Group Therapy

37 - Weak.

Not About Angels ~ Birdy

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⚠ Trigger Warning ⚠ : sensitive content such as self harm and suicidal thoughts ahead.

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Ace and l talked for over an hour about anything and everything and he seems like a pretty decent guy.

I check the clock on my wall, 3:25 am.

Why do I always end up in these situations?

I try to fight the thoughts but the utter and complete numbness screams at me to stop fighting.

I grab the hem of my hoodie and lift it up revealing the now almost healed wounds painted across my abdomen reminding me that I'm weak.

If I'm weak, then l might as well learn to live with it.

I jump up and walk into my bathroom, turning on the lights, l open the bottom drawer and take out my blade.

I twirl it around in my fingers a few times, debating on whether l should do this or not. I haven't done it in weeks.

The bitter numbness inside me takes over, convincing me to it.

Without a second thought, l lift up my hoodie and quickly run the blade across my stomach with force, wincing in pain as l drop the now bloody blade.

My eyes well with tears but l hold them back as the air starts to feel a lot heavier.

I look down and watch the blood run down my abdomen.

This is what l needed. To be reminded than I'm still human.

Slowly, my breathing starts to go back to normal but the blood doesn't stop and I let it run. It's painful, but at least I have control over how painful it gets.

After a while of blood gushing out onto my pants l get up and grab a handful of tissues, placing them on the wound with pressure to stop the bleeding.

Three minutes and a ton of tissues later, the bleeding finally stops.

I pull out the first aid kit and wrap up the wound before changing into a new pair of pants.

As I'm about to leave the bathroom l catch a glimpse of the bloody floor.

"Great." l turn around and start cleaning the mess I've made.

After throwing away the tissues l quickly rinse the blood out of my old pants before placing them in the laundry basket and going back to bed.

The pain makes it sort of hard to breathe but after a while of carefully tossing and turning to avoid anything touching the wound, l finally manage to fall asleep.

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I slowly open my eyes to see my dimly lit room, l always close the curtains before going to sleep.

It's a Saturday, l don't have to get up.

"Laynie, wake up!!" Hunter screams as he bursts into my room with Aella following along.

I force on a smile "Good morning bud"

"Good morning, Aella and l asked mom if we could go to the park and she said yes! Can you take us?"

Feeling too guilty to reject, l nod "Sure thing."

"Thank you!" both him and aella wrap me into a hug before they both running out of the room.

Hunter stops right before he exists the room "Can you tell Alex to come too? He promised he'd teach me how to skate."

I nod once again "Of course."

He mumbles another thank you before running out of my room.

I sigh and walk to the bathroom.

After relieving my bladder and washing my hands and teeth, l bend down to take my hair brush out of the bottom drawer and wince in pain when the wound from yesterday starts stinging again.

I lift my hoodie up to see blood spreading out through the bandage.

I lock the bathroom door and unwrap the wound to find it still bleeding.

"Shit shit shit." l try not to panic thinking about what would happen if it needs stitches.

I toss the bandage in the bin and pull out a new one before wrapping it around the wound, this time applying a double layer.

I examine the bandage for a second, making sure it doesn't leak again before getting up and taking out a bunch of tissues, crumbling them up and throwing them in the bin to cover the bloody bandage.

Once I'm done, l continue getting ready before calling Alex and telling him that I'll be picking him up.

"Alright guys, let's go." l say and yell a small goodbye to everyone before leading Hunter and Aella into the backseat of my car.

"Buckle up." l get into the driver's seat and strap on my seat belt before starting the two minute drive to Alex's house.

I stop in his driveway and beep my horn a few times letting him know that I'm here.

He comes running out of the door with Bellatrix on a leash and a skate board in his hand.

"Hey Lexi."

He rolls his eyes at the nickname "Hey dumbass." he looks back at Hunter "Hey bud, you got your skate board?"

Hunter nods "In the trunk."

In a few minutes we reach the park and everyone hops out of the car as soon as it comes to a stop.

I slowly get out of the car to avoid moving the too much, movements makes it sting even more.

I take a seat at the benches and watch Alex teach Hunter how to ride the skate board while Aella chases Trixie across the skate park.

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"Take a break bud, we'll continue in a minute." Alex pats Hunter's head and runs up to me taking a seat beside me.

"He's a quick learner." Alex points out.

I chuckle "Yeah, always has been."

"So, what's up?" he asks.

"Not much, just typical stuff. Ace and l hung out for a while yesterday, you should meet him sometime he's a cool dude." l decide to leave out the part about Ace's name and my wound.

"Ace is Aella's older brother, right?"

"Yeah."

"Cool, you can invite him to come with us to meet Eli, Blair, and Ryder after therapy."

My eyes widen in the realization "We have therapy today?"

"Yeah, it's been a week since our last session."

"Ugh, I fucking hate going there."