ABDICATION

59.

When he was dragging me to his room, i tried to pull away my hand all the way. I clawed at his hand, hit his arm, bite his knuckle but he didn't let go. I didn't want to be anywhere near him. I was so angry at him. So much. As soon as we reached his doors, I hold the door handles in tight grip. Without turning back he pulled hard but I didn't give up. Queen was not in sight anymore and I was grateful for that. When he swiftly turned around I saw his red eyes and I was scared for a moment.

"Let. Go." He commanded me in his dominating voice but I hold it more tightly with my hand. My other hand which was in his clutch was smashed in between his fingers. I hold back the gasp of pain.

I don't even want to look at him now. I looked away furiously. He took a step towards me and snatch my face back to front.

"Don't you dare to look away from me like that." He warned me pressing his thumb in my chin. I winced a little but my eyes kept still.

Be strong. Be courageous.

"And don't you dare touch me." I spat back snatching my hand away from his which came easily this time.

Before I could turn I was smashed into the door with a thud. My jaw tighten at the pang of pain but I keep my moans to myself. He pinned me to the wall by holding my both shoulders.

"I can do whatever I want to do to  what's mine." He clench his teeth.

"I pity you for your huge misunderstanding." I faked a chuckle and look away.

"I'm. Not. Yours." I stated angrily and punched him hard in his chest. But his grip lossened for only a second before my both hand were clutched tightly behind my back and I was pressed to his front.

"Watch out. What if your lover saw us like this?" I warned him looking away wiggling in his grip.

"She's not in my lover, for god's sake." His finger dug into my skin.

My breaths were short.

"Just my fiance." He added looking sideways.

And that's broke my dam. Hearing it from him did break a dam of tears in me.

I let it go. I let them flow. Drop after drop after drop.

"Why would you do that to me?" I sobbed looking up at him. But he didn't look my way.

He stay still. Not saying anything. Just breathing deeply.

"Why do you had to play with my feelings like that?" I cried but this time he looked down at me.

"I never played with your feelings. You know how much I want you." He bring his face closer.

"What about her?" I asked pulling back from him.

He close his eyes and breath hard.

"Dad decided that. Months ago." He tried to explain. "I didn't loved anybody at that time. So I said yes." He added.

"But you could have told me." I sob again.

"And lose you? Lose somebody who actually love me for who I'm. Lose someone who actually made me feel how good it felt to be loved." He bring his forehead near mine.

My knees felt weak. Not with his proximity but by guilt.

"She looks so innocent." I whispered.

He open his mouth but didn't said anything.

"You can't do this to her." I plead.

"I'm not letting you go, if that's what are you implying here." He sounds determined.

Then call off the marriage.

I didn't said it.

If he really want me to be with him. He would have already call off the marriage by now.

"That's being selfish." I commented. "Very selfish."

"I sacrifice my happiness to fulfil my parents wants. I think there is no harm for me choosing my happiness now." He growled.

"What if she loves you more than me?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter who loves me most rather its who I love most." His voice fall low.

"It's always you." He added and I couldn't help my cry harder.

"Marry me then?" I proposed. Yes I just asked that. Am I insane?

His eyes turn shocked for a moment before they turn soft. So soft.

Moment passed and he still stare at me softly before he looked away and his hands loose their grip. Still looking away he took some steps back.

Oh.

Oh!

All breath left my lungs.

This is his answer.

I'm so stupid. I'm an idiot.

Such a fool I'm.

I had to take a feeo breath so I don't choke on my own tears when I speak.

"Congratulations then." I started. "Can't wait this month to be over so I can go far away so I don't had to see your face ever again."

Without waiting for his reaction I turn around.

Now he can go to hell.