SWIM // MITCHEL CAVE

(II) 21- Closure

Christian's POV

I knew exactly why Jaz had asked me here and why we were currently taking a walk down by the beach. It was sunny and fairly quiet; it was lunchtime on a Wednesday so everyone was obviously busy doing other things.

While the past month I had tried my best to tame my feelings for the girl walking beside me, I still couldn't help but reside some. Maybe it was the way she attempted to throw pebbles in the sea trying to get them to skip but failing miserably and pouting like a toddler. Maybe it was the way she crept into my room this morning with a sheepish smile asking me to take a walk. No matter what she did, it left me in awe.

Falling in love with someone who's not yours is never easy, especially when the person who has them is your best friend. I didn't even realise it was happening to begin with, she was my friend and then one day she wasn't. One day she was more and I found my eyes falling to her lips and wondering how they would feel against mine.

Sometimes I think about what would've happened if I had been the one pursuing her that night we met after the concert. I had thought she was cute at the time but Mitchel's obvious interest meant there was no point in me trying. Maybe I should have. Maybe this would all be different.

"It's nice weather today" She hums trying to make conversation.

"It's nice every day" I state.

I kick a pebble as we walk along the sand. I could hear children screaming and laughing all around me, a noise that was annoying but I'd rather have that than an awkward silence.

Despite what I'd said before Australia, I knew I had no chance of Jaz ever now. Maybe I never did to begin with. Mitchel needed her now, more than ever before. She was the only thing keeping him together and I commended how well she was keeping him in line. I for sure thought he would go off the rails majorly, his mum was everything to him. I couldn't even imagine how he felt, how he was still feeling.

We patched things up and I was relieved we did, I didn't like us being angry at eachother, it would have infiltrated into our music and created a hostile environment and no one wants that.

I couldn't help but still let my mind wander over to Jaz. I felt guilty but I knew it was the only way I could have her properly. She would never be mine in real life, but in my dreams she was there and I had convinced myself that was enough.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I ask like I didn't already know.

We stop and sit on a bench by the water watching the waves comes in and out; it was comforting to watch and it meant we didn't have to awkwardly look at eachother for the inevitable uncomfortable conversation about to happen.

"I just want us to get back to normal" She sighs.

Normal.
We would never be normal again. Not in the way she wanted. I had ruined it all the moment I declared my feelings for her and perhaps I was selfish but I still don't regret it, she deserved to know how I felt. I do miss the closeness we shared, we were best friends and we could just cuddle and play around and it didn't mean anything; not to her anyway. Now it was all so reserved, so careful not to send the wrong message.

"Me too" I sigh.

"I miss having you as my friend" She states.

I look at her and the eyes looking into mine were sad, glossy and almost lost looking. Searching for an answer I wasn't sure I could provide.

"I miss you too Jizz" I say smirking slowly.

She playfully slaps my arm at the nickname I used for when she was annoying me. She hated it; for obvious reasons but hearing the laugh that fell from her mouth whenever I used it, made it stay.

"You know I hate that" She whines.

"Which is why I keep using it" I reply smiling.

"Ok stop though I'm trying to have a serious conversation" She says.

"Sorry" I smile nodding for her to continue.

She looks back out to the ocean, taking a deep breath breathing in the fresh air and letting it go again. Her hair fell in curls down by her shoulders blowing the very slight wind created by the tides. It was like a painting, she was a masterpiece and I was just another person admiring the canvas.

"I miss you so much" She begins "I know we haven't talked hardly at all recently and I just miss having you as my best friend, I know it's hard for you and it hurts me so bad to know the pain I've caused you through all of this, I'd do anything to take it away"

Her glossy eyes look up at me again and I know she was close to crying. Something I didn't want her to do because it broke my heart to see her upset.

"I know it's not fair on you and I wish it didn't have to be like this but I just miss you so much Christian" She says a few tears escaping.

"Come here" I sigh pulling her in.

She rests her head on my shoulder and I soothe her as she cries softly, letting out emotions that I know she'd been bottling up for a while, trying to be strong for Mitchel.

"It's okay" I reassure.

"I'm sorry for everything" She whispers into my jacket.

"It's not your fault" I reply.

"It doesn't make me feel any less bad" She mumbles.

I wrap my arm around her properly now, taking my hand and lightly stroking her hair in a comforting manner. It was the closest we'd been in weeks and I silently enjoy the feeling as I knew I wouldn't get to cherish it for much longer.

"We can move on from all this don't worry" I say "You're with Mitchel again and you deserve to be, he loves you so much and I've never seen him love anything as much as he loves you, you're his everything Jaz"

Every word I was saying was completely true, I knew how much Mitchel loved her, it was undeniable. It was the type you seen in the films, the ones in the books. The troubled boy who falls for the hard headed beautiful girl who makes him change his ways and they live happily ever after. That was going to be them. I didn't belong in the narrative and so I was removing myself from it. I was from now on; nothing more than the friend.

"I love him too" She says quietly.

"I know you do" I reply "You guys have something special"

I hope that one day I find a girl, one that isn't Jaz and we make eachother feel the way Mitchel and Jaz do. I would hold her in my arms and have her be unquestionably mine, with the feelings actually reciprocated. I hope that whoever that is, comes into my life soon. I just wanted to be happy.

"You're such a great person Christian, you deserve a girl to love you the same way" She says sitting up now.

"And one day I will" I smile "I know it"

She smiles back and everything suddenly seems settled. There was no uncertainty, no feelings left unsaid or emotions hanging in the air. While I still loved her, I knew it would pass and so did she. Now I had fully given up whatever fight I still had in me to get her, I knew I would get over her so much quicker. She was Mitchel's and she would be forever.

"We should probably head back now" She says.

I nod my head knowing the same. We had said everything we needed to say and I finally felt comfortable and happy with everything and the situation. It might not be the easiest to get over her but I at least knew she was happy and that's all that mattered to me.

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Lil POV change how bout that?
I think that's my first time doing a Christian point of view so that was fun.

Not many chapters left...