I Loved You Before I Met You

60

   When Lauren went to the bedroom to put her purse up she never came back to the living room so I went looking for her. She is sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. "What's wrong Lauren?" I softly ask. She shakes her head, "I don't want to talk about it." I walk over to her and sit beside her. "Lauren, I'm trying to be patient but you can't shut me out. Please talk to me, I know something is wrong." She looks up and just stares at me a few seconds. "Everything Mary said just got to me and I know I shouldn't have let it but it did."

I sigh and run my hand through my black hair. "You mean about you and us?" Lauren nods her head yes. "We have been through this already. Don't let Aunt Mary or anyone get in that beautiful head of yours and make you doubt us. This relationship is between me and you. We don't need anyone's approval. Our love for each other and us wanting to be together is all that matters."

Lauren shakes her head. "How many people are going to look at us the way Mary did? How many people will think I preyed upon you and took advantage of you? That was her first thought." I grab her hands "I don't give a damn what she thinks or what anyone else thinks. This has nothing to do with anyone but us. Hell, it really doesn't matter if you would have preyed upon me, because you wouldn't have had to try very hard." She laughs a little and just looks at me.

"Okay, I've got some things I need to say and I need you to just listen and not interrupt me, please." She nods her head and looks down at her hands in mine. "Lauren, you have to decide if you are in this relationship 100% or not. You tell me that you would choose me over your job and go wherever I go for college but as soon as someone finds out about us you start second guessing us and our relationship. That's not fair to me or us."

I look at Lauren and her eyes are glossy but I have to finish what I need to say. "I love you and I'm in love with you. I have never felt anything like this before but this is hurting me. You... are hurting me and our relationship. I want you and want to be with you more than anything else but this can't keep going on."

Lauren shakes her head and opens her mouth but I start talking again before she can say anything. "Everything changed when I met you. I have changed and I have said and did things I never thought I would because of you. I gave myself to you and only you and trusted you to not break my heart."

I kiss Lauren's hands "love can definitely be a scary thing and make you do things you never imagined and I'm a prime example of that. I never wanted a relationship but here I am fighting for one with you. I know Mike hurt you and that's one of the many reasons you question our relationship and let people get to you but I promise you, I am not like him. And as far as other people's opinion on our relationship... fuck them. It's me and you babe so fuck what anyone else thinks."

Lauren looks at me and I see tears run down her cheeks. I sigh because what I'm about to say hurts me and will hurt her too. "If being with you is going to break my heart then we might as well go our separate ways because I'm going to have a broken heart whether I'm with you or not. You have to make a decision about us. We have three days until graduation and I'm giving you until then. By graduation I need to know if you are 100% in this relationship or not. If you are then no more second guessing us."

Lauren leans forward and kisses my lips and my whole body tingles just from feeling her lips on mine. I always want her but I can't let my constant desire for her take over this situation. I don't know if she is trying to distract me or show me she is in this. I pull away from her and stand up. She looks surprised that I pulled away. Her phone starts ringing and I glance down and see her mom is calling.

"It's your mom so you should answer it." Lauren shakes her head "I can call her back." I laugh a little "you know she will just keep calling. I'm going to go grab us Chick-fil-A for dinner..." She answers the phone before I say anything else and puts her finger to my lips and mouths "be quiet." I kiss her cheek then grab my keys and wallet and leave to go get dinner.

At least on my way to get dinner it gives me time to think and gives Lauren time to think too. I really hate that I basically gave her an ultimatum but I really didn't know what else to do.  I know she cares about me and loves me. She loves me enough to risk her job for me and is willing to move for me. I just can't take her being so hot and cold about our relationship when someone finds out. She always second guesses us and that makes me feel like she doesn't care or doesn't love me enough even though I know she does. Will she ever be 100% in this relationship? Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I just don't know but I hope I did the right thing.

After picking up Chick-fil-A, I drive back to the apartment and Lauren is curled up on the couch when I walk inside. She is already looking at me when I glance her way. She quickly gets up and follows me to the kitchen "that smells so good, I am so hungry." I laugh at her as I get our chicken sandwiches and fries out because she is like a kid in a candy store. We sit and eat in silence, then out of nowhere she says "I told my parents."