Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 27

“The purpose of life is not to just be happy. The purpose of life my love, is to feel. You must understand that your pain is essential.”

                                -Christopher Poindexter

Beauty. Beauty, grace, and simplicity.

If anyone would ever ask me, that’s what Macy never had. She was hot, but not beautiful. She was sexy, not graceful. And in no way was she simplistic. Macy needed the biggest things in life, the most expensive.

But then there was Kellie. Oh, my sweet little Kellie.

She was beautiful and hot. Kellie was nowhere near graceful and I loved it. She liked the simpler things in life, not caring about the newest trends, or movies, or fancy dates. We could sit under the stars in my backyard, and she was happy. And I think that’s why I fell in love with her so easily. She didn’t need what everyone else wanted. She didn’t need what I could supply with the snap of my fingers. She didn’t need or want really anything… Except for me.

And that’s what made me happy to go out of my way to spoil her. Because she got so shy when I did. Her face would turn scarlet, and her eyes would gleam, and a wide grin would tug at her pretty lips. It made me so happy to see her like that.

“Harry.” Kellie whispered, kissing my cheek before curling back into my side. “You weren’t watching the movie. The best parts coming up.” I smiled and wrapped her up tighter, resting my chin on top of her head.

“Sorry, love. Lost in thought I suppose.” She hummed in acknowledgment and slid her fingers between mine.

I smiled to myself and closed my eyes, taking in the feeling of her skin against mine, and thinking of how wonderful it was to have such a beautiful girl practically living with me.

“I love you.” I breathed, heart pausing to wait.

“I love you more.” She replied, kissing my chest.

I smiled to myself and tightened the grasp I had around Kellie’s waist, looking at the TV as I zoned out once more. I didn’t really pay attention to my thoughts either. In fact, I was just kind of swimming around in my mind, not focussing on anything at all, but at the same time I was focused on everything. An odd combination.

I jumped slightly as Kellie’s soft warm fingertips traced my jaw bone, my eyes falling to meet hers. “Do you still feel that feeling you got the first time you saw me, or was it only me who felt it?”

I smiled and brushed my fingers down her cheek. “I felt it, too.” I assured. “I just don’t feel it sporadically anymore. It’s every moment I’m with you, or hear you, or think about you. My entire body becomes warm and I get all happy and excited. And nothing can ruin my day.”

Kellie smiled softly and sighed. “I only wish I wasn’t so fucked up, you know? So you could have the girlfriend you deserve.” I shook my head.

“I have my dream girl. She’s just a little scratched up.” I murmured, kissing her forehead. “You know, just because you’ve had a few dark clouds, doesn’t mean that you’re fucked up. Life is about trying everything, and you are.”

She softly smiled, her eyes warming up once more, her thoughts straying from whatever deep memories that she was remembering in pain. “This is why I’m glad I have you.” She whispered, voice vulnerable.

“And this is why I’m made for you.” I stated, rubbing her arms.

Kellie smiled and settled back down into her spot, curling closer to me than she already was, her eyes slowly falling closed as she listened to the mix of my heartbeat and the movie playing softly as our background noise.

As usual, it didn’t take long for Kellie’s rare night terrors to begin. It was more subtle this time, a twitch here, whimper there. But then she began screaming and thrashing. Tears were streaming down her face and it hurt me to know that I couldn’t wake her up for both of our safety. So I sat, holding her tight as she screamed and cried and scratched at the air and my skin. Then her eyes jolted open, her chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. Her eyes were glazed over and staring straight forward before she turned to me and something in her features read complete fear.

“It’s okay baby, it was just a dream.” I murmured. But Kellie still stared at me as if I’d committed a huge crime and didn’t deserve to be near her.

“Just like him.” She whimpered, scampering backwards and off the couch, stumbling up from the floor.

“What? Kellie, sweetheart, come here.” She flinched as I began to stand, so I sat back down and slowly reached my hand out to her. “Baby, come here and talk it over with me. Please?”

She shook her head and took a large step back, nearly stumbling over the coffee table. “I-I think you should go.”

I gaped up at her. “But, we’re supposed to spend the night-”

“I know, but… But I need sometime to myself… Please?” I sighed, feeling any fight in me die as she looked up at me with her scared and wide green eyes.

“Okay.” I murmured, standing up and stretching. “Can I have a kiss?” I asked softly, and watched her nervously inch closer, before sliding her arms around my waist and quickly pecking my lips, then she was back across the room, watching me like a scared baby deer in a hunter’s trap.

I frowned and sighed, walking to the front door and outside to my car. I sat in the front seat for a while, just looking at the road ahead of me. It was horrible to not know what was going on in that scary little mind of hers. And it worried me that at this moment, she could be trying to kill herself again and I wouldn’t be able to save her this time, because she didn’t want me near her for whatever reason.

Out of nowhere, my body started moving without my orders, and I didn’t really notice until I slammed Kellie’s front door open and went up the stairs to her room, finding her sprawled on the bed with puffy red eyes and a shirt of mine hugged to her chest.

“I said go away, I don’t want to see you right now.” She murmured, turning away, but I dived onto her bed and pinned her down, head hanging just a few inches above hers, the minty scent of peppermint breath fanning my face.

“Whatever happens in your dreams, you can always tell me. We’re going to get into fights, because love isn’t smooth and easy. There’s gonna be days where you wanna strangle me. And maybe there’ll be days when I wonder why we’re still together.” She gaped, and a fresh batch of tears came to her eyes. “But that’s the way it’s supposed to go. Life is a roller coaster, not a walk in the park, and love without a little bit of anger isn’t love at all. I never plan on leaving your side, and I swear on my own grave that I never will.” I looked deep into her eyes. “There’ll be times where we hurt each other, where someone will hurt me, or hurt you. But that’s the way life is supposed to be.”

“I thought it was about love?” She sniffled, eyes looking incredibly green against the reddened areas around them.

“Pain and love are what life is about. Pain is shitty, but it’s a mandatory part of our lives.” I sat there, seated on top of her tiny body for a few minutes before she nodded and sighed. “May I know what your night terror was about now?”

She nodded and went on to tell me about how she dreamed that I didn’t love her, that it was a type of Carrie set up, and I was really just making fun of her, much like someone she wouldn't reveal, had in her past.