It will all be okay (30)

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"It all begins with you. If you do not care for yourself you will not be strong enough to take care of anything in life."

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My alarm goes straight off at 4 O'clock in the morning. I immediately get out of bed, getting ready for the day. It's Monday today what means another boring work day.

I really hate this New York life. My Bertha is probably bawling her eyes out, because she misses me.

After putting on my clothes, I slip to the kitchen, laying the envelope on the table.

'For Mr. William' is written on it with my unsightly handwriting.

I hope he can read it.

The inside was filled with money and a note which said:

Dear Mr. William,

Thank you for your kindness for letting me stay in your mansion. I would like to repay my part of the rent.

Kind regards,

Faye Jackson.

I had insert the money I saved from working with him for about 5 months.

I felt beyond guilty for staying here without paying him. It felt too overwhelming. This mansion must be expensive to maintain. It's a colossal mansion with many lights which were almost on every day.

I hastily cook something for him to eat so he won't skip breakfast like the other days.

Doesn't he know how bad it is for his health?

We still haven't really talk. I watch him from afar every day. It almost seemed like he hasn't caught a sleep for awhile. His metallic grey eyes were surrounded with big dark bags, and filled with dysphoria.

I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts on to something else.

My eyes dart off to the clock, seeing it was already half past 4.

I put the eggs and pancake on a tray and wrap foil around it so it won't get cold. I take my scarf, wrapping it around me and remember to lay one for him ready so he won't freeze.

I take a look at the clock once more and hurry up, because I might not get in time to take the bus.

I've been waking up early to catch the bus for awhile now, because I don't want to meet him in the morning.

It's too awkward.

I'm too awkward.

I'm living in his house as a status of 'assistant' not girlfriend nor best friend.    I don't know how to act when I meet him in his house.

Everything is just so... formal.

It's a bit easier at work, because there I'm his assistant so it's only normal to communicate to each other, but only under the work terms.

At home I'm just nobody... I'm nothing to him anymore.

I pull my hair out by the thought of making him trust me once again. I should have a plan, but like all the other times I'm left with nothing.

    I don't know what to do.

I breathe the cold New York air in. The cold is biting my skin, making me sigh out deeply.

     Love me, Mason.

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I came in the office as one of the firsts. I was already seated behind my desk, my eyes gazing over the mesmerizing New York skyline.

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