☽ sam ☽
(tw - sh)
i laid in my bed sobbing, as i had been for the last thirty minutes. and it was only just past 5am. i sniffled and sat up, rummaging about in the drawer beside my bed for the blades. i knew they were in there somewhere, i put them in there only the week before. i found one of them right at the bottom, pulling it out and twirling it around my fingers, the light reflecting off of it brightly. i shook my head softly, looking at the silver metal. i felt tears well in my eyes as i brought it down to my skin, reopening old scars and a familiar stinging feeling starting as i dragged it across the area, followed by red welling up above the skin.
it felt so horribly amazing.
"fuck," i murmured softly as i dragged it across my skin again, along with doing it a few more times. i sniffled, watching as my tears fell and mixed with my blood - i had to go and rinse it. i stood up, my legs wobbling, and made my way to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. i locked it and walked over to the sink, picking up a black washcloth and putting warm water on it. i splashed the water up my arm, hissing in pain. i used the washcloth to rinse the remaining blood off, stinging. i ran back to my room, grabbing a clean bandage that was on my bedside table. i wrapped it around my arm, covering the cuts that lay there.
i hated this.
(tw over)
☔︎
i woke up with a stinging feeling in my arm, seeing the bandage that lay there - i forgot about that. i sighed and put my head back into my pillow, groaning.
"sam, you better be packing your bags up there," i heard my father yell, and i literally wanted to cry all over again. i got out of bed and grabbed my suitcase from in the corner of the room, sliding down onto the floor with tears in my eyes. my mother was everything i had, my father was a piece of shit. and i didn't even have a choice in who i stayed with because of him? i was so over it already, and i hadn't even left the state. i crawled over to my closet, standing up and picking out as many outfits as i could that would fit in the suitcase, which only ended up being about ten. and i doubt my father would buy me any clothes when we got to washington. great, this was just great. i grabbed a backpack from my floor and sniffled, shoving two pairs of shoes into it and going to find my toothbrush and other necessities.
"i'm so sorry, sam," i heard my mother say softly from the other side of my room, startling me.
"you scared me," i laughed softly, turning around to face her.
"sorry, dear. come here,"she smiled sadly, and i stood up and walked over to her, practically falling into her arms.
"i'm gonna miss you, so, so much," she said shakily, and i nodded.
"i'm gonna miss you more. i d-don't know how i'm gonna deal with him," i mumbled, hugging her just as tightly as she was to me. i'd always been closer to my mom, always. and now it was like i was being ripped into two.
"whatever you do, you call or text every day, ok?" she nodded, putting her hands on either side of my face and stroking my cheeks with her thumbs softly. i nodded with a sniffle, her arms wrapping themselves back around me.
"i love you," i sobbed, hearing her sniffle.
"i love you too," she sighed shakily, holding my head close to her chest yet again.
★
oh to see without my eyes
