Only Fools...

'Danny is so buff' - Chapter Twenty-one

Recap

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"He told me he thought he was falling in love with me." I quoted.

"What did you say?" She sounded so excited and happy - too bad I was about to ruin that for her.

"Nothing - I left."

"Left?" Oh dear - she sounded pissed.

"I kind of ran out of the shop. It was only afterwards that I realised I felt the same way."

"Are you on the bus yet?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"Get off and tell him how you feel. Now, do it now."

"It's too late." I had tears in my eyes. "He called and said we should stay friends."

"Friends?"

"Yeah - there's nothing I can do. It's over."

That's when it set in properly. I was in love with my best friend and there was nothing I could do about it.

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I had never been more eager to go back to school again. This half term had been rough.

Realising that I was in love with my best friend's ex-boyfriend was bad. Realising that he liked me too was very bad. Realising that I had blown any chance of being with him and that I was going to have to pretend everything was fine and that we just friends again was catastrophic.

The worst thing about the whole situation was that ordinarily I would talk to Amy about any sort of boy trouble - she was my best friend after all. But this was different, how could I explain that I lied to her? How could I explain that the boy I was upset over was her first love, the only boy who was completely off-limits to me?

I guess I could have talked to Rachel but she was so far away, the other side of the country, and it was hard to convey how I was feeling to someone who is so happy in her own relationship. I was fully aware that I would just be dampening the mood if I blabbered on about me and Danny when her and Jack were having such a great time. And they really were.

In my comatose state I had been living vicariously through Rachel's Twitter page for the remainder of the week. Her and Jack seemed to be spending everyday together, and the Rachel's overindulgent use of heart emojis suggested that they were having a great time. It sounds bad but I sort of begrudged them it completely. And I felt awful for even thinking it, but I sort of wish Rachel was upset and crying with me instead of gallivanting off with Jack. Does that make me a bad person? Probably.

I had pretended to Amy that I was ill for the remainder of the half term, which wasn't that hard. Lying to her had become second nature by this point. She was working a lot anyway, waitressing at the local pub. And she was with Zac a lot nowadays. So she didn't really take any notice that I did nothing all day except do my homework, watch Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, and check twitter. Which was good, I guess. I simply told her that I was feeling under the weather and felt a cold coming on, and that she shouldn't worry about me. So she didn't. I'm not going to lie, it felt immensely good doing nothing but feel sorry for myself all week. It's probably selfish but I loved indulging in my own self pity.