them as kids, and sometimes it's a good dream, but sometimes...

He dreams of how Angel's parents used to steal their Angel away. How Lucifer's mother used to give them life lessons with butterfly knives, with matches and fire and hand grenades. He dreams of his father. His father who would hit him. Who would break his bones and tell him he was never going to be anything, tell him he was a machine, a weapon, and he should act like a man one of these days. 

Will dreams of his family. He dreams of the pink scars around Nya's throat, the way her waist is too skinny because her bottom ribs have been removed. He dreams of her scratchy voice, not the one she's designed to come out of her translator, but the real one that hurts her every time she uses it. He dreams of the way Macy Helgrim would torture them, the way the Vicemans would play rigged games, the way his father would rip him apart, over and over and over-

Will dreams of pain and not all of it is his. 

He dreams of it anyways. 

So, in the silence of his mind, in the prison of his own motionless body, Will weeps. He cries and brawls within himself. He screams silently because, now with all this time to think, he is ashamed. 

Ashamed that he could ever leave his family after all they had gone through together. Ashamed that he wasn't strong enough after his father died, ashamed that he didn't know who he was without someone telling him. 

He's so ashamed of the person he let the world mold him into, scared because he was never really that strong to begin with. 

Will cries because of the years he missed. Cries because he let Angel suffer alone, let Lucifer become entrapped in the power he never asked for, let Nya go through hell and back over and over-

Will weeps because he hates himself. He should have never left for those three years. He should have never been so weak, never let himself lose what he loves for even a moment... 

Fuck. He loves them and love fucking hurts, but he doesn't deserve to love them. 

Not when Nya is a clever god, not when Lucifer is the devil incarnate, and Angel is practically from heaven itself. Will is a puzzle piece that never quite fit and he is so so very ashamed...

So while he is asleep, while he is whisked away in pain and the drug-filled haze, Will crys, weeps, falls, and hates himself. 

They deserve someone better. They deserve someone stronger. They deserve someone who is not ashamed to love them. 

Will lets himself crumble in a prison of his own design and he has no intention of letting himself out of it. 

***

Lucifer was silent and stone-like when they finally saw Will after the surgery. So was Angel for that matter, through the model can't stop the stream of lingering tears that leave his silver gaze. 

Angel cries, but Nya balls. 

Nya, who is kind and loving and perfect, runs to Will's side and weeps at the sight of him in pain.