ABDICATION

51.

I could have been pushing him away, or maybe yelling at him. Maybe a better option could be running far far away from him. But here when I found myself pinned to the wall by him. I felt vulnerable.

I don't feel vulnerable because I didn't want to be here. I feel vulnerable because I have began to like being here.

Have I already got myself inside the volcano I was running from?

Am I going to end up burned and dead?

The realisation made my eyes tear up while I keep my stare still in his eyes. I saw his forehead scrunch and he suddenly let go of the sharp edge against my belly and throw it away as if it burned his hand.

His same hand came flying to my cheek to wipe the single tear that was able to escape.

"Did I hurt you?" He voice was so full of concern that it made me cry even hard.

Please don't do the things I like you do to. It would make it difficult for me to leave.

Why do I have to fall for him so bad?

And so fast?

Is it even possible?

"What's wrong?" He force my chin up to look at me more clearly.

"I'm scared." I whimper through my tears.

I was so strong. Why am I a whimpering mess in front of him?

"Did somebody threaten you?" His voice has a angry edge before it turns fully raged. "I will slaughter their neck with my bare hands. " he rub his thumb up and down on my jaw.

I nodded no.

Should I be honest? 

"Tell me, love." He encouraged and I was ready to spill out all my life secrets to him.

"I'm scared that if we keep doing this..." I whimpered again.

"I won't be able to leave." I looked away.

"Why, love? " his eyes searched mine and I couldn't look away anymore.

If I tell you you might ban me from your Kingdom.

"I think I'm going to fall harder for you if you keep doing all these little things."

Right there is committed the only sin I have done in my life.

Fallen for the Prince.

Shouldn't have.

I was expecting a blow right in my guts or maybe call of security to take me one of the cell.

But his eyes searched mine again and again as if he didn't understand what I have said.

It was a mistake. It all was a mistake.  It was a mistake from the moment it all started.

I wonder what would have happened if my father never fall from his horse?

"I must tell you,....  it's not about your money.....It's not about your position or status...... I have fallen for you. The real you. The little things you do. The way you want me to obey you....everything that you do." My voice broke at the end.

There was no point in crying now. Congratulations to me for ruining my own life.

"Now you can kill me if you want to...."

"Love." He called name he has given of me. And I see the irony now.

I force my self to stop crying. I wipe my tears and took  a long breath.