Only Fools...

'Especially in a Starbucks' - Chapter Twenty

Oh my gosh, you wouldn't even believe how much time it's taken me to upload this - so many things have gone wrong but anyway here we go

/ / / / /

Recap -

"I'm starting to think that maybe," Danny scrunched up his face. "That maybe my feelings towards you are a bit more than friendly."

"What do you mean?" Was he really going where I think he was going?

"Jess, I think I'm falling in love with you."

/ / / / /

I stared at him; was he serious? I searched his eyes, looking for signs. They stared back at me with sincerity and a longing for an answer - he was telling the truth, he's falling in love with me. Those weren't the eyes of someone joking; those were the eyes of someone who was totally serious and expected a reply. Crap. What do I say? Do I love him too? I don't think so. But how do I tell him that? This is a lot to process - it's like our whole friendship has been a lie.

"How long for?" I asked, hoping the answer would clear my scattered thoughts a bit.

"I'm not sure - it's been gradual, it started when," he paused for a second, almost embarrassed, "it started around the time of the incident." He looked at me, would I understand what he meant by the 'incident.'

Of course I understood. Although I've tried to block it from my mind, I guess it makes sense.

"Jess?" He asked, requesting a reply to his honesty.

"I need to go." I said, picking up my bags and drink. "I'll talk to you soon." And with that I was out of the door and running down the street towards the bus stop. But as I ran I couldn't repel the image from my mind. The image of his face as I left. He looked full of despair and confusion - as if he genuinely couldn't believe what I was doing. What was I doing? Was that really the best way to end it? If I was in love with a friend and they just ran out like that I'd be feeling like absolute crap. Maybe I should go back. No. No, it's too late now - he needs time.

I thought back to the incident. The incident I hadn't told anyone about, not Rachel and especially not Amy. The whole thing was a mistake, I'm sure of that, but I had no idea that Danny had feelings from that moment. I remembered how after the event I'd had to think about my own feelings for Danny, and wondered if maybe I had developed any. Of course I dismissed the idea completely. How could I have thought about feelings for Danny when he -. I stopped my train of thought. This wasn't healthy, I shouldn't dwell on the past.

As I was walking to the bus stop I saw an ad for a film on a passing bus. It showed a girl and a boy and the film was clearly about a love story between the two. And I stopped. I stopped in the middle of the street staring at this poster. Soon the bus was out of sight completely and the poster gone with it. But I still couldn't move. I just stood there - transfixed. I'm in love with Danny.

What? As soon as the thought entered my head I dismissed it. Me, in love with Danny? No. Impossible. Of course not. I don't like him, not in that way. Do I? I thought back to Amy's bedroom when she asked me who I liked. The first person I said? Danny. He came to my mind before anyone else. My brain was filled with Danny. In fact, I thought through my timeline, my brain is always filled with Danny. Whatever I do, whatever I say, whatever I dream at night - Danny's always there. I think about what Danny would say to me if he were here; what Danny would do if he saw me now. Danny, Danny, Danny - always. When I said Danny in reply to Amy's question, he completely preoccupied my brain. Why did I say him? Someone says 'crush' and I say 'Danny'. That's not normal. That's like a word association game gone wrong. And the lying about the famous guy I mean, talk about deperate. This whole trip I've been lying to Amy almost constantly. Why would I do that if I felt nothing? Why wouldn't I tell her who I was meeting today if I felt nothing? Why would I be frozen here in the middle of the street, thinking about him if I felt nothing.

Gradually, everything became clear - all the answers formed together in my mind and pointed to the same thing. I have feelings for Danny. And he has feelings for me.

My bus appeared at the bus stop so I ran to catch it - feeling absolutely euphoric as I did so. I buzzed my oyster card, sat down and sighed. Everything felt perfect - I liked him and he liked me. What could be better? Except - crap. I'm on a bus going in the opposite direction to Danny after running out on him. Oh Jess, why couldn't you figure all this out before. Of course you like him - you always have. I couldn't go back to starbucks now - besides he'd probably left. I needed to call him.

However, as I turned on my phone I realised that he'd already called me, and left a voicemail. I pressed play.

"Hey Jess. Are you okay? I know that that was too heavy for me to go into, especially in a Starbucks. And it's clear that you don't feel the same way. I guess I'm sorry? I shouldn't have said those things. I don't even know if they're real - it was just an impulse. I mean - even if they were real if you don't feel the same then what can I do? Can we - can we go back to the way things were, before I opened my stupid mouth yeah? Just friends. Just friends. Anyway I - see you later mate." My phone beeped as the message ended.

The first thing I felt was guilt. I shouldn't have ran out of Starbucks, who does that? Even if I didn't like him that was stupid. All feelings aside, he was one of my best friends. And if one of your best friends is in trouble, you should be there for them. The second thing I felt? Helplessness. There was nothing I could do. Danny's changed his mind and it was too late to stop him. He said he may not even have feelings, that it was just an impulse. No matter what I did, one of us was going to get hurt. The third thing I felt was that I needed to call Rachel.

***

"Rach? It's Jess, can you talk?"

"Sure. What's up, you sound upset. Is everything okay?"

"I think I like Danny." I paused. "I think I like him romantically."

"Obviously!"

"What? Aren't you a bit more shocked?"

"Jess!" She screeched. "Have I or have I not been telling you this the whole time?"

"I guess, but now we both know how I feel."

"Have you told him?"

"No, he told me."

"Wait what?" There's the shock I'd been expecting.

"He told me he thought he was falling in love with me." I quoted.

"What did you say?" She sounded so excited and happy - too bad I was about to ruin that for her.

"Nothing - I left."

"Left?" Oh dear - she sounded pissed.

"I kind of ran out of the shop. It was only afterwards that I realised I felt the same way."

"Are you on the bus yet?" She asked.

"Yes?"

"Get off and tell him how you feel. Now, do it now."

"It's too late." I had tears in my eyes. "He called and said we should stay friends."

"Friends?"

"Yeah - there's nothing I can do. It's over."

That's when it set in properly. I was in love with my best friend and there was nothing I could do about it.

/ / / / / / / / / / /

Yeah I know that everything's messed up but my computers broken so I had to upload it from my phone.

But anyway, this is a sad chapter I guess and it creates another loop in the rollercoaster of Danny and Jess's relationship. Also any guesses for what the 'incident' is - yet more foreshadowing for you to ponder over (mwah-ha-ha-ha)

I'll be able to upload a bit more after I'm back from holiday.

Remember to vote comment fan and email me atLunaCrestaWriter@gmail.com with any queries.

See you soon :)

~LunaCresta