I Loved You Before I Met You

36

I figure I will just drive around for a while and take in some more of the beautiful scenery that San Antonio has to offer. That way I'm out of Lauren's hair and it gives her plenty of time to herself. I know she is probably freaking out but she kissed me first. Well, this time she kissed me first. I can't believe she asked why I had kissed her back. Seriously?

There was no way I wasn't going to kiss her back. That kiss is what I've been wanting. Feeling her lips on mine just sends my heart into overdrive. I mean, she knows I am insanely attracted to her. For me though, it's more than just being attracted to her. Of course she is beautiful but she is so much more. Ughh, this is so fucked up!

I wish I could convince Lauren to give us a chance but I know she is scared. Not only is she scared for her job but I believe she is scared of her feelings for me and because she is attracted to me. Maybe she is scared for some other reason, who knows. I know she could get in trouble if we were together. She may not be married to my sperm donor anymore but she is still the principal at my school. I definitely would not want to be the reason she got in trouble. The truth is, I know what could happen if the wrong person found out. She would be fired, maybe even hit with a lawsuit or possible jail time. Hell, she would never be a principal or teacher again with that on her record. I know she is forbidden to me but... I still want her.

I know it's stupid of me for falling for Lauren. It's also stupid of me to think that things would magically work out and we could be together. I know she keeps shutting down the idea of us being together even after graduation but I still want her. I know it's not going to happen and there's really nothing I can do about that but accept it. Just being around her everyday and not being able to have her and call her mine is literally breaking my heart.

The way I see it, there's only one logical solution to all of this mess. I have to just let Lauren go. I have to let my feelings for her go and move on and by move on I mean move back to Pensacola. Definitely not move on to another woman. I don't feel like I would have this strong of feelings for anyone but Lauren. This is all I think about anymore. I feel like my head is going to explode because my brain will not shut off.

I know I have two weeks left before I graduate here. I'm kind of to the point though, that I would rather have to repeat my senior year because I just don't think I can stay here in San Antonio anymore. That will make it easier on Lauren and maybe then she can be happy. That's all I want, is for her to be happy and if me being gone out of her life will do that then I'm willing to leave. At least that way I can't cause her anymore problems. I would be miserable but at least she wouldn't be unhappy.

I realize I have been gone for about four hours so I head back to Lauren's apartment. Once I get parked I close my eyes for a few minutes to try and clear my head and steady my breathing. I don't know why I'm so worked up over this. It's simple, just go inside and get my stuff, tell her by and then leave. I can do this, I need to do this and I definitely need to make sure I don't look into her eyes. Her eyes always pull me in.

When I get inside the apartment, Lauren is on the sofa in the living room. She jumps up and comes running to me grabbing both of my arms. "Where were you? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" She asks with tears in her eyes. Before I can answer she pulls me into a hug and whispers "I was so worried about you. You were gone for a while." I hug her back but quickly let go. "I'm sorry I just went for a drive to clear my head and give you space." I say as I pull away from her embrace.

Lauren starts going off on another rant and I just can't take it anymore. I need to do what I came back to do but I have to shut her up first. So, I do the only thing I can think of. I grab her face and kiss her lips hard. I move my arms down to her waist and pull her closer. She starts kissing me back with just as much force and I feel her tongue against my lips. I open my mouth and give her tongue entrance.

She wraps her arms around my neck pulling me closer to her. We mold together like we were meant to be. I can feel the heat from her body and her heart is beating like crazy against my chest and I know she can feel mine doing the same. She drops her hands and runs them down my sides to bottom of my shirt and grabs a hold of it, trying to pull me closer. It's like she is trying to keep me from going anywhere even though she doesn't know I'm leaving.

We are both so lost in the kiss that it seems everything else disappears. That is until a moan escapes me and then reality kicks in and she breaks the kiss. Lauren touches her lips and says "shit" and backs away from me while shaking her head. "I'm sorry Lauren, I just had to make you be quiet. I didn't mean to get carried away and I know I should not have done that. I-I promise to... to never kiss you again unless you ask me to. I... I came back to get my stuff. I umm... I think it's best if I... if I just go. I umm... you take care of yourself." I brush past her to go to my room but her hand wraps around my arm spinning me around and pulling me into her and she whispers "don't."