SWIM // MITCHEL CAVE

(II) 10- Maz

Jaz's POV

I was glad to finally be able to crawl into my own bed after a long day of travelling which was not made any easier with Cat's constant questioning of Mitchel and I. She asked all these questions that I didn't know the answer to myself let alone be able to tell her. I pretended to be asleep most of the plane journey just to avoid her interrogation and while I loved how much she cared, sometimes I wish she was just a little less invested in my love life.

After we got interrupted making lunch, we never had the chance to continue what we were doing and maybe that was for the best because after all I was the one who wanted to take things slow. That was so incredibly hard though when he looked as good as he did and acted in ways that made me simultaneously want to pull him closer and throw myself off a cliff.

I had a few days to sort out my feelings anyway as they didn't fly back out here for another few days. I knew I wanted him back but was I being stupid by running back to him so quickly and easily? Maybe I was being too naive.

"So are you guys going to get back together?"

"Are you still here?" I groan.

I raise my head from my pillow and see Cat standing at the foot of my bed with her arms crossed. It amazed me she still had the energy because I was drained from the trip.

"I'll leave when you answer me" She smirks.

"I don't know Cat" I sigh.

"Well you have to make up your mind" She replies.

She was now sat at the end of my bed staring at me while I pulled up my body so I was now sitting cross legged across from her.

"I don't know what I want yet" I explain.

"Yes you do" She states "I know you want him back"

"But does that mean I should?" I ask.

"Well all I know is that the past week in Australia is the happiest I've seen you in weeks" She replies smiling.

She was right. As much as I had convinced myself otherwise, this week had been the only time I had been truly happy since Mitchel and I broke up. These past few months had been fun and my new sense of independence was great but I still wasn't fully happy, not like how I was before.

"I just don't know if I can deal with it all again" I sigh.

"What do you mean?" She replies confused "You both love eachother what's hard?"

"Just the trust issues and the possessiveness" I say "I can't go through all that"

"Maybe he's grown out of that" She says.

"I don't know Cat" I reply "Just before Australia, he was still a mess, Christian told me all about it"

"Yeah well that's because he didn't have you" She explains.

Her words echo in my head. Was I really the reason Mitchel bettered himself? It hurt to see him so sad and going through so much, anytime he posted something on his twitter about alcohol and drugs, it made me sad to see how dependent he was on them and while they could be a great muse for songwriting, they weren't a good lifestyle to lead.

Christian had made it very clear of Mitchel's struggle on this tour of them and how much they took up his life and while he was completely clean in the time I was there, that didn't mean he wouldn't go back to it as soon as he got back to LA and out Biddi's sight.

I didn't like Mitchel when he was super high or completely wasted. A little bit buzzed was fine, I didn't expect him to be a saint but he always found it hard to restrain himself and he became a total different person when he was deep in these vices. A person I didn't like.

"I don't know" I say "Maybe he needs to clean up first"

"He needs you to help him with that though, you seen yourself how much better he was this week with you around" She explains "You know he needs help with this stuff"

I could see where she was coming from but it wasn't fair that the responsibility had to fall on me to help him and while I cared for him deeply and of course I wanted to help him, maybe this was something he needed to do alone.

"My head's a mess" I say.

"But I'm trying regardless" She sings smirking.

"Funny" I reply.

"For real though I just want you to be happy and I know you're happiest when you're with him" She replies "You belong together and he may not be perfect but no one is, he just needs a little help to get back on his feet"

Sometimes I forget how much Cat actually cares for Mitchel too, it feels like a lifetime ago that she dragged me along early to the concert to see them as the opening act and she was fangirling over them. She was such a huge fan and now she's dating Clinton and friends with them all, she was living every fan's dream.

"My friends all agree" She says "Maz needs to return"

I throw her a confused glare, was she even speaking English anymore?

"Maz?" I ask needing clarification.

"Yeah you know your ship name? Mitchel and Jaz, Maz" She explains.

"I didn't realise we even had a name" I say.

"Everyone on twitter uses it" She shrugs.

Sometimes i also forget that Cat had all these friends online who were very invested in the band and who everyone was dating, they were all very envious of Cat obviously but I didn't realise that they had a ship name for Mitchel and I. I knew a lot of them didn't like me anymore after I broke up with Mitchel and I received various different angry messages from lots of them saying I broke Mitchel's heart followed by lots of name calling.

"Well you've been in the boys Instagram stories this week and so everyone is talking about you being back around" She explains.

"Oh" I reply.

"There's mixed opinions about it" She shrugs in a 'what you gonna do' attitude.

"Understandable" I shrug.

I liked how much they cared for Mitchel, I could tell he loved them back in return and it was nice to see. I wish the bands I liked growing up had such a good connection with fans as they do with theirs. It was a really unique thing they possessed and the connection was unlike anything else I'd ever come across.

"You guys have something special" She smiles softly "Don't throw that away"

She stands up to get ready to leave and I can't help but smile at her words knowing they were true.

"Hey when did you join his side huh?" I laugh.

"Ever since you got those bangs" She replies pointing to my hair "Yikes"

My mouth falls open while protectively stroking my hair feeling insulted at her words.

"Hey!" I pout.

"Kidding" She grins.

"You're lucky I love you" I say shaking my head.

"Love you too" She beams "Now get the fuck to sleep, you're grumpy when you're tired"

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Another chapter for y'all this ones really short and a filler but I needed more Cat Cos she's my spirit animal tbh

Who misses Maz??