Find Me in Philadelphia //nolan patrick

28. If I Told You

The next morning, I wake up with Nolan's alarm at 8 am. Before I am fully aware that it's morning, he reaches for his phone to turn it off and then drops his head deeper into my chest.

Last night after the emotional breakthrough, we laid in bed and talked for a couple hours about it. He's extremely stressed about his current play, even more so than I thought.

I wish I could do more for him than hug him, but it seemed to cheer him up at least a little bit. He laid his head against my stomach last night and I played with his hair; that seemed to soothe him. I also tried to remind him that everyone goes through rough patches, especially athletes, and that he's been having a great rookie season despite the past couple of weeks where the whole team (not just him) has been struggling.

I just wanted to try to give him some perspective. It seemed like he was diving head first into a tunnel of self doubt and criticism, void of any reason or double vision.

It worked at least a little because, while laying together after all that talking, he whispered "thanks," to me and promptly fell asleep with his head on my chest and arm draped over my hips.

This morning, as we both wake up slowly, he pulls my hands so that they rest on the mop of hair on his head. "Play with it," he mumbles sleepily.

I smile to myself and start gently running my fingers through his hair like I did last night. It's good to know that this calms him down. He has practice at 10 and I know that he isn't feeling very confident in his play recently, so he is most likely dreading practice.

"Good morning," I say after a few minutes of this. He nuzzles his face lower down my body to my stomach and mumbles the same greeting back. "You tired?" I ask. He nods his head.

"How are you feeling about practice?" I ask.

He sighs and sits up straighter. I drop my hands to my lap as he rests his head on my shoulder instead. He picks up my hands and intertwines our fingers in his lap. He's very touchy since last night and it's a welcomed surprise. "Not great," he says. "Do you wanna come?" He adds hopefully. I was planning on spending the day studying for my exam later, but I can always bring my notes to the rink. My exam isn't until three anyway.

"Yeah I'll go," I agree and he smiles at me before leaning down to peck my lips. I don't even care about my morning breath; I kiss him back.

"By the way," he says. "I'm really sorry for how I've been acting. I feel terrible and I've been a sucky boyfriend."

He already apologized last night. "Don't beat yourself up anymore than you already have," I tell him. "I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere. Just focus on hockey, okay? I'm not going anywhere," I assure him.

He smiles at me again and I do the same. The turn around since yesterday has been remarkable. It's amazing what a few hours of talking can do for someone who never lets their feelings out.

"I guess I should get ready," he says finally and rolls out of the bed. Just as he's about to enter the bathroom, he turns his head back to me and winks quickly. I chuckle as he disappears and I hear the shower running.

What a dork. My dork, but still.

It only takes me a few minutes to change into a pair of jeans and a university sweatshirt, so I take care of breakfast as well.

"After practice do you wanna get lunch somewhere before your exam?" Nolan asks from the couch in the living room.

"Wanna go to like McDonald's or something?" I ask and sit down on his lap. "I need somewhere to cram."

He smiles but agrees while wrapping his arms around my hips and turning me around so I'm straddling him. "Anything for the world's best student," he jokes.