Their "Friend" JKxBTS//FF

Chapter 7

I don't feel like a friend.

I wish I never came out to them.

I should I just kept this a secret.

I hate that I had to push Namjoon hyung away I just want to go back and beg for his forgiveness but I can't. I'm so pathetic to let him...well all of them control me like that.

He confessed to me that he was gay which I was happy about. I was happy for him. I know I felt a lot better once I told them, but that was then and not now.

Now I just feel like a toy to them. I tried telling Namjoon hyung how I felt but he got angry. I thought that since he told me his secret I was okay to share my thoughts.

I was wrong.

I'm now in the bathroom splashing cold water on my face trying not to cry more. I hate that I didn't stop him sooner. Now I have his hickey marks on my neck and I didn't bring any concealer today.

My body is literally shaking from how tightly he held my chin from how roughly he pulled my hair. I know that now I'm mostly shaking from how scared I am about how well he can control me.

Friends don't control friends.

I don't like the feeling they give off when I say something they don't like.

Ever since we were kids they would have this look that sent bad chills down my spine. I hated when they were unhappy with me. Actually I hate it when anyone is upset with me.

My mother was usually upset with me. She hated my friends. Hated our small home. A part of me always felt like she hated me too. Not fully but still it was a feeling I always had.

I never got the best grades no matter how much I studied. I would sneak out a lot because my hyungs wanted me to. I wonder if she was alive if I would actually tell her I was gay and I stupidly fell in Love with my best friends that she hated so much.

Sadly I'm starting to hate myself to for falling in the first place.

Yes I wanted their attention.

I want to feel their touch.

Their praises I want to hear forever.

But the way I feel after I don't want it. I'm their Best Friend and I will Never be seen as more even though I don't even feel like a friend anymore.

I don't want to do this. I didn't want to come back and break ties with them....but I feel like I'll be broken more if I try and hold on.

"Kook?" My eyes shot away from the mirror to look at the familiar voice. "God! What happened? Who hurt you?" He asked as he ran over grabbing my face as his eyes held so much worry.

"Hyung.....it's....it's okay."

"You have clearly been crying you are not okay now tell me." I looked into Jeabum's serious eyes and I just wanted to cry more. He sighed released my face and pulled me into a hug. "Seriously you're My Dude I don't like seeing you sad."

Okay this is new. He has never been the one to comfort me it's always Rose, Mira or Kai but not him. To top it off he called me his dude which is not one of his phrases.

"Hyung." I choked out as I separated our hug.

"Yes Kookie?" He asked softly while he wiped my tears gently with his thumb.

"I...I'm gay." I said looking into his eyes for his reaction.

"I know.....me too." He chuckled as my eyes basically popped out of my head from shock. "I've been dying to tell you but I wanted you to feel comfortable telling me first. Now that it's been said I know that's not what you are crying about so what is it?"