The Dead Live (Book 3)

Chapter 42: Tell You Something (Christians POV)

I looked at the kid right in his eyes, as I saw that he seemed to be shivering quite a bit at the same time too, as if he already knew what was coming for him later, and he was simply trying to get ready for it. I knew that he was afraid to be out there on his own, as he had told me about his fear on several different occasions.
I did not blame him either, as I had been quite a bit afraid, even if I was a lot different now a days. Hell... Some times, I was not going to lie to my self, I was a bit afraid to go out side, and to face to cold and harsh reality of a sad world that we lived on now a days.
Though, I did my best to hide that fact from a lot of others, as I knew that I had to let strong for all of them to keep on going. I had thought about telling it to Ben from time to time, as I felt like I could call him a friend. I knew that I could not fo as such how ever, as I felt like, as soon as I put that label on him, he would be soon to go next.
Also, he still was a kid technically, and I was thinking of him as if he had been his step father. I let out a bit of a soft sigh at the same time too, as I then shook off all of those thoughts all at once, as I knew that I needed to get my focus back on what it was that I had planned on doing before now, in the very first place any ways.
Which was of course, not just the fact that I needed to focus on the fact of what it was that my plans were on going out to explore, which of course, I had already told Shannon about. She seemed to be a little bit afraid to do all that much of that a lot lately, which I did not blame her for, as I was sure she did not want us to run in to the group that had destroyed our community not too long ago.
I felt like I might do some thing to them, so it made sense as to why she would be worried about that. If I was to do some thing, than it would put all of us in a lot of danger, as I knew that she had made a deal with them. Which of course, she still had not told any one here about, even after I had recommended that she probably should do as such.
Maybe she should not, and perhaps she was making the right decision on the fact that she had decided not to, as I knew that if people in our community were to find out all about that, than it would cause chaos, and I also felt like I could see a lot of people trying to leave us, or who knows what else might happen.
I sighed a little bit, as I blinked a few times, and I then shook my head, so that I could shake off all of those different thoughts that seemed to be racing through my head all at once, at the exact same time as well. I rolled my eyes a bit to my self, as I felt like a bit of an idiot for getting my self in to those thoughts, when we were getting so close to the gate, and out there, I knew that I could not be lost in my head.
Ben noticed me roll my eyes, and he stopped him self for about a second or so, as I could tell he was a little bit lost as to what was going on, as it seemed to be at the same time too, that he might be a bit worried that he had done some thing wrong, or he might have done some thing that had been quite a bit stupid as well, as I could tell that he had seen me roll my eyes.
It did not seem to be that he had noticed the fact that I was out of it how ever, which I felt to be good, in the case that I had told him that he should not think to much once you were out of the walls, unless it was a sticky situation that you needed to think of a way to get out of, or some thing of that sort.
It was bad it the fact though, that he might have thought that I was directing all of that towards him. I could tell that he was a bit worried, but at the same time as well, he was looking right at me at the same time too, as it was clear that he was looking for my advice on what it was that he had done wrong.
I had not been paying any sort of attention to Ben over the last few moments how ever, so perhaps he might have been doing some thing wrong, but I was not so sure if that could be the case at all, due to that fact in the very first place. I let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, as I knew what was about to occur next.
I looked at Ben, as I saw him looking right back at me with a bit of a worried look on his face, as I squinted my eyes at him at the same time too, so that I hid any sort of train of thought from him, which I knew that he was not all too good at figuring what people were thinking, based off of the look that they had on their face.
He seemed to be held back a little, as it seemed like he was hesitating. I could tell that he wanted to speak though, and I kind of just wanted to get all of it over with, as I had woken up quite a bit late, so we should be nearly half a mile if not a mile out at this point, though we were still stuck behind the walls.
The snow had stopped falling, so that was a plus at least, but I just wanted to get out there soon, so that we could find a place to stay the night out at. I did not know of all too much down there, so we needed to get on the move as soon as possible, rather than sit here and play little games, like it seemed that the both of us were doing at this very moment.
For me, it was the fact that I was so lost in my thoughts, but for him, it was the fact that he had stopped him self, as he was too worried for some reason, as to the reason that I had rolled my eyes, on what he had thought to be him self, which of course, had not been the case at all either.
I nodded to the kid, to let him know that it was safe for him to talk, and that I was listening as to what it was that he had to say to me in the first place. It seemed to calm him down quite a bit, as it always did, as he then nodded back to me, and finally, he then began to speak up to me at the exact same time as well, as I then listened to what it was that he felt like he had to say to me in the very first place.
"What's going on Christian? Are you okay? You seem to be quite a bit out of it right now..." He said to me, as I blinked a few times at the same time as well, as I was quite a bit shocked as to what it was that he had just said to me in the very first place too. He normally was not good at reading my thoughts, or any body's thoughts for that matter, so it kind of had me a little bit lost at the same time too.
I must be doing a very bad job at hiding it, which would not be a surprise at all to me at the same time too, as to the fact that the kid had noticed that I was out of it. I was out of it after all, and there was no denying it at this point, as I was not even going to try and deny it from the kid, as I knew that it was not going to fool him, just based off of the fact that it was him that had his eyes squinted at me for once.
I shook my head, as I felt like a bit of an idiot at the same time too, as I knew that I was stronger than this. I just was not so sure as to what was going on with me at this moment. I was tempted to tell the kid that he should go back home, but at the same time as well, I also felt like I needed to get this last and final mission started.
I knew that we did not need to get too relaxed back at home, or it would be a lot harder for us to go back out there. I squinted my eyes back at the kid, as I saw him dip his head to the ground, which of course was all that I had planned on doing, as I really did not want to tell the kid all that much.
Though I felt like at the very least, I should tell him just a little. The kid after all, had done what I could never do, even though I had been so close to it all of this time. I had never even told his step father that it was not too far away, and I had never asked him to such as the kid had to do.
I sighed a little bit, as I finally stopped squinting my eyes at the kid. It was time that I stopped lying to him, and to be straight forward with the kid. I was not okay at all, and he noticed it. If I did not tell him, than I very well knew that he was going to be stuck on those thoughts for the rest of this day.
As Ben noticed that I finally was not squinting my eyes at him, he then lifted his head up to me at the same time too, as he then nodded to me. He could tell that I wanted to speak, though I just was not sure where to get started. I sighed to my self a bit, and I nodded back to him, as I then in fact did begin to speak to the kid.
"It's just a dream... Or rather a memory that I had last night... About my kid, and my wife... That's all... Its got my mind clogged up... If we are going out there, I am going to need you to be on your A game... Okay kid?" I said to Ben, as it was a lot the truth. I knew that was as to why I was so out of it, and why I was so lost in thought at this very moment. I could not lie to my self, as I knew that never worked for me. Ben looked at me with a bit of a sad look on his face, after what I had just said to him. At first I was a little bit confused, but I shook off those thoughts, as I knew that I should not be, as he knew all about it, and it made sense as to why he would be sad. I sighed heavily to my self, as I then shook my head, and I began to continue to speak to Ben at the exact same time as well. "Alright... That is enough of all of that... It is time for us to go..."
The kid blinked a few times, as I could tell he was trying to erase him self from all of the thoughts that he too was having go through his head at this very moment as well. After he seemed to wake up just a bit, he then lifted his head back up to me, and he then nodded ahead of us, as it was clear that he was telling me to lead the way.
I blinked a few times at the same time too, as suddenly, just in a flash, I got all of the thoughts that had been swarming through my head all day, out of my head finally. I smiled a bit to my self, as I hid it from the kid at the exact same time as well, as I knew that it would only confuse him even more.
I felt like I was finally ready for us to go out, as I knew that all of that shit was in the past now, and that I needed to stop hanging on to it. It was the exact words that my father used to say to me. He was right as well, as I knew that I spent far too much time dwelling on the past, and that I needed to wake my self up at some point.
I sighed a bit, as I loved my father, but at the same time too, I also knew that once again, I did not need to dwell on him. Right now, I needed to focus on the present, and I needed to have plans for the future in my head at the same time too. The present of course, was the fact that I was about to take Ben out side of the walls, and finish off the rest us being together every single day.
It was time for us to head our separate ways, and I wish that I could say that he did not slow me down, but he did in fact do so quite a bit. It was a lot of the times, why I did like to go out side with any one else with me. I knew that I was a lot faster when I went on my own, as when I went with some one else, it felt like I spent half of the time explaining as to what it was that we were doing, and what my plans were for the day as well.
It was not just Ben that slowed me down, as I never went out with any one unless I knew I was going in to a dangerous area. Besides, a lot of the other people always seemed to have very loud foot steps. If I could hear the foot steps, than I knew that the dead could hear it as well, as they were attracted to sound, not human flesh.
Their brains did not work like humans either, so they could be chasing down one of us, and as soon as they heard any sort of noise, such as a gun shot, they would suddenly turn their heads over, and go over to where they had heard it come from in the very first place, at the exact same time too.
I shook my head, as I let out quite a bit of a soft sigh at the same time too. Even if I was not lost in bad thoughts, I also knew that I should not be lost in those sorts of thoughts either. I would have plenty of time to think all of this through, once we were out side, and we were in a safe place for the night.
I nodded to my self, as I kept my eyes, and my focus ahead of me, as I saw that the gate was not too far away from me at the exact same time as well. I smiled a little bit to my self, as I once again made sure that Ben did not see me do so, as I was glad that I was ready to go out there, as I knew that I would be a lot more focused out there once I was.
It was just some thing about the community, that made me think far too much to my self, which was a lot of the reason that I did not like to stay in here all that much, and why I almost always was out side of the walls. The only time that I had my focus on my surroundings, whilst I had been in the walls, had been the days that the place had gone to shit.
It had happened more than once, as the first time I had walked in on a big hole in the walls, and me seeing a lot of the dead go through it. It freaked me out, as I was worried that it had all gone bad. Well... A part of it had, as I had lost my best friend in the whole world, due to all of that.
I sighed, as I saw that we were now up to the side of the gates, as I all of the sudden lifted my head up to the tower, to see as to who it was that was guarding these section at this very moment. I blinked a few times, at the same time as well, as I saw who the person that was there, was staring at me with a big smile on their face.
I tilted my head a bit, as I saw that the person that was there, was of course Tyler. Why he had a smile on his face? I had not a clue as to what the answer was to the question. I continued to stare at the young guy, with a bit of a blank look on my face, as I waited for him to speak to me, as I could tell that he wanted to do as such.
I knew that the kid had lost a lot at the same time too. He had lost his father, when the storm hit the community, and he had lost the person that he was in love with, as well as a lot of his friends that had been guarding the walls at the time, when that other community had come in, and attacked all of us here.
I shook my head at the same time too how ever, as I knew that I really did not need to have my thoughts focused on that once again, as I then nodded to him, as I waited for him to speak. Tyler kept the same weird grin on his face, as he then nodded back to me finally, and he then finally then began to speak up to me at the exact same time too. I blinked a few times, as I then all of the sudden listened as to what it was that he had to say to me.
"It's been a while since I have seen you guys face... You guys have the best of luck out there!" He said to us, as I knew that he had learned at this point, that he could not talk long to the people that were trying to get in side, and out side of the community. It was just a short, and simple way of saying hello, as well as a good bye to us.
I looked at Tyler for just a little bit longer, as I did in fact remember as to the fact that it had been quite a while since I had heard from him. I hoped that he had been doing alright, as I knew that he, much like a lot of people in the community, and people that were still alive at the very least, did not have all that much left.
Many of the men, had lost their wives, and their children in the battle, and it was a lot of the reason as to why there was so many of them at the single events. There was a nearly 3x ratio of men out there, and based off of my personality, and the fact that I did not really like speaking to many people, I felt like I was not going to get to meet a woman of my liking.
It was still nice to hear the stories of a lot of the people there, as I could not help but smile at it. I shivered a few times, at the exact same time too, as I also knew that I should not have my mind lost on those sort of thoughts at the exact same time too, as I then shook my head, and I looked up at Tyler, as I saw him lifting the gates open.
I blinked a few times, as I nodded to him at the exact same time as well, as a little bit of a way of saying thank you to him. I looked at him for a little bit more time as well, as I saw a bit of a sad look in his eyes. I kind of felt bad for the young guy, as I could tell that he felt quite a bit lonely.
I kind of wished that I could help him, but sadly, I really just did not have the time, as I spent most of my time outside of the walls for one thing, but for another too, I also was busy when I was in side of the walls in the quite rare of an occasion. I sighed just a little bit at the same time too how ever, as I saw Tyler nod back to me, as the gate was fully open now, and he was just waiting for me to head through before he closed the gate.
I looked ahead of me, just to make sure that none of the dead were any where near the both of us, which I knew that I would hear them if that were the case, and that Ben would shoot them before they got any where near us too. Also, I also knew that it was Tylers job to make sure that none of the dead got any where near us at the same time too.
I shook my head, as I stared right back at Tyler for a few moments, as I felt like I could hear Ben in my ear waiting for me to start heading forward. I shook off those thoughts how ever, as I kept my focus on the young guy that was in front of me, as I began to speak to him at the same time as well, to at least give him some sort of comfort.
"Thanks Tyler... You have a good next few weeks pal, we are going to be out here for quite a while." I said to him, as I saw him nod back to me as a little bit of a response at the exact same time as well. He stared in front of the gates, and he nodded his head towards that at the same time too, as it was clear that he was waiting for us to head through.
I did not blame him for wanting us to go through either, as we usually did not have the walls open for this long, unless of course, you counted the day that the other community had come in, and they had attacked us. That really was not our fault at all though, as I figured that I should shake off those thoughts from my head at the same time too.
I nodded to my self, as I then turned my head back in front of me, as I looked at Ben to make sure that he was ready to head off at the exact same time too. Ben had a bit of a blank look on his face, as it was clear that he was already getting ready to do what it was that I had told him to do whilst we were out there.
Which was of course, to not be thinking of any other thoughts, besides the ones that were important, such as to make sure that you heard, and you had your eyes open to make sure that there were none of the dead heading towards us. I blinked a few times, as I figured that I should be the exact same way that he was now.
I then began to walk forward, as I looked behind me at the same time too, to make sure that Ben was following me as well, as I was no longer too sure when he was, because he had mastered the art of stealth, as I could no longer hear his foot steps when he was any where near me.
He had started practicing it, whilst we had been in the community, to make sure that he did not take any sort of time off from doing so, and now he was doing this to perfection. I could not tell the kid how proud that I was of him, and how far he had come, from when he was just a scared little boy when I had first taken him out side.
I grinned a bit to my self, though I once again hid it from Ben, just to make sure that he did not notice it, and he did not think too much on why I might be doing so in the first place. I then sighed a bit to my self, at the same time as well, as I heard Tyler closing the gates from right behind us, at the exact same time as well.
I was ready for all of this now, and it was clear that so was Ben as well, though I still had not told him the full truth of what this big trip was about. I looked back over to the kid for just a few moments, from the corner of my eyes, as I kept my eyes focused on what was in front of me at the exact same time too.
I could still tell that the kid was making sure that he was paying full attention as to all that was going on around the both of us all at once, as I could tell that he had his ears open, as well as the fact that he was turning his head around, to view the surroundings that were with us, as if he was worried that we were about to see a massive heard in the distance.
I rolled my eyes a little bit to my self, as I felt like I should just let the kid stay at it, as it was good practice for him, even though there was not much for us to worry about at first, as it was Tyler's job in the first place, to make sure that there was not any dead any where near the community right now.
I shook my head, as I then put my focus back on what it was that we were going to do for the day, as I felt like the kid had the both of us for now, though I did make sure that I had my ears open for any sort of noises that might be coming up on us at the exact same time as well, as I stared down at the ground beneath me.
The point of this trip, of course, was mainly to let Ben know that this was going to be the last time that we were going to be together for quite a while for one, but also the fact that I had wanted to explore this area that was around the way we were going at this very moment, for quite a bit of some time too.
I nodded to my self, as I felt like there might be some important things that we could try to scavenge, as it was a bit of a big neighborhood at least 25 miles out, that no one had never gone over to, even though they had gone to the town that had been close by it, to scavenge for supplies.
This mission was going to be to explore, as well as scavenge, but that was not what was on my mind at this very moment how ever. What was on my mind, was the fact that I still had yet to tell the kid that this was going to be the last time that we were going to be with one another.
I looked over at the kid at the same time as well, as I could tell that he was paying me no sort of attention. I let out a bit of a soft sigh at the same time too, as I was in fact, going to miss this kid. I shook my head, as I knew that I could not think that way about him, as I finally decided to speak up to him at the exact same time as well.
"Ben... Over the last few days, I have been meaning to tell you something..."