I Loved You Before I Met You

27

   Once I reach Ms. Smith's door, I don't even knock. I swing the door open and let it slam shut which causes her to jump in her chair. She is just staring at me as I quickly walk to her desk dropping my backpack along the way. Before she can say anything I grab her face and take her lips with mine. Her lips are nothing like Lauren's but I try not to think about that since I'm doing this to get my mind off of her.

   I straddle Ms. Smith while she's in her chair and I kiss her hard. I hear a muffled noise escape which I'm guessing is a moan. After a few seconds of me kissing her she finally starts kissing me back. I move my hands from her face to her back and pull her into me more. Her body is tense but finally relaxes the more we kiss. Even though I deepen the kiss, I never bring my tongue into play. I just... I can't bring myself to do that. She's not Lauren.

   As we continue to kiss, I move my hands to the front of her blouse and start unbuttoning it. Once her blouse is open I break free from the kiss and my lips travel down her jawline to her neck. "Kyler..." Ms. Smith whispers while trying to catch her breath. I don't listen to her, instead I start kissing on her chest inching my way to her red lace covered breasts. "Kyler... we can't do this," she says. Again I don't listen because I want this. No, I don't want this, I need this and I need it now but not because I actually want her. I'm just using her to get my mind off of Lauren which I know is wrong.

   Ms. Smith is still trying to tell me it's not a good idea in between her moans and her hands gripping my hips but I know she apparently wants this by her body's reaction and the moans. I move my mouth down and kiss across the top of her breasts. I look up and her head is against the chair and her eyes are closed as she is breathing heavily. She opens her eyes and says "I... I don't... you're not... my type...  but don't... don't stop... it's been a while for me." That's all I need to hear to continue and she grips onto my hips pulling me closer. I just need an escape from Lauren and seems like I'm finally getting it.

   I am so lost in what I am doing to Ms. Smith that I don't hear the door open and apparently she doesn't either. All of a sudden I hear someone yell "what the hell is going on in here?" I stop as soon as I hear that voice because I know who it is. I get off of Ms. Smith's lap and stand up straight and turn around to see Laurens eyes wide and hear her gasp when she sees me.

   "Kyler!" is all she says while staring at me. I look at Lauren and see her eyes drop from mine to my swollen lips then back up. She realizes I am staring at her and clears her throat ready to speak again. "W-What do you two think you are doing? Kyler you should know better, this is not like you. And Ms. Smith, you... you definitely know better than to engage in a... sexual relationship with a student. You could lose your job for this and... get your blouse buttoned up now." Lauren says with anger.

   I have never seen Lauren this mad and before she can say anything else I interrupt her "Lauren, it's not Ms. Smith's fault. Don't be mad at her, this is all my doing. She told me we shouldn't but I wouldn't listen." Lauren stares at me and in a shaky voice says "Kyler, go home... and I mean straight home. We will discuss this when I get there this afternoon. I cannot even talk to you right now because I'm so..." She shakes her head as the words die in her throat.

   "Okay Lauren but please don't fire Ms. Smith, she is a good teacher and it really wasn't her fault. I should have never done that and I should have stopped when she first said to. I promise it will never happen again. You can even swap me to another class just don't report her and don't fire her." I plead. "Just go home Kyler," Lauren says without looking directly at me.

   I know I have fucked up when I look at Lauren but I notice it isn't just anger or disappointment in her eyes. Her eyes are glossy like she is trying to keep from crying. Is she a mad crier or is she hurt? It looks like jealousy in her eyes too. Is she actually jealous that I was making out with Ms. Smith? No she couldn't be could she? She doesn't like me like that, right?

   I leave the classroom and go straight outside and sit down on the sidewalk. Lauren told me to go home but apparently she forgot I don't have a car anymore. Right about that time my phone goes off with a text message. I pull my phone out and see it's from Lauren. Opening the message I read it 'Ride home with Lila if she is done or get an Uber home. I would let you take my car but I just can't be around you right now.'

   After reading her message I open the Uber app and request a ride so I can get home. I don't want to piss Lauren off any more than she already is. Honestly though, it did hurt when she said she couldn't even be around me. I know I have no right to be hurt by her words after what I did. It still hurts regardless though and the last thing I ever wanted was for Lauren to be disappointed in me or hurt because of me.

   I hope Mike isn't home because once he finds out there is no telling what will happen. There's also no telling what will happen once Lauren gets home. I bet she is calling Mike and telling him already. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking obviously. Well, I was thinking with my vagina and thinking about Lauren. How can my feelings for someone make me so crazy? Why do I have to have feelings for her?