Marissa's POV
"Dems, I can't do it."
"Do what, Rissa?"
"I can't go back in there, I don't wanna remember all that shit that happened in there, please Dems, please don't make me. I'm not ready. Can you just help me take my stuff?"
"Rissa, you're gonna have to face this sooner or later. I know you don't want to, I know how it feels, I had to go through this too. I'll help you through this, I'll be there for you Rissa, but you've got to do this."
"Demi, please, I can't." I practically begged, tears in my eyes.
"Baby girl, I love you, and I know this is gonna hurt but you really need to do this. You'll feel better after. I'll be right by you every step of the way, I promise."
"You promise?" I looked up at Demi, still unsure.
"Yes, baby girl, I promise." she said, while stroking my hair.
"Okay, go with me?"
"Good, let's go!"
I stepped out of the car slowly, making sure not to injure my wound. Demi came over and helped me, and held my hand as we went towards my house.
My heart sped up as we got closer and closer and I started having that familiar feeling of dread every time I came back home. I tightened my grip on Demi's hand and she squeezed back, reassuring me.
When we walked into the house, I instantly started to remember things. I remember dad chasing me. I remember myself on the floor with dad kicking me. I remembered everthing, tears sprung to my eyes, but I didn't let them flow. I didn't want to break down in front of Demi again, she's seen me break down enough times in the short time she's known me. She probably thinks I'm a good for nothing cry baby by now and Demi can't leave, I've already lost so many things, I can't lose her.
So I held it in, Demi looked at me, concerned, but I just nodded at her, forcing a smile on my face. She helped me up the stairs to my room, she opened my door and chuckled. I looked at her, confused and then realized that she was staring at all my posters of her on the wall. I blushed and looked away.
I turned and went towards my closet to take my clothes as Demi walked around my room, looking at the posters on the wall and commenting on everyone of it. I went in and instantly remembered all the times I crouched silently in my closet, shivering in fear yet not making a sound, just to avoid getting hit by dad. I pushed the memory away and forced all my emotions back. I grabbed some clothes, enough for about a week, and stuffed them into my bag, the rest will be moved to my new closet in Demi's house in a few days or so.
*CAUTION: TRIGGERING
Then I walked to my bathroom to grab my toothbrush, toothpaste and stuff. I avoided looking at the spot where I hid my blade, the space between the cupboard and the wall where there was a gap, but a glint of metal caught my eye. As if drawn towards it by a magnet, I slowly reached out and touched it before pulling it out. All the memories came flooding back. Me, my back to the door, after a bad day at school, dragging this blade across my skin, feeling the sting, watching as the blood poured out, sighing at the sensation of relief. Me, facing the mirror, examining my bruises and wounds after dad came home drunk and hit me, pinching the fat on my stomach, the taking the blade and dragging it across my stomach, feeling the pain and watching as it bled. Before I knew it, the blade was on my wrist and I started cutting, unable to stop, savouring the familiar feeling of relief and finally silencing the demons that have been nagging at me.
My left arm was covered in blood and I was just gonna start on my right arm before Demi's voice shouted, "DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT BLADE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR SKIN AGAIN, MARISSA FAITH TYSON!" and I dropped the blade. I watched dumbly as Demi came and grabbed the blade off the ground, threw it into the toilet and flushed it away. Then she turned to me and took hold of my wrist gently, grabbing tissues from a box nearby and pressing it onto my cuts. It stung and I wince a little, still in a stupor. It was only when she put my wrist under the tap and turned on the water to let it wash my cuts that I finally really realized what I had done.
