SWIM // MITCHEL CAVE

35- End

Jaz's POV

I lay staring at the ceiling. The clock read 8am and you would think I was crazy for being awake so early but it didn't matter when I hadn't slept the entire night anyway.

Cat was currently pacing up and down the room trying to get ready quickly. The boys left for tour today and their plane left at 11 and so Cat was going to see them off and they had to leave soon. I was supposed to be going too but I couldn't bring myself to. As much as I owed the rest a goodbye, I knew that seeing Mitchel would break me even more.

Doing what I did, killed me. I hated every second of it and watching his eyes go empty made me want to take back every word but I knew I had to be strong.

It was never going to work. Mitchel had trust issues from past relationships and I had overlooked them before because I knew how hard it was for him but yesterday was a straw too far. Accusing me of sleeping with someone I had made blatantly clear I was not interested in; was too far.

If he couldn't trust me here, he wouldn't be able to trust me on tour. It would be constant arguing and uncertainties and I couldn't deal with that. I had to rip the band aid off now. So I did.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Cat asks again.

She had stayed over last night after she heard what happened to me and she comforted me in the way she does best; with threats to kill someone and ice cream. I only took her up on one of those offers.

"I can't" I reply.

Mitchel had been texting all morning. I had ignored every message. I couldn't bring myself to read them and get sucked into wanting to see him. I could only read the few words that popped up with notifications. They were all mostly the same; begging me to come say goodbye properly and wanting to see me one last time.

"You might regret it" She says softly.

"I don't think I can handle it" I mumble.

I was sitting up now and holding my knees in my arms resting my chin on them while Cat gave me comforting words. I knew this was hard for her too, being away from Clinton was going to be difficult but hopefully they can work it out better than Mitchel and I could.

I couldn't believe I was alone again. It had been so nice to have another half, someone to confine in and have around all the time. Someone I could joke with but also pour all my emotions into. It's so hard to describe what I had with Mitchel because it was so much more than just a relationship, he was my everything and I had never felt like this for anyone. Losing him was going to be the hardest thing I was going to have to do.

"I'll be back soon okay?" She says "We'll get takeout and watch sappy rom coms and cry okay?"

I send her as much of a smile as I could muster, tears threatening to spill again. She gives me another tight hug before leaving knowing if she didn't go now she would be late.

The door closes and I'm left alone again in my thoughts. I had never felt this way, I had never gone through such a deep heartbreak. I begin to question if I had done the right thing but I know it was just my heart missing him. I couldn't succumb to my weaknesses. I had to be strong for both of us.

I had to move on.

-----

Mitchel's POV

I sent one more text as we sat in the airport lounge waiting for our time to board. We only had another twenty minutes to go before we would be able to get on the plane and Jaz still hadn't showed up. I couldn't tell if she was even reading them or if she was even awake but I was sure she had. I had tried asking Cat if she was coming but she just kept her head down and went to Clinton not wanting to cause any more drama.

I couldn't believe I was about to leave and I wasn't going to get to say goodbye. I needed to see her once more, hell I wanted to see her face for the rest of my life but just seeing her gorgeous eyes and smile once more would keep me going, at least for a little bit.

I frantically checked my phone before locking it and checking it again, constantly repeating the tortuous cycle of awaiting a response. Anything would do. I had heard nothing from her since last night when she left and it was destroying me. Was she as upset as me? Was this killing her like it was killing me?

"Mitchel you can't torture yourself like this" Christian says lowly.

He was referring to my hopeful nature that she was going to turn up. That I would see her coming around the corner and running over to me.

"There's still time" I say quietly.

I look down at my hand which had now been properly wrapped up in bandages and still stinging from last night. I had gave myself quite a few cuts but nothing compared to the one in my heart.

It was a relief though, to not have to stare at my sad eyes reflected back at me in the mirror. Christian and Clinton cleaned it up after making me food. They were being so nice and I felt bad for acting like such a dick but I couldn't help it, my body was overcome with sadness and anger.

Cat had already said her goodbye to Clinton and so he was quite sad but he was at least lucky enough to still have his girlfriend. Mum was so happy that we had both found girlfriends and I knew for a fact she loved Jaz to pieces; she told me every time I phoned her. She was going to be as sad as I was when I told her we were no longer together. I remember her constantly telling me how good Jaz was for me and how much I had changed for the better.

She was completely right and Jaz brought out the best in me; I drank less, I didn't feel the need to drown my sadness in drugs and partying. I was happier, I felt healthier and enjoyed life. Now I was scared that it was going to come crashing down again. I was going to go right back to the dark place I was in before her, I just knew it.

The announcer starts to call our flight number and the boys pick up their bags ready to head off. My heart felt like it was going to break all over again. This was it. She wasn't coming. She wasn't going to even say goodbye.

I do one last glance over the room looking for any possible sign of her but there was none. I blinked back the tears I could feel coming. All I wanted was a proper goodbye.

"I'm sorry Mitchel" Christian says patting my back.

I just shake my head as we all start to head up to the gate. The air outside was cold and for once in LA, it was dull and rainy. The weather was imitating my mind and how I felt right now. If it didn't hurt so much, I'd laugh at how much this all felt like a damn movie; a stupid dumb romantic movie in which the ending was definitely not sweet or happy. This was a tragic love story if there ever was one.

I walk up the stairs to the plane and look back to the gate in the slightest chance she would be there, watching and waiting for me to see her, to go running over to her. But there was nothing.

So I inhale deeply and turn around, where I board the plane to the first city of the tour without the love of my life to get me through the mess I knew I was going to end up in.

God help me make it out alive.

----

That's it

It's finished

Done

Complete

Well, part one is complete.

Due to responses, this book will now be split into two parts; part one and two. Let me tell y'all if you think this part played with your emotions you are definitely not ready for part two. I have some evil plans in the works I know you will all love and hate me for 😈

I want to thank you all for your continuous love and support in this book and for always making me feel so happy in my work and my writing ability, I have grown with this book in the short time I have been writing it and you have all been the best readers out there.

I love you all very much and part two will begin after a short break (of a week or so) and so I will be uploading a new Mitchel story soon to ride you over until then. Once again thank you all so much 🌹