Return to Jorgaldur Volume II: the druid archer

Hidden feelings

They had finished breakfast, so Goldmi turned to pick up the plates and cups. Or so that her fairy assistant would pick them up for her. But, in doing so, she grazed a cup, with such bad luck that it hit the stone, and the handle was broken.

It was just a simple cup, but the elf froze while looking at it, while trembling, while feeling a panic that she thought she had left behind, that she thought she had overcome.

During her marriage, the psychological abuse she had suffered had been profound. She had really come to believe that 'she was useless', that 'she was trash', even that 'she would be better off dead'.

She had managed to get away from him, get divorced, and overcome it, largely with the support and help of her family and friends, and the companions she had encountered in the game. Of Eldi and Gjaki, who had treated her like one of them, who didn't blame her for her mistakes, even though, at first, she had feared they would leave her behind when she made one.

She stared at the broken cup, while reliving that stormy past. While thinking that perhaps her current situation, trapped in a dungeon, was her fault, her incompetence's fault. While thinking that to be alone in that world, that to have left behind all her friends and her family, was because she wasn't worthy of them. That to have been sick and to die was because she was too weak.

"Sister..." the lynx called her, rubbing her snout against her.

She was feeling the anguish and despair in her pointy-eared sister, an anguish that she had always known that was there, hidden, but threatening to explode at any moment. And suddenly, without warning, it had.

Perhaps, it was due to the tension of those days. To have left her home world behind. To have to adapt to a new and dangerous place. Whatever the reason, the breaking of that handle had been the trigger for that reaction, for bringing out the feelings until now buried

"Lynx sister..." the elf sobbed.

She wrapped her arms around her sister's neck, as if wanting to make sure she was really there, that she really wasn't alone, that there was someone who appreciated her. But the tsunami that had broken out in her heart wasn't so easy to stop.

"I'm sorry... Because of me you're here. I'm so useless. If I hadn't wanted to level up there, they wouldn't have set us a trap. If I'd admitted I'm worthless, we wouldn't be locked up here. I... always..."

Tears streamed down her face as she expressed her remorse, as she expressed the deep despair emanating from her heart.

"Edgar was right. I'm not worth anything. I'd be better off dead. That way, I wouldn't drag anyone with me..."

"I don't know who that Edgar is, but he's stupid!" the feline roared, angrier than what her sister, who froze, had never felt before.

"You a useless one? And then, what about the rest of the world's inhabitants!? Do you think the fairies would have chosen a useless one? Do you think the forest spirits would have saved themselves? Or Elendnas? Or the other elves? Or those...?"

One by one, the lynx was listing several unique missions Goldmi had carried out, some of them with her companions, and some that she didn't even know were unique. The feline had never felt so angry, but it wasn't her sister who was the target of her anger, but that Edgar who had hurt her so much in the past. So much so that, even now, it had suddenly re-emerged, along with some memories from the feline herself.

"And you also saved me. Without you, I, never... Without you, I couldn't go on, I couldn't have done it in the past," the lynx finished, resting her head on the elf's legs.

Goldmi, astonished at her sister's sermon, at her deep feelings, couldn't help but caress that soft head with affection, and shed tears again, although this time they were different.

These new tears took away a bit of the despair that had suddenly resurfaced, although it wasn't something that could just as well disappear. It would take time, time to understand that those feelings were still there, with her, time to face them instead of hiding them, time to gain self-confidence.

Luckily for her, she now had a much more effective and stronger weapon than she had ever had. It is true that her family and friends had supported her, but it wasn't comparable to the close bond that linked her to her sister.

She had always doubted. Inside, she had always feared that her family would think she was useless, despite her kind words and love. Or that her friends criticized her from behind while saying that she was 'good for nothing.' Or what they would just think it. Not that it was so, or that she had any hint of it, but she couldn't help but fear it.

For two years, her self-esteem had been eroded day by day. Too young and inexperienced, she had trusted and loved too much someone who didn't deserve it, and who had hurt her deeply in her soul.

But now, the bond with her sister was too deep and intimate to doubt. Her love and trust could not be faked, nor could her absolute devotion.

She spent a long time hugging her, crying, soaking the fluffy fur with her tears, until the weight on her heart decreased enough to regain control of her feelings, gradually stopping them from overflowing.

It would take time to get through it all, but now, somehow, she had the confidence to do so. She knew that, if she didn't have enough strength, her sister would lend hers, a sister who needed her as much as she needed her sister.

"Do you think Elendnas will still remember me?" she asked, still hugging her. "And his sister?"

"How could someone forget you? If they aren't wondering if you'll come back, and wishing you will, then I hate cakes."

"Pffffft," the elf laughed at that comparison, with her mouth covered by her hand.

Soon after, she fell asleep, psychically exhausted by that avalanche of emotions that had overwhelmed her, and while the lynx breathed in relief after noticing that her sister was overcoming them. And without being able to stop cursing that Edgar guy. If she had him there, she would have ripped every single muscle, every fragment of his skin.

Meanwhile, in an elven village, an elf sneezed without understanding very well the reason, or why, suddenly, he had remembered who he had never forgotten, the only woman who hadn't only captured his heart, but never had let it go.

He wondered once more if he would see her again, and if she would have feelings for him. Lately, he couldn't stop thinking about her.