Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

Ang Babae sa CR ng Starbucks

Once upon a time, sumama ako sa officemates ng nanay ko noong naisipan nilang mag-food trip. I don't usually enjoy socializing but this deserved to be an exception. Free food, fuckers!

As they were skimming through a wide selection of fancy restaurants and fancy stores, I was left sitting somewhere, appalled by how underdressed I was. Anyway, Starbucks was destination number three sa food trip na ito.

I meant $tarbuck$.

So, ayun. Naglakad-lakad muna ako bago pumasok sa Starbucks, naghahanap ng taong mas panget ang suot sa akin. (Wala akong nahanap.) Once I opened the door, I was welcomed by the sight of what one expects to see at Starbucks: Well-dressed socialites, well-dressed teenagers, noisy well-dressed children, and a person tapping away at a Macbook Air's keyboard—writing what I presumed was schoolwork. Or erotic fanfiction, who knows.

But enough of that. Ihing-ihi na kasi ako noong nakarating kami sa Starbucks: Ihing-ihi as in sasabog-na-pantog-ko level, so I instinctively made a beeline for the restroom. The fraps and the lattes can wait.

As expected, the restroom was occupied.

Thankfully, mayroon naman daw palang CR sa second floor. (Advantages of regularly visiting Starbucks: Knowing where the restrooms are. On second thought, ako lang yata 'yung hunghang na hindi sanay makakita ng CR sa second floor ng mga coffee shop at restaurant.)

As expected, that restroom was also occupied.

Dahil doon, naghintay na lang ako sa labas nung CR. Much to my dismay, the lady occupying the restroom seemed to think of it as a place to kill time. Nakikipagchika siya [on her phone..?] tungkol sa kung ano mang shit. Hindi ko na maalala 'yung topic, basta alam ko juicy. I lightly kicked the door three times to signal that someone with a full bladder was waiting outside, but to no avail. Tumunganga na lang ako.

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[Insert intermezzo here.]

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Awa ng Diyos, lumabas na si object of interest matapos ang isang mahabang dramarama. Binuksan ko agad yung pinto, but it didn't budge. There seemed to be something else stuck in there. A dog? An illegally imported animal? 100 bags of crack cocaine? A corpse? Nope, it was something worse: Another living, breathing human being. Last time I checked, hindi ganito ang itsura ng cellphone.

What the fuck.

Una sa lahat, hindi ko ma-gets kung ano 'yung point ng pagpapapasok ng isa pang tao sa loob ng CR; particularly because of the fact na ISANG TAO LANG ANG KASYA SA CR NA 'YUN. Ginagawa rin 'to ng nanay ko. Uhh... ever heard of this thing... called... paghihintay sa LABAS NG CR?!?

Ina: O bakit sinasara mo na yang pinto? Papasok din ako. Hindi ako titingin.

Me: What the fudge.

Hindi ko ma-gets 'yung point ng pagtatago sa CR kung nag-me-makeup/selfie lang si Cellphone Girl at ang kanyang female friend na naipit ko behind the door. Kung top secret shit man 'yung pinag-uusapan nila, uso rin humanap ng secluded area elsewhere. Hindi naman ako mandidiri kung nag-mo-momol man sila or naghuhugasan ng pwet ng isa't-isa roon sa loob, kaso pakinsyet lang. May karapatan din akong mag-CR kahit mukha akong tuod.

I'll let this slide dahil hindi ko rin naman naintindihan kung ano'ng nangyari. You two... kung magkita man ulit tayo for some absurd reason, sana hindi na mangyari 'to. Pull that shit on me again at iihian ko na mga mukha ninyo, bishes!

x Unprettier