Jaana : The Girl He Loved Too Much

Chapter 29

They say time flies like an arrow. How strange it is that time can be as fast as an arrow and at the same moment as slow as a snail. Sitara was surfing the library, trying to find yet another escape out of her monotonous life. All these months here secluded and aloof, life has rendered her clueless about the outside world. She grazed her dainty fingers on the books neatly stacked, thinking how she was never into reading. However, getting settled in the routine where you have to spend the maximum time alone, books unknowingly become your partner. Not having much to do around, Sitara, too, grew this newfound interest in reading. Though she seldom wondered what new movies would have come out since she came here. Once again, her mind drifted to her old days when she and Nargis used to bunk classes to watch movies.

A smile came to her thinking of her best friend, and at the same time, a tear rolled down as the realization dawned that she couldn't meet her. She shook her head, sliding that thought away, and wiped her tears. She can't just keep crying over the past. She is tired of being sad, and this is now her life, so she needs to learn how to be happy in this.

She pulled out a book, but it stuck, and she tried pulling it out with a jerk "Ahhh" she screamed as the whole shelf came trembling down at her, making her fall on her butt.

Well, she got the book in her hand, but also the ten others stacked with it. She coughed as the dust flew in her nose. Though the book was kept neatly in a pattern, it doesn't look like these are cleaned every day.

She waived off the dust and got up patting her palms with each other and wiping them with the loose end of her saree.

She picked up the books to keep them back when she about to keep them back. A paper fell off from the book Tale of two cities.

"Uh-ohh," she muttered and kept the books on Shahzain's desk and sat down to pick it up

The softness of the paper made her realize that it is a photograph. Her heart trembled for a second. Should she invert it and see? Whose photograph he would have kept in a book. Don't people keep their loved possessions in the books, something they don't want to lose like a rare leaf or a rose given by a lover. She was curious about who could be that special for a man like her husband to be stored like this. Is this her own photograph? A thought came to her. It could be possible considering his whole room is her one big collage, so why couldn't this. But they never got a photograph clicked, and everywhere in his house are her paintings and not photographs.

Maybe it is his childhood's or parents. That made her curious. She didn't know anything about his family. Who are his parents? Where did he grow up? Why did no one ever meet her? All these questions always bugged her, but she was too scared of him to ask this. Taking a deep breath gathering her courage, she inverted it.

She blinked seeing a girl. Not just a girl but a very beautiful girl. Brown eyes, pink lips, long black hair, complexion like cream, she was so perfect. She looked young and so beautiful like she was some fairy out of a fairy tale. The girl has big eyes, but her eyes had a weird emotion in them. Her lips were slightly curved in a smile, but her eyes were silent. She was looking outside the window, like waiting for someone or maybe waiting for herself. Her eyes graced her longing. Looks like the photographer has caught her in her moment. The moment she stole from the world for herself.

She grazed her finger on the exceptional beauty. "Who is she?"

"Firdaus"

She trembled at the sudden voice, and the photograph fell from her hands. Her eyes widened, and her whole body quivered, seeing Shahzain in front of her in all his glory standing with his arms folded at his chest, looking down at her.

She got up, trembling holding his gaze. She was shivering in fear as she was trapped spying on him. He bent down and picked up the photo from the ground. He looked at her, and she dropped down her gaze scared of him.

"I-I-it-it fell from-from the book. I-I wasn't prying, " she stuttered her explanation before he can even question. He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back.

"You want to ask something?" He said amazing her. She thought he would get angry that she was snooping around his stuff, but his words were far from anger.

"Jaana" he lifted her face, holding her chin. "You want to ask something?" He asked again softly. Trying to convince her that he is asking genuinely and not manipulating her.

But the soft voice is not enough to make her thumping heart calm down. She shook her head slightly. Thousands of questions were going haywire in her head, but like every time her fear was winning. She chose to remain curious and not give in to the temptation of knowing about a piece of him.

He left her face and moved to his desk. He kept the photograph again in the same book and stacked all of them back.

"Come, let's have dinner," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

It might come as a shock but you are not his first love, and maybe not last either , Faizan's words echoed back in her ears. The girl before her, the one Faizan told her while his test, their conversation came back to her, but that was ruse, wasn't it? Maybe the girl part was true. Is she the girl he loved? Where is she now? Or is she someone else? Is this is his sister? Maybe? Maybe not? The questions were raiding her mind. She was fidgeting her fingers in nervousness. She wants to ask, and yet she can't.

"I gave you the chance to ask." His voice got her startled. "J-Ji?" She asked bewildered.

He turned her towards him and held her shoulders. "Jaana your eyes are filled with questions. Why are you not asking me?" He asked with a light smile, trying to calm her down.

She looked down, she wanted to, and his softness was giving her the courage, but she was contemplating if it would be a good move. Last time she asked about where he spent the night, he got so angry. She doesn't want to repeat that. She has seen him getting overboard over a thing as petty as her leaving the bed before he woke up. And this certainly doesn't seem like a nerve she would want to touch after the two peaceful weeks.

But what if she doesn't get this chance again. Should she let go of something that gives her an opportunity to know him. He knows her inside out, infact right now, he knows about her family more than her. She doesn't know how they are doing, but he must. Should I ask?

He stopped letting out a sigh. He sat on the tan couch, leaving her at the doorway. She turned to him, surprised that why he halted. Didn't he ask to go to the dinner? Why did he stop? She turned towards him, and he was sitting on the couch staring at her, looking at her dilemma that had caused her shivering.

"Jaana, if we leave this room, you won't get this chance again. So I am asking for the last time, do you want to ask something?"

"Who is she?" she asked finally. She didn't want to leave the chance tomorrow. No one else can tell her, and this would have bugged her all the time. If he is giving her the chance, she thought to risk her fear. Though his smirk made her second guess her decision.

"Firdaus," he said, getting up. He moved towards the shelf and pulled out the same book. He opened the page with her photograph and took it out. He kept the book back and photograph on the desk and leaned on it. With his arms folded at his chest, he looked at Sitara and added, "Firdaus was my first love."