The story of two troubled teenagers, Laynie and Ryder.
She hates him and he hates her.
But in a world full of loss, pain, and every form of suffering imaginable, how thin is the line between love and hate?
HIGHEST RANK:
× #1 in group therapy ×
×...
The little meeting thing went pretty well after the conversation Ryder and l had.
Before we all went home, Alex took all of us, minus ryder, to go meet Bellatrix; his adorable little Labrador Retriever. I already love her so much and seeing how happy she makes Alex just makes me love her even more.
When I got back home everything was dead silent, Hunter was asleep and Hannah was in her room studying so I had pretty much the entire house to myself.
Usually that'd be a good thing, but today I'm feeling a lot more depressed than usual and being alone just kind of put it out there for me.
Right now I'm laying in bed at 2 am, my room is dark, the moonlight shining through the window next to my bed being the only source of light.
But l like it better that way, something about being in complete darkness is strangely comforting. I don't have to see myself in the dark, in fact I don't have to see anything, and that's comforting in a way.
When it's night time and all the lights go off you know you can relax.
As if the darkness welcomes you with open arms, whispering it's alright, it stopped. All of it is gone now, you don't have to worry about it till morning, you're safe for now, just relax, as long as I'm here, you'll be okay.
My mind wanders off to everything that I have; incredible friends, a best friend better than words could ever describe, a mother and sister who are never understanding but caring nonetheless, the best little brother anyone could ever ask for, a good house in a good neighbourhood, a great education, a father who still exists me even if he left, at least he still keeps in contact with his kids every once in a while.
After everything l have, why am l not okay?
I mean sure, my parents are mostly neglectful and psychologically abusive but when l look at other people who have it way worse than l do and see that despite everything they're missing, they're still happy.
Why am l not happy?
Do l even have the right to be sad?
I tried to talk about it and get some advice from my mom but she being the religious person she is told me to turn to God, it's because l lack faith.
That's what people don't understand, you cannot pray depression away and you're sure as hell not depressed because you lack faith.
But of course, it's easier to make up such an excuse than to actually admit that you've made that person's life a living hell.
Or maybe you didn't. Either way, you cannot pray depression away.
I've never been clinically diagnosed with depression so I'd like to believe that i don't have it but everything l do practically screams depression.
How can you even cure such a thing? Is there a cure? I fail to see how you can possibly change the way a person thinks.
All the positive talk in the world can never make someone happy of they're heart still hasn't healed.
But the weird thing is, l don't want to be happy.
Maybe because I'm afraid it won't last long, or maybe because I'm afraid l won't be the same person l am now. Or maybe because l can't remember the feeling and just the thought of feeling something that you don't know is terrifying.
Or maybe because l don't think l deserve to be happy, after all, they say "We accept the love we think we deserve."
My eyelids slowly start getting heavy as l let go of all the thoughts that have been roaming my mind and welcome the darkness with open arms.
Just like it had welcomed me.
° ° ° °
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It's past midnight as I'm writing this and this chapter was just something l needed to get out of me but l hope you liked it either way.
If you listen to the song above while reading this chapter at night it's ten times better and you'll get a hint of what I'm trying to express here so give it a go.
