TENNESSEE WHISKEY -corpse husband-

THOUGHTS (24)

He was just having a rough day.

When Corpse woke up,  throat throbbing, and legs fuzzy, he knew it was going to be a bad day. But, he couldn't afford to have one of those.

He was working on tons of big projects at once, barely able to remember all of them. Between the songs, merch releases, gaming channels, it was becoming a lot. His career had flipped overnight, now dealing with real musicians, musicians who were a big deal. It was something he never dreamed of, but he was so excited and incredibly anxious. He had to meet deadlines now, and go to meetings. Too many people had seen him, people he barely knew, but people he had to trust. They had too much riding on their success to ruin that with him.

And then throw a kid into that mess.

Killian made consistency for Corpse possible. His sleep schedule was somewhat normal now, and he actually remembered to eat and take his medicine most days. It was nice to have the daily reminder, right next to him, playing games. His attachment to Killian scared him, though, he wouldn't hesitate to admit that. He was deteriorating, his health problems getting progressively worse every day, and the last thing he wanted was to abandon Killian like someone else had already done.

He couldn't imagine making Weston go through that.

She calmed him, making him feel normal for all of the fucked up shit he had going on in his life. When his hands wouldn't move after a long day of working, she would write his emails, and make sure he still got work done. She reminded him what he could be, and pushed him to be a better person. He hadn't felt compassion or empathy until Weston showed him how to.

It was a hard decision to make every day, to keep the two around. He loved them both, but he couldn't stop thinking about how this would eventually come to an end.

The worst part was that he didn't even have a timeline. It wasn't like the doctors knew what was wrong with him, so they couldn't tell him when this would all come crashing down. He just knew that his body couldn't take this for forever, not as long as he wanted it to.

"Hey man," he heard in his ear, pulling him from his impending doom.

"Hey," he commented roughly. "Uh, I just wanted to ask you about something.." he said, shyly.

Dave was his go-to friend. They didn't talk every day, but Corpse considered him his best friend shamelessly. Dave had been there before all of this, and even introduced him to some of his best friends now. Corpse expected the hype surrounding him to die down after the first of the year, but going into February, he was still relevant. He still hadn't wrapped his head around it, focusing on sticking around for as long as people allowed it.

"Sure, what's up," his accent was thick with concern.

"I uh... there's a lot," and Corpse unloaded it all. Everything he had had somewhat of a concern about for the past two and a half months he's been with Weston and Killian spilled. He had other friends, but none that he felt comfortable talking to the way he talked to Dan. He often called Karl, in the middle of the night, when he was half asleep, complaining about his life, but never about Weston. He didn't want anyone to think she was a bad person. He didn't like how people would immediately assume she was in the wrong for doing nothing.

Corpse explained everything from his friend day with Killian to the picture Weston had sent him of him and Killian curled on the couch. Something so simple for him made him want to die. It was hard, feeling so confident in some ways, and powerless in others. It was a fucked up perspective, but he couldn't help it. He tried.

"Well, what do you want the world to know? That's what this is about, right? It's all about the way you think the world will perceive you?"

"I... I mean, I guess? Now, it's more about how they'll see Killian, and Weston. I don't want to drag them down with me when I inevitably go down."

"Corpse, when you have a fan base, you have to realize that they don't just disappear. It'll die out eventually, but the great thing about being online, is someone, five years from now, will find you again, and be a massive fan, and start the whole process of being a fan all over again. I mean, look at me!! I've taken break after break from social media, and I still come back and have people excited to see me in videos. The same thing will happen to you, and everyone else on social media," Dave explained.

Corpse knew he was right, but he couldn't take that as an answer. His anxiety wouldn't let him.

"And about the kid... God, Corpse, kids are a whole different story," Dave sighed. "You... you need to decide what you want to do about that. You either stick around, prepared for life, or you move on. And that means moving on from Weston too. Kids are no joke, and you're telling me you already love him like your own... sounds like you've already made that decision."

Corpse let out a long sigh. "I... I don't to end up like his biological father. I don't want to just walk out on them-"

"Dying is not walking out on anyone, Corpse, it's uncontrollable. Weston should understand that.. I mean, she does know about your health problems, right-"

"Yes, yes, of course... I don't even know how to start these conversations, man. I don't know if she even wants me to be in that position. I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to replace his dad or her-"

"You're not replacing his dad, if his dad has never been there."

They were both silent, Corpse considering his options. "Thanks, Dave," he said, too distracted to say anything else about it.

They talked briefly about what else was going on in each of their lives, catching up since their holidays, and finally ending the call after nearly an hour.

It was time for Killian to be picked up, anyway. Corpse sighed, looking at his list of things he had to do by the end of the day. His hands were aching, needles shooting up into his elbows. The probability of him actually getting it done was slim with Killian here.

NOTE!!
next chapter 1/17 8pm
multiple chapters coming tonight