I Loved You Before I Met You

88

   The ride home is quiet but I really don't know what to say. The realization set in that Lauren quit a job that she loved and it's my fault after all. I should have never asked her out after graduation. Hell, I know I should have never pursued her in the first place and she would have never been put in this situation. She loved her job and I came along and ruined her whole life. What was I thinking?

As I'm staring out the window I feel Lauren's hand rub my arm but I don't look at her. She moves her hand from my arm to my thigh and rubs circles on my thigh with her thumb. I still can't look at her because I feel like such a terrible person. She squeezes my thigh hard making me look at her. "Stop over thinking Kyler." She says as she glances at me and smiles. It's not her full smile because it doesn't reach her eyes like it usually does but at least it's not a fake smile.

I look back out the window and Lauren grabs my hand "hey, look at me" she says. I look at her "I know what you're thinking and it's okay. I promise, so stop" she says glancing between me and the road. We pull up at the gate to the apartment complex and she enters the code then we drive around to the apartment. Once she parks her car I look at her, "it's not okay Lauren. I have ruined your life and your career. I didn't think anything would happen since I would no longer be a student."

We both get out of her car and walk to the apartment door. Once we are inside I decide to head to my old bedroom so I can be alone. As I start to walk down the hall Lauren grabs my hand and pulls me to her. She wraps one arm around my waist holding me against her. "What do you want Lauren?" I ask as she caresses my cheek.

"Kyler, I'm seriously not mad about it. It was the right thing to do. I'm definitely not mad at you but for some reason you seem to be mad. Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?" She asks as she stares at me.

"You didn't do anything wrong and I'm not mad at you Lauren. I'm just pissed at myself. I came into your perfect life and messed everything up. I messed up your marriage and caused you to lose your job. A job that you loved."

Lauren slightly laughs and asks "you think my life was perfect before you got here? I can promise you it wasn't. My marriage was already a mess before you moved here if I'm being honest." I still feel like everything is my fault though. No matter how attracted I am to her and how bad I wanted her when we first met I should have stayed away.

Lauren looks at me then continues. "I hardly ever saw Mike and when he was home, he always just expected me to sleep with him so he could get what he wanted. I had suspected before that he might be cheating but didn't want to believe he would do that. I thought he loved me and I thought I loved him. I don't think I was ever in love with him though. I never felt anything for him like I do for you. Yes, you helped bring to light that he is a cheater but my marriage would have eventually ended with or without you here. At least I didn't give into him and try to have a baby because that would have made this harder."

Lauren wraps both arms around me "I love you Kyler and I had already told you before that I would choose you over my job any day but me quitting my job was not because of you. Yes, things between us could have been done differently but I do not regret any of it and I hope you don't either. I could not have stayed there and worked for that homophobia prick anyway. I can't believe he thought I would do him a "favor" to keep my job. I can always look for another principal job or even a teaching job. So when I tell you it's okay, I mean it's okay."

Just looking into Lauren's eyes, I know she is telling the truth and being completely honest but I still feel like crap and still feel responsible. I wrap my arms around her and rest my head against hers. We just stand here embracing each other for a few seconds. She pulls away from our embrace and kisses my lips softly then takes my hand and leads me down the hall to our bedroom.

"Since we have plenty of time until your graduation dinner tonight, I'm going to help you relax and not stress over any of this." Lauren says as she walks to the bathroom. "Strip down," she says from the bathroom and pops her head out the doorway to glance at me. I arch a brow at her but she just smiles and goes back to what she's doing. I do as she told me and walk to the bathroom and hear water running in the tub. Lauren turns to me "look through the bath salts and pick one." I look and pick my favorite scent which smells like her.

Lauren looks at the bath salt as I hand it to her and smiles. "Thanks to you, I love the coconut vanilla scent. It reminds me of you and when we first met." I say as I watch her add the bath salt to the water.

Her face turns red and she shrugs "it's my favorite smell."

I smile "it became mine too." Lauren blushes more and smiles at me contentedly. As she is standing in front of me she looks me up and down, taking in my naked body on full display for her. She licks her lips as her eyes meet mine and she quickly strips her clothes off, throwing them to the side.

Lauren gets in the bathtub and sits down, spreading her legs as wide as they will go. She motions for me to get in and I settle between her legs. She pulls me back so I'm resting against her chest. The water is steaming hot and that mixed with the bath salts and Lauren being here with me starts to relax me.