Frenemies with benefits(boyxboy)

closure

Will's POV:

It seemed like Brian and I could never catch a break. Ever since we foolishly hooked up, we both went through some intense self discovery. In a way, we broke our toxic patterns and evolved as people. At least I did. I was so ready to suppress my emotions and find a boyfriend at college. No way I would be openly gay in high school. But he changed me. He made me want to change, to be a better person. On the other hand, I didn't really know what I have done or can do to help him.

His problems seemed to be deeply complicated. I wanted his family to like and accept me, but I didn't really like them. But Brian obviously did. 

When he came home crying his eyes out, I was so ready to beat up his brother. I didn't care that it was his family. He needed to pay for messing up Brian. But once he calmed down, he told me quite the different story from what I imagined.

I made him sit down at my bed, wrapped in blankets. I cuddled him, letting him take his time. If he didn't want to talk about it, then I would give him time. But he did talk. And he told me everything.  

Word for word, my stomach felt sick from what he told me. I couldn't believe it. Neither could Brian. I had no idea what to say to comfort him. He didn't even remember any of it. I couldn't come up with one thing to say that would make the situation better. 

The anger I felt for his brother evaporated into gratefulness. I should apologize to him. No, he might be uncomfortable with basically a stranger knowing something so intimate about him. I would be on my best behavior. I would show with my actions how grateful I was to him. And his mother... There was no way I would tell mom about this. But I would prompt her to invite Mrs. Kim for dinner often. When it came to Brian... All I could do was listen to him. Try to understand.

I told him I would be there for him no matter what, and instead of thanking me, he told me he would do the same. Though I wasn't in need of it, I felt reassured. In that moment, I was sure I was going to love Brian my entire life. 

"I just don't know what to do anymore...", Brian told med. "I don't know how to make it up to my family, I'm just so shameful", he said. "They choose to do what they did. You we're just a kid, and they were protecting you", I comforted him. 

"Eric was a kid too", Brian whispered.

I sighted, because I knew he was right. 

I remembered last week, how coming out felt like the scariest thing in the world. It felt kind of ridiculous now. I really wished Brian would have a small problem, like not having a car. Or failing a math quiz. Anything but this. None of us were made to deal with something like this. At last, I found something to say that wasn't completely stupid.

"They might have protected you, but you have lost a lot of your childhood to. Like you said, your mother is paying for Eric's education. She gives him attention and love, because of what he went through. He suffered for you when you were a kid, and now, you protect and take care of your mother while he can relax. You have all been taking care of each other, as a family. I don't think you should feel guilty, because there is nothing you could do different", I said.

"Thank you", Brian hugged me. "I guess I should talk to Eric and my mother. I don't want us to drift apart because of this", he said. "That sounds like a good idea. I'll be here for you if you ever need anything", I told him. "Thanks, but this is something that I have to go through alone. But... It will be a lot easier knowing you have my back", he smiled.

We held each other for a while, trying to ignore the world and everything around us. That peace lasted for a short while, as the doorbell suddenly rung. "I'll get it", I told Brian, letting him relax. He needed it. But as I opened the door downstairs, I completely froze. 

"I'm assuming Brian is here", Mrs. Kim said. "Could I please talk to him?", she asked. "Uhm, yeah", I stuttered. "Uh, Brian", I yelled over my shoulder. "Your mom is here to see you", I yelled. We stood in silence as we waited for Brian to walk down the stairs. "Uh, come in, please", I told Mrs. Kim when I realized she was just standing outside the door. "Thank you", she said in a polite tone, stepping inside the house. She slightly bent down, touching her shoes, before she straightened up, like she remembered where she was. 

"Hey", Brian softly greeted. "Hi", his mother said back. I realized it was my cue to leave. "You can sit in this living room if you want to, I'll be in my room if you need anything", I said, pointing to a small living room on the first floor. Brian nodded before sitting down.

Brian's POV:

I was so anxious, I could feel my hands shaking as I sat down. I couldn't look at my mother. Not yet. Just three more seconds before I had to face her, I begged the universe. But then I saw her body, her knees on the floor. I looked up in shock, realizing she was kneeling before me. "M-mother!", I stammered. "What are you doing? Get up, please!", I begged her, grabbing her arms.

"Brian, I am so sorry", wailed. "I-I never knew you felt like this!", she said. "Mother, it's fine. I am sorry to. I wanted to apologize for being so childish. I was self-centered, and didn't consider that you might be struggling too", I said. I got her to stand, and made her sit down in a chair. "Eomma, I'm sorry for giving you problems", I told her while kneeling in front of her. I realized I could now look at her, not with resentment, but with gratitude.

"My beautiful baby boy", she cried. "You should not have to apologize. Not to me. I was simple-minded. I didn't realize that just because I wasn't doing anything cruel to you, didn't mean I couldn't hurt you. I didn't do enough for you", she said.

"I just- I just feel like I was such a disappointment to you. I just wanted to make you proud", I said. "But Brian", she held my face in her arms. "I am proud of you. Every day. I just don't say it to you enough. You see, Eric has had such a horrible childhood, and I feel very guilty for that. I was always worried for him, and I devoted all my attention to him. You never did anything wrong, it was actually the opposite. I was never worried for you, because you were such a good boy. In my attempt to take care of Eric and show him how he is not broken by his childhood, I accidentally broke you. And for that I am sorry. I have failed you both as a mother", she hung her head in shame, apologizing.

"Mother, don't. I really appreciate that you apologize to me, but you haven't failed as a mother. If you had failed, I wouldn't be so desperate for your approval", I said, making her look at me. When she finally looked up, tears were welling in her eyes. "What have I done in my past life, to deserve two such wonderful sons?", she asked. Then, tears started dropping from her eyes. When I saw her cry, I couldn't hold it back anymore, and thick hot tears fell from my eyes too. 

"I love you", I told her, leaping up to hug her tightly. "I love you too. And I'm so proud of you", she told me back. I sobbed harder once she said she was proud of me. And just then, a little piece inside of me that was always aching, suddenly vanished with her soothing words. 

A/N: there's only one chapter left...