More, Most, Forever, & Always (COMPLETE)

41. Push-Pop

Travis Swanson-

I couldn't sleep.

She was going to have my baby. It's actually happening but it doesn't feel real.

I turned on the lamp on my side, lying on my side, facing her.

She was beautiful. I know my genetics are potent but I needed our baby to look like her.

Have her blue eyes or the dimple she had.

Anything that resembles her.

I don't care about it being a boy or girl.

All I want is a healthy wife and a healthy baby.

I touched her damp hair, looking at how relaxed and beautiful she was.

I moved her, adjusting her so she was on her back as I pulled down the covers, lifting her tank top.

She was a liar. She was bloated. It was a strange bloat though, her stomach was flat except for the area under her belly button, where a little bloat bump was.

And our baby was somewhere growing in there.

But I had to mentally prepare.

Prepare for her big emotions, her tears, her joy, sadness, anger.

Prepare for her body, her aches, her pains, her being uncomfortable, her desires, her hunger, her cravings, what makes her want to throw up.

Prepare for birth, her body pushing out a human being, her contractions, late nights, minimal sleep, the rawness of it all.

Prepare for postpartum, seeing her feed our baby, seeing her look at herself, knowing she won't sleep much from feeding and worrying about baby, watching her body heal from welcoming a life into the world.

Prepare to be a dad, and a husband, prepare to see my wife become a mom, the new addition to our family.

It was all new, so fresh, well thought through, but you're not ready until it feels real.

And it still feels unreal.

I kissed her stomach, not caring how little this little future being was.

I already felt adoration for it.

I wouldn't say love, and as bad as that sounds I believe that will come in time with growth.

I believe I will feel love when Hailey has a bump, when I know the gender, when it kicks, and especially when Hailey interacts with her stomach, touching it out of comfort, looking down at it, talking to it.

I adore this small thing, and it's made me already love Hailey so much more.

But I was human, and facing the reality eventually is all apart of the process.

I kissed it again, the warmth of her skin under my lips comforting.

She touched my head and I felt bad for waking her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Baby?" She whispered back.

"Hm?" I lifted my head, looking at her.

"Does your mom have orange juice?" She asked.

And so it begins.

"No but I'll get you some." I sat up.

"No. I can wait till morning." She told me.

"Or you can have it when you want it. I can't sleep anyways." I stood.

"Stop, it's late I-"

"Hailey I already told you what I'm gonna do for you." I pulled a shirt over my head.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

This was my tell for the past while.

I knew she was 100% pregnant because of these apologies. She thinks she's asking for too much, bothering me, then she'll get emotional thinking I'm annoyed.

I walked to her, leaning down, pressing my lips to her forehead.

"I love you. I'll be back to hold you. Do you want anything else?" I asked.

"Don't laugh." She wiped her eyes, her voice emotional.

"I won't." I kissed her hair.

"Push-pop." She sniffled.

"No-watermelon baby bottle pop. Or blue raspberry." She sniffled.

"Of course baby. I'll be back. Call me if you need anything." I pressed my lips to hers before leaving.