Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 38

"When I close my eyes, I'm somewhere with you."

                                        -Unknown

The rain hadn't stopped falling since Kellie died on Saturday. Sunday, they held a candlelight visual, and Monday we had an assembly talking about how we should value our lives. Tuesday there was a moment of silence. Today? Today was Wednesday, Kellie's least favorite day of the week, one she had dreaded from the day I met her. Odd, it was so incredibly odd to think that that was merely 8 months ago. A year ago, I had no idea of Kellie's existence, I didn't know I lived in a rut, I didn't know I was going to fall madly in love with one of the most depressed people I'd ever met. I didn't know I would hold that damaged girl through night terrors and hypnosis. I didn't know that I'd make her happier than she'd been in nearly a decade, and I didn't know that I would lose her.

Now? At the moment I was sat in the hallway across from her memorial in the school. It was odd to see that in 8 months, many people had actually admired Kellie, and some had befriended her, although she didn't let them get too close. They saw her as a friend, maybe a best friend, they were only acquaintances to her.

But so many people missed her. That's the kicker that surprised me as I went to the candlelight visual. More people had memories with her than I'd have expected. There was Marley, a girl who had met Kellie through orchestra and had become fast friends with her. There was Logan, who often had deep talks about life with Kellie. There was Jace, a boy whom she'd met through science and had become quick friends with. There was Luke, a best friend of Kellie's who went to McDonalds with her weekly. There was Mario, a boy who had a large crush on her. There was Alexis, a girl who Kellie let her wild side out with. There was a boy named John who Kellie had named Charlie, who admired her brains and thought she was fun. There was Nayele, who thought Kellie was beautiful and loved to test make-up on my lovely Kellie. There was people in Kellie's art whom adored her talent, there was people in her French whom she'd tutored.

There were so many people that I'd never known about. And they were all broken and telling me that if I needed anything, they were there for me.

Yet, I didn't know if I could handle meeting these people, hearing their stories of Kellie. So here I sat, alone, looking at the pictures of her with these people I didn't know she knew. Looking at the flowers, the gifts, the candles, and the letters that littered the memorial. After about an hour of looking at it, I stood and dragged myself to her locker. I looked at the pictures and letters covering the grey surface for a moment, then opened it for the first time since last Friday.

Her perfume took over my senses for a moment and a fresh batch of tears filled my eyes as I took her backpack out, slowly taking out the things within the locker. I looked at her picture of us kissing for a moment, my arms loosely draped around her, and wished that I would've held her just a little tighter.

I took down her pictures and chuckled at the memory from when we first met, when she was ranting about how much she hated when people decorated her locker. Yet there was pictures of myself and us covering the rusty metal.

I slung my backpack on my back and walked to English with heavy feet, dreading the looks I'd get. I didn't want to go to school, but I knew I had to, for Kellie. She loved school as much as she hated how much time it took up.

I entered the class long after the bell had rang, although no one bothered to give me tardies. I wish they would, I didn't want to go home, just to see the ghosts of memories filling my home. To hear giggles from not so long ago, to feel phantom brushes of affection. I'd rather sit and rot in detention.

I dropped into my seat for the first time this week, having been avoiding this class, and looked over, half expecting to see Kellie in her seat, drawing on her desk with her hair over one shoulder, eyebrows drawn in focus as she bit her bottom lip and her light green mechanical pencil moved in sporadic movements, with the sun wrapping her in it's warm embrace.

But the seat was empty, the only signs that she'd ever sat there were the doodles that she'd never let me look at. I leaned across the aisle now, taking a deep breath as I looked at the drawings of me and the poems filling the surface. Carved into the wood, most likely from her pen, was KLZ+HES.

I instantly gathered my bag and bolted from the room, no one running after me. I didn't stop running until I felt the warm air wrap around me, my lungs not allowing in any air as I hyperventilated. I felt like someone had their hand wrapped around my lungs, squeezing the air out of me.

I managed to dial my mum's number, and when she didn't hear me speaking back, just desperate gasps for air, she told me she'd be at my school within minutes.

True to her word, she arrived soon and hugged me to her chest as I sobbed and screamed in heartbroken anger.