Find Me in Philadelphia //nolan patrick

39. So Now What

It's four am before I'm anywhere close to falling asleep.

I've been up for the last two hours, not being able to sleep. I don't know if I expected Nolan to come in or not, but he doesn't.

Travis did though. "Sam, it's Travis. Can I come in?" He knocked softly and I sat up in the bed before telling him to come in.

When he opens the door, I can see that Nolan is passed out on the living room couch, but Travis shuts the door behind him and flips on the light switch. "You alright?" He asks and sits on the edge of the bed.

I nod, pushing hair out of my face. "I mean, yeah," I say at first. Travis' facial expression beckons me to elaborate. "He really embarrassed me in front of the girls in my sorority."

Travis nods. "Yeah. But if you were my girlfriend I woulda done the same thing," he adds. I sigh in frustration. Why are boys only satisfied with violence?

"Sam, c'mon. You know no guy would let the guy that hurt his girlfriend walk free without trying to beat him up," Travis reasons.

"I know, but this isn't the first time. After the last time he punched him, he promised he wouldn't do it again," I explain. "And this time it was in front of practically all my friends at school."

Travis and I both sit in silence for a minute, not knowing what to say I guess. At least I don't know what to say.

"Hey listen," Travis says softly, prompting me to look up at him. His eyes are soft just like his voice. It's a different side of him that I haven't seen. "I know I mess around with you a lot, but I don't wanna see you hurt either. I'm really sorry that happened to you."

I bite my lip because I feel a sob coming on. "Thanks Trav," I say quietly. Seeing him be so sympathetic is making me emotional. I slide over a bit on the bed so I'm close enough, and wrap my arms around his neck. He hugs me back and squeezes, in the same way that he does after games.

"Between me and Nol, it's never gonna happen again," he states. I laugh a bit and separate from him; I know that it's impossible for him to make a promise like that, but his face is totally stoic.

He leaves, I fall asleep, now just wanting Nolan.

The next morning, I wake up early. Despite how tired I was last night, I slept for barely four hours. I just feel exhausted, hungover, and angry at Nolan.

After I locate my shoes from last night, I quietly leave the guest room. Nolan's still on the couch in the living room, his arm hanging off the small sofa.

I avoid looking at him, because I love how he looks when he's asleep and seeing him will make me forgive him.

However, I do see his phone laying flat on the floor. I can see the dead battery icon on the screen, so I pick it up in search of a charger. I end up in the kitchen, where there's a charger plugged in by the counter top. I connect his phone and then lay it gently on the counter. There. At least his phone will be charged when he wakes up.

"Sam?"

I jump slightly at the unexpected voice, and turn around. "Travis, you scared me," I say and clutch a hand over my chest. "Sorry," he says and yawns. "What's going on? It's early."

"I know," I say. "I can't sleep and I think I'm gonna go home. Thanks for letting me stay last night."

"Wait but, what about Nol?"

"What about him?"

"I mean, he's gonna wonder where you are..."

"I think he'll survive, Travis. Just tell him I'm at home." I don't see why this is a big deal. I know Travis is just confused and caught in the middle, but I don't wanna keep talking about every possible event.

"You're not like... breaking up with him, are you?" He asks.

I shrug. I thought about taking a few days alone, just to sort out my feelings about his actions yesterday. But I don't know. "I don't know," I mumble.

"I don't wanna tell you what to do," he starts cautiously, "but he's my best friend and I know he'd be a mess if you did."

I sigh and raise my hands in frustration. "It's not like I want to. But what he did made me feel like shit. He said he wouldn't start a fight ever again and then he fucking did right in front of me. I don't like feeling like what I say isn't taken seriously," I vent.

"He didn't mean it, Sam. Everyone was drunk and it was just instinct to go after the guy. You know he wouldn't purposely try to hurt you. He was literally trying to do the opposite," Travis argues.

"Whenever any little thing related to Alex or what happened comes up, he just wants to talk about it to me and I don't wanna fucking talk about it!" I whisper yell at him. I don't usually say the f word either, but I didn't realize how pissed I am.

"I mean look you don't have to tell me what happened, but he was probably just trying to make sure you're okay. You know he cares about you more than anything..."

Travis really is so genuine, I know that Nol's his best friend and he really is a good friend. "No I know, I just- I need space."

"But Sam-" Travis starts but I have to cut him off. I know he's just gonna keep defending Nolan and though I love how much he supports Nolan, I don't need that right now. If anything I just need someone to listen to me vent about the relationship. I have to cut him off.

"I don't wanna talk about this-"

"You're breaking up with me?"
Shit. Nolan must've woken up by our arguing, and he's standing by the doorway to the kitchen, hands in his pockets and swaying uncomfortably on his feet.

"No, Nolan," I spit out. "I mean I don't know, I just need space," I repeat. His face drops into an expression so sad. I don't know how to explain it really, the last time he looked anywhere near to how he does now was way back at the beginning of the season when he wasn't playing too good.

"Sam I'm sorry," he says quietly, almost whining.

I'm incredibly aware of both Travis' presence right now and the fact that I really think I need a break from Nolan. I don't wanna embarrass him or anything in front of his best friend.
I pull my jacket around my body, just wanting to be alone.

"We'll talk later, okay?" I say and head towards him. He's standing in the doorway, I can't really avoid it. I'm looking at him, waiting for him to say something but he doesn't; he just stares at me and then looks at the ground.

I sigh. "I'm sorry, Travis. Thanks for letting me stay here last night." He smiles, though it's strained, and assures me that it's no problem.

I go to walk out of the kitchen then, but one of Nolan's hands stretch out to my hip, turning me back a bit. "Lemme drive you home," he whispers. I shake my head. "Nol I'll call you later okay?"

He sticks his hand back in his pocket and then nods, staring at the ground. I really don't mean to make him sad.

I leave the apartment then. I need to check the bus schedule but honestly that's not my biggest priority right now.