Words I'll Never Say

♥{96} I Tried

April 30th 2017, 20:30

And I tried.
I tried to be beautiful in a way that caught you off guard.
I tried to be smart without having to use a calculator. Heck I even tried to be a math genius -but of course failed miserably.
I tried to be funny without having to think of some stupid joke to say.
I tried to cut my long hair because you preferred it shorter.
I tried to play the guitar until my fingers bled.
I tried to know more about basketball just to impress you.
I tried to be sexually experienced for you.
I tried to have all my shit together.
I tried to figure what I wanted in life.
I tried everything just so you could look at me the way I look at you.

I tried so hard. You know that right? I tried harder than you could ever imagine.
I tried to be something that wasn't me and even when I tried all theses things it still wasn't enough to make you stay.
It still wasn't enough to make you love me.

I thought you were a good person but you messed up, and you used me, and you still don't remember when my birthday is, and you never even knew my parents' names. And you tricked me into thinking you wanted the same things as me, and you acted like you cared about my weekend plans and my sister's grades, but I don't think you cared about anything at all. And there's a lot I should've said to you but I remained silent and started writing this book instead.
The only thing I want you to know now is that none of that was okay but I am.

Never again will I ever be something other than myself for a guy.
Never again will I betray the body I was given. The home that I hated for so many years and treated poorly.
Never again will I put a man's needs before mine.

Now, here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. Every piece of you. The way you smell, the sound of your morning raspy voice, the feel of your skin. But damn I can still feel you, I think I always will.

But my point is, do not ever settle for someone that does not see you as magic and more.

~ Zeina