Shy From The Spotlight - Alexander Hamilton x Reader

Eighty-Three

My breathing was ragged. My heart beat was weak but rapid. Blood leaked from several cuts on my body. My hair was unevenly cut to my shoulders. My overskirts were practically shredded but still on.

My head hung low, my energy so worn on screams. I don't know how long I've been here. There was no light. They have given me old bread and dirty water twice, so maybe a day and a half?

I haven't say a word since my challenge to my torturer. Didn't need to. Only screams. I lolled my head to look to the door. My torturer, who I had dubbed Knife by his choice of weapon, left about five minutes ago. I looked up at the dark ceiling.

"God, if you're up there, I'm sorry." I whispered, voice raspy. I swallowed, my throat thankful for the liquid. "I'm sorry for abandoning my family, for the scene with Alexander, for breaking the news to mother so crudely. I'm sorry for it all."

I've never apologized like this before. Most of my apologies before were because it was the proper thing to do, apologize that is. But this was different; true regret was behind it.

It's strange, the things that bring apologies out of people. Death, love, loneliness, torture. The same things bring gratitude, too.

"It's been a long while since I've prayed to you. I'm sorry for that, too." I continued.

"I only ask you one thing." I took a shaky breath. "Do whatever it takes to keep my family and friends safe, even if it's at my expense."

The door flung open and I clamped my mouth shut. I rolled my head back to looking at the ground as footsteps neared me. The tips of two shiny black boots appeared. Different boots, not my usual torturer's. Not sure if it is a good sign or a bad sign.

I felt a shaky hand brush my wet, blood and dirt caked hair from my face. They softly gripped my chin and I went rigid. I know that touch.

The hand directed my face to look at his. "This wasn't supposed to happen." C/N whispered softly, regretfully.

No. NO!!! How- This isn't possible. C/N clicked his tongue and dropped my chin. I kept staring at him. This can't be! I'm delusional! Too much malnutrition and torture! That's it! It's has to be!

C/N paced around me in a small circle. "You were supposed to get on with your life. Supposed to get over me!!" He shouted the last part. I flinched away, my first sign of emotion to the opposing side. He didn't falter his pacing.

He laughed manically. "How is my father? Still crying?" I glared daggers at him. "What about the boys? Or dear Cornelia?" I lunged at him, teetering my chair. "DON'T TALK ABOUT THEM YOU TWIT!!"

He stepped back, a shocked look on his face. It was quickly replaced with a smirk. "Emotion finally. You really wore Abraham out." Abraham. My torturer, I presume.

For the first time since I arrived, I struggled against my rope bonds. My cuts barked in protest as the rope burned against my skin.

"You see, these people don't know my relationship with you. I don't plan to tell them anything. I'm not that cruel." Liar. Dirty, dirty liar.

He continued his pacing. "You know, I really did love you. That's why I haven't told them where you live."

I craned my neck to face him. "You are wrong, C/N." I said with deathly calm. He faced me. "Please elaborate. I never did like your vagueness."

I could kill him right now. "You never loved me, no matter how much you may believe that. I did love you. But not as much as someone else in my life now. And not nearly as much as my family."

C/N fumed, just as I predicted he would. His complex needs it. "Someone else?! Who?! That paper boy, Levi?!" He raised his hand to slap me and I faced him full on.

"When?" I asked. He faltered. "When what,
Y/N?" He asked, lowering his hand. I chuckled darkly. "When did you realize you were on the wrong side of this war? When we met five years ago? When my father left to join the militia? When?"

He blinked at my question before crouching to my level. "Oh sweetheart, don't you realize?" He purred quietly. He brought his lips to my ear.

"I'm the reason there is a war in the first place."