Secret embraces || harry lewis

35

thirty-five

I walked through the door with the worst hangover I've had in quiet a while. On my head was a messy bun which looked more like a racoon's house than my actual hair. I had a bag in my hand in which everything of Harry was that he kept at my place. His blue jumper, three pairs of briefs, a charger, his toothbrush, and a couple of pictures he hung up on my wall. I cried like a little baby whilst taking them down. They held the best memories of Harry and I. But with one, I couldn't part ways. It was taken back in Greece. Harry and I standing out on a balcony at night. I remember Ethan and Chris giggling like little girls after taking it. That picture was now laying below my pants, in the deepest corner of my closet.

For the first time in forever I decided to wear my glasses. Knowing I'd probably go to the toilet and have a cry in about an hour, I knew that lenses were the last thing I needed today. ''Joan, you look tired. Is everything ok?'' I looked up and saw Sarah in front of me. Looking down at myself I realised why she looked so worried. I tried my best to look like I wasn't a complete mess, by putting on a decent pair of pants and a satin blouse, on which I now saw a black stain of the coffee I had earlier. ''Shit.'' Throwing my head in my neck, I groaned. ''I'm fine, thank you, Sarah.'' She gave me a small smile. ''I've seen the video.'' Rolling my eyes, I nodded. ''Yeah, figured so. Everyone has.'' Placing her hand on my shoulder, she gave me a reassuring smile. ''We'll handle it, alright? You just focus on yourself and work.'' Surprised at her kindness, I nodded and walked up to my office.

Even that looked depressing. The sun was hidden by dark clouds, telling me that the last bit of summer was now officially over. The flowers which Harry has gotten me just a couple of days ago, were now dead. Maybe because I didn't water them enough. My table was a mess, filled with paperwork. It was the perfect cliché of an office after a breakup.

Groaning, I turned my computer on and stared at the bag I just placed on the table. The sooner the better. Leaving the room again, I walked around the working space. Each table was being used by someone who seemed to be head deep in their work. Not being noticed by anyone, I snuck into the studio. Hearing a few voices, I assumed that the boys were already filming. I walked past the Podcast set and saw everyone except JJ sitting on the couch of the moresidemen set. Their heads lifted as they heard me walking closer. ''Joan, Hi.'' Tobi was the first one to acknowledge my presence. He got off the sofa and walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my body. ''I'm so sorry.'' His voice was low, probably not wanting anyone to think he'd pick a side in this mess. I smiled, patting his back. ''Sorry, didn't mean to disturb.''

All of them smiled at me, but it wasn't the usual one. This one was filled with sadness, regret, sorrow. Harry stared at me and noticed the bag. ''I'll just leave this here.'' Locking eyes with Harry, he softly nodded. ''I'll leave you guys to it.'' Swallowing hard, I turned back around and left the sets as quickly as possible. My heart was racing and I realised that wearing glasses really was the smartest idea, because even before I could leave the studio, a small sob left my mouth.

Shutting the door behind me, I ran up to the bathroom, locking myself in a stall. I felt my legs give in and slid down the door. ''Fucking hell.'' Holding my hand over my mouth I tried to stop myself from sobbing. The echo of my broken noises even made me cringe. ''Joan?'' My eyes grew at the sound of someone calling my name. ''Y-Yeah, I'll, I'll be out in just a second.'' The door closed and I let out a relifed sigh before getting off the floor and unlocking the door. But lucky me, Kristy stood leaning against the sink with a sad expression. ''Oh, Joan.'' She pushed herself towards me and wrapped her arms around my weak body. ''Why aren't you at the shoot?'' I managed to whisper. ''They took a break. And judging by the state you're in, I think you could use one too.''

I chuckled a little at her words. ''Just go home, Joan. I'll take care of everything. I managed to before you were here, didn't I?'' I shrugged. To be honest, working was the only thing I could think of that would take my mind off Harry. But with the knowledge that he'd be walking around this office most of the time made me glad about Kristy's offer. ''Just take some time off. Have a selfcare day.'' I gave her a thankful smile and nodded. ''Thank you.'' She smiled back and gave me one last hug before I left the bathroom and walked back inside my office.