42. MESSED IN THE HEAD

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"And I'm sorry that I made you feel that way

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"And I'm sorry that I made you feel that way." He said and walked away.

I kept staring at his back until he disappeared from my line of sight before turning around and looking down at the unfinished food on my plate.

I loved lasagna and steak, but my appetite was lost now.

For the past few days, I have not been feeling like myself much. I think abuse and torture does that to you. At this point, I don't even remember what I used to be like before all of this went down.

I felt as if I have gone through the process of rebirth until today. Today, he brought out the little rebel inside of me. Today, he gave me a little taste of my old self.

Did I want to be like that again? I don't know. But did I want to sit here and wallow in misery and throw myself a pity party each day? Hell, no.

I need my time to process the mess my life has now become but I would like to think that I will come out of it.

How do I know this? He made me believe this.

Ever since that incident, he has been taking care of me. I found out that he's working from home just because of me. He never brought work home, but because of me, he even conducted his meetings in either the living room or in his study.

He has been nothing but kind, understanding, and reassuring. Why was he doing this? It can't just be because he cares about me.

But then, does that mean that he... No!

I shook my head and dismissed the absurd thought that decided to mess with my head, once again.

He's doing it because he has been there for me ever since we were kids. Nothing more, nothing less.

He can't possibly fall for a damaged person like me, right? I have a lot of emotional baggage, the weight of all of that will only bring him down and I don't want that.

Or could it be because I confessed to him? Oh my God, is he doing this because he can't return my love and wants to make up for it?

But he is not that kind of a person. I mean, I know him. He would never do something until he actually wants to do it. He has his own set of rules and moral values that he follows and nothing and no one can ever make him do otherwise.

But then, why?

My head was starting to hurt with all the overthinking.

Lately, my mind has not been able to support the load of my thoughts. Maybe, I was actually as useless as Augustine had said I was.

Was I a burden on Ian? I'd ask him that but I know that he would just deny. Maybe to make me feel better about myself.

He has been helping me a lot. I cannot ever forget the way he made me feel this morning. He talked about me like I was some warrior who had returned home after winning a battle singlehandedly. He said he was proud of me and I won't lie but my heart swelled inside my chest. I never knew I'd hear those words from him.

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