If I cant have you

Chapter 23

ACE'S P.O.V

I lost her. I fucked up bad. I knew I should've told her before, before she finds out herself. She was heartbroken when she found out about Jack being the culprit and the criminal. Now she she sees the devil in me. I swear it's not my fault, I didn't do anything it was my father.

I am sitting on the floor of my room crying like a pathetic person. Ashley was my light, she saw the good in me, she believed in me. I can't live without her and no matter what I do I know she won't have me back. I don't even know why she followed me to Scott's room, I wish I had seen her earlier so I would keep my mouth shut.

I reminisce on everything we have had together. The amazing times, I have lost and will never get back. Even after all the horrendous shit I did she tells me she will always love me. She will never love anyone after me. Her last ever kiss still lingers on my lips. I can't sleep anymore, I need her she was my oxygen. The way she smiled, every room would light up when she walked in. Her perfect blue eyes, ones I can stare in and never get tired of. Now I am all alone. I don't even know where she is or where she went. I swear only if she gives me another chance for me to explain to her.

It was my father, I was not responsible. He even killed my mother, his own wife. Now I have to pay for his actions, Ashley meant the world to me. I felt like everything will be okay with her by my side. I should have told her. I knew her the second she walked in this house, this was the reason I didn't talk to her much when she came. Ashley told me I looked familiar to her but I never told her. I was scared, and soon I fell for her. I fell hard and now I feel lonely. No one by my side. I swear I will go find her and tell her it wasn't me. Tell her the truth. 

Ashley's P.O.V

I sigh and sit into Jack's car. He is dropping me off at the airport and I am taking the next flight to New York. The car ride is silent. None of us say a word, I look out the window tears running down my face. I miss him, I love Ace more than anything. I know for sure I can never hate him and I will always love him no matter what. Tears coming out even faster than before, I think of all the times that we spent together. All the moments. Paris, Bora Bora. I remember the first time I ever saw him. His brown eyes captivated me in ways nothing ever could.

The first time he told me I looked pretty, all I have left of him are the memories. Memories I want to forget but I will never get rid of them. I saw my future in his eyes, how did we crash so hard? 

"Heylo? Earth to Ashley" Jack says snapping me out of my thoughts. I quickly wipe away the tears so Jack doesn't see me crying. "Please Ash, don't cry" Jack comforts me. "Jack I can not be thankful enough to you. For everything you did. I know it will sound stupid but please take care of Ace" I say feeling pathetic.

"Ash I will" With that being said Jack takes out my luggage and hugs me tight. I walk into the airport not even turning back once. I want to forget everything. Every single thing except Ace. I don't regret a single thing. I boarded the plane and sat at the window seat. I look down to see the bracelet Ace gave me. It is still on my hand. The promise ring he gave me still sits in my finger and I won't take it off anytime soon. I kinda also snuck his hoodies with me so that I can smell him in them, so that whenever I miss him I'll wear those hoodies.

I cry all over again, why did it have to turn out like this? I ask myself. A few hours later I see New York City beneath me. A new beginning and I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I got of the plane and a sudden wave of relief washes over me. I felt like a weight go lifted over my shoulders. I took a cab and looked outside the car window as we drove through the city. It was beautiful and I can finally start fresh, did I mention not ever letting my walls down ever again ? Not now not ever no matter what.

I arrive at the hotel and got greeted by a friendly receptionist. I checked in and got a key to my room. I must say it was fairly big, big enough for me. it had a bed with two bedside tables, a desk, a cupboard and a bathroom. I wasn't planning to stay here for long since I planned to buy an apartment in the centre of the city. I wanted a view of the empire state building as well as times square park. 

I se my things and decided to head out to explore a bit and to find myself a new place. I had saved some places to see. I go to Starbucks and get myself a coffee and went onto apartment hunting. Long story short two days later I found the perfect place. At the perfect location. I soon bought it and moved in there. It was wonderful. I applied to NYU and surprisingly I got accepted! I was thrilled to start there.

It was a Friday morning and I woke up to the beautiful view outside my windows. Since I had a lot to do on my agenda list, I got up, got dressed and decided to get breakfast on the way since I don't have much in my apartment yet. I went to ikea, a place I know I will find everything. I booked furniture pieces and decor. I bought the necessities like plates, utensils, pots, pans and cups. On my way back I bought a coffee machine because I couldn't live without it.

It was a long day and I still had so much to do so I head home and go straight to bed. It is the next morning but this time I am at target to but groceries, school supplies and essentials. After that I head to the mall to buy some outfits and a few other things. Today is a Saturday and the furniture will arrive at Sunday so I have a whole day to set my apartment.

My furniture finally came and I had so much fun adjusting and setting my house after I was all done with everything it was about 5pm and I was really for college tomorrow at NYU. Right now I am sitting in my bedroom on my bed and looking out the window watching the sun set and my mind drifts away to Ace. Tears steam down my cheeks, I miss him terribly. I didn't have a choice though, I wish I could stay.

Authors note

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