Silent Cries H.S {AU}

Chapter 14

“No really, it’s fine. I didn’t expect you to stay.”

                                                                                        -Unknown

I didn’t move from my spot in my closet, curled up against the door. I’d finally made it home after hours of searching the city. No one was awake, or worried, as usual. Not that I expected it. It just didn’t lift me out of my dark hole that Macy had told Harry to kick me into.

With a groan I got up after I heard the front door close, signalling that Randi and step-ugly had left for work, meaning it was just Alex and I. So I stood and dragged my weak body down the stairs and into the kitchen, finding a tired Alex munching on cookies and cream poptarts, his short dirty blonde hair messy as always and his blue green eyes focussed on his tablet which was loudly playing Back to the Future.

“Hey buddy.” I greeted my favorite person on this planet. He looked up and dropped everything in his hands, running over to me, hugging me tightly around my waist.

“I was scared for you last night, but mommy said you were fine.” He whispered, face buried in my shirt. I smiled slightly and hugged him tightly, taking in the only affection I could count on.

“How about I drive you to school today?” I smiled down at him as he led me to the counter, making me sit down as he went to fetch chocolate chip cookie dough pop tarts for me.

“Okay!” He grinned, a dimple doting his cheek. I smiled softly back to my polar opposite in looks. It was odd. We were separated by so many years, we looked nothing alike, and we were obviously different genders. But Alex was probably the only person who got me in the entire world. He was the only person who understood me, who cared about me as much as daddy had.

Alex and I watched his movie as he ate. I secretly threw mine in the trash, having no appetite at all.

At 8 we were in the car and driving to the elementary school with Fall Out Boy playing full blast. I hugged him and promised to pick him up after school and drove home, going up to the secret room. I simply sat in there for a while, gazing around the room before a sudden anger began to overpower me.

I pushed off the couch and stomped over to the large window, unlatching it and opening it wide, looking down to the backyard. I turned and began pushing everything in the room out the window as I yelled curse words and Harry’s name. Before I knew it, the room was empty and my voice was so raw that I thought I tasted blood. Then I fell to the floor again, and just sat there, watching the world outside turn, the sun shining as I sat in this shitty old house, in the deepest darkest recesses of it.

I actually spent half the time thinking of how easy it would be, to just run and swan dive from the window. I’d be flying, then this shit show I lived in would be over.

As I thought of that, Alex’s loving gaze filled my mind and my body slumped as I thought of the sadness I would put onto him, as my dads death had put onto me.

I couldn’t do that to Alex. He was more of my little silverlining, my little angel, than my mothers. She didn’t appreciate him, he was just the child she enjoyed introducing people to. She enjoyed bragging about Alex.

I shook out of my mind and went into my room, looking at the time before going downstairs and pulling on my Docs, running out to my car. I stopped at McDonalds on the way to Alex’s school, picking him up fries and a cheeseburger as a treat for the little guy.

I pulled up to his school and soon enough he had crawled into the back seat and began digging into the bag of fast food, cheering as he tugged out his fries, quickly stuffing his face. I smiled into the mirror as I made sure he was buckled before pulling out onto the street.

“Anything you need for school buddy?” I asked, looking around. “I’ll stop if you do.”He shook his head and continued to happily munch. I smiled and turned Fall Out Boy up, jamming along with him as we drove to the very outskirts of town and to that hell house that we were forced to live in with Satan’s favorite pieces of scum.

When we parked, Alex got out and skipped up to the door at my side, animatedly talking about his day and how crystal and him were ‘dating’. cause I’m sure in 5th grade dating is a super serious thing. He sat down at the table and began his homework as I sat next to him, playing games on my phone and helping with homework when I was needed.

It was almost like when dad was alive, how he’d sit by my side as i struggled with my homework, whispering little hints to me every couple seconds as Randi yelled that I needed to learn on my own, and stop being an idiot.

After he was finished with homework, Alex went off to play some of his dorky video games like most boys do and I was left sitting in the kitchen, wondering if my dad would approve of who I was now. Would he be happy that I took such good care of alex? Would he be sad that I’m so depressed? Would he be proud of how much poetry I know?

I may never know, because he was taken from Alex and I, leaving us to grow up under verbal abuse and ever changing step fathers.

He’d probably be disappointed that I hadn’t kicked Harry’s ass yet, but I honestly didn’t really care anymore. I was tired, physically and emotionally. I felt like the last bit of energy had been depleted from my body, and I just wanted to go into an eternal slumber, but I couldn’t leave Alex here alone with Randi. She’d turn him from the sweet little boy he is, into a little Randi.

I couldn’t let that happen. So as tired as I was with life already, I needed to stick around for a little while longer, I needed to deal with being tired for just a few more years, then maybe I could get some sleep.