Jaana : The Girl He Loved Too Much

Chapter 42

"All my life, all I ever wanted was to be loved," she replied with her eyes stuck on his teardrops.

She was angry as hell, but his agony washed down her anger, and all she wanted was to be a part of his pain. To open her heart in front of him. To tell him how what he calls misfortune has become her biggest blessing.

She held his face, and her fingers got wet with his tears. "And never in my dreams, I would have imagined that someone like you will love me." A wry laugh accompanied her words.

"Scared? You say I fear you." She scoffed a bit. "Scared is not even close to the dread I used to feel from you. I fainted the moment you saw me. That's how much I used to fear you." She said, laughing a little, reminiscing about how much they have been through.

"The way you love is so different from the love I used to know. The love I imagined was sweet, tender, light but you have shown me the dark side of love. You told me that love can be this intense, crazy, obsessive. And trust me as the days passed with you, it got darker and I never would have thought the darker it will be the more I will be trapped in it. I used to laugh at my fate that whether I should be happy that I have a man who can die a hundred times only to bring a smile on my face. Who will always choose me in a heartbeat, no questions, no matter the consequences or should cry over the fact that the same man is so obsessed with me that he is even dreaded with the fact of sharing me with his own child. There were moments when I used to think, is this man crazy?" She said with a small laugh wiping her tears."And slwoly I believed that yes, this man is crazy."

He laughed a bit along with her, and she continued with her eyes stuck on his and her fingers intertwined with his. "But when that crazy psychotic monster looks at me, I feel beautiful. When he rushes to me as soon as he steps inside, I feel important. Like I matter. I matter to someone so much. He misses me so damn much that he wants to see my face even before he washes off the tiredness of the day. When he talks to me endlessly, I feel like I am significant that someone waited to pour his heart out. You know no matter the fear, I used to wait for him to come back so that I could hear him talking. He says I have made him lose his sanity but for me he has became the anchor to hold on to keep my sanity. When he sleeps holding me tightly in his arms, I feel that I am the most valuable blessing he ever got. The man who is the king of his world wanders worriedly, sacred, barefoot, around the house losing his mind because he didn't see me in his arms when he woke up. The monster who kills on impulse without as much as a frown cries in front of me, being grateful that I love him. The monster I used to loathe was the gruesome killer, a ruthless manipulator who uses people as his puppets and the angel I fell in love with was the man who became the shelter for the weak when it was suppressed by none other than the people tagged as their protectors. I fell for that selfless Messiah, but I am loved by the selfish Monster. You told me your worst part and now I will tell you my worst part. The worst part is I love him too. I am doomed, aren't I?" She said with a small laugh leaning into him holding the sides of his neck from both her hands, her forehead touching his. He held her face to lift it up. Looking into his eyes she said "Yes, I used to be scared of your love, I still am, but my fear now is not that I will burn in your love, but what if I lost my Shahzain." She kissed his tears.

Holding his hands, she brought him to the bed. She sat him down and knelt in front of him.

"You came like a storm in my life and flew me with you like a dried leaf. You say you are a misfortune. I don't know if you are a blessing or a curse, whether you are the best thing that happened to me or the worst. What I know is I can't lose you. I have built my world around you, and I am not ready to lose it. And I am sure as hell I will not let you take that away from me, " she said, leaning her head in his lap.

"I love you, Shahzain, for the first time, I am feeling happy. Don't take this away from me." She said, controlling her sobs, feeling his fingers in her hair.

He laid his head on her, wrapping his arms around her. "This is not a dream, right?" He said between his sniffles, and she shook her head slightly. "Even if it is a dream, I would never want to wake up," she said, tightening her hold around him.

She lifted her head, making him sit straight. Sitting on her knees, she cupped his cheek. "I would rather die than wake up in a world without you, Shahzain," she said, leaning into him. His hands traveled in her hair, pushing her closer to him and tasting her sweet tears. He kissed her cheeks, followed by her forehead. Her lips engulfed his, giving him his solace.

"I will always love you, Jaana, I promise you." He said, breaking the kiss.

"I know, promise me you will never leave me," she demanded, and he smiled at her naivete. How can he leave her after listening to her confession. She is the air he breathes in, and now, after knowing how much her heart also mirrors what he feels, he can not even imagine leaving her. "I know I tried, seeing you like that made me question everything we have been through, but you know it, I know it, Jaana, I couldn't have done it. You know how selfish I am." He said, kissing her again.

"Please arrange for someone to drop off Nargis," Sitara said as they reached inside the living room. "Tara," looking them coming, holding wach other's hand made Nargis let of a sigh of relief. "Yea-yeah, no, actually, don't bother I can go. I will hail a cab or something from the main road," Nargis responded a bit hesitant.

"Tara," she said, holding her from her shoulder, and she turned towards her. "Nargis," she hugged her tightly. "Please promise me, you will not tell about our meeting in the family." her request made Nargis break the hug. "But why Tara?" she asked, surprised. She thought Sitara would want them to know about her, like she spent all the time talking about them, and she was sure they must be elated to know about her. "Because I don't want anyone to have hopes of meeting me, I know this happened, and I am grateful for it that I got to meet you, but I never hoped for it. By now, y'all must have learned to live without me. Now, even the questions must have died down. I don't want to stir up any hopes that won't be fulfilled. Once again, they have to go through all the pain of accepting that I will never meet them, so let it be. I met you, and that's enough." She said, holding her hands

"Uski zaroorat nahi padegi Jaana." (That won't be required, Jaana) came Shahzain's voice as he touched Sitara with her shoulder.

"I-I don't understand, what do you mean?" she asked, surprised, looking at him. She knows he can't make his heart allow her to meet others. Can he do that? She thought, holding on to a glimmer of hope. She loved him but she loved them also, she sure as hell would want to be in contact of her family, watch her sister grow up, be there when her mother needs her, celebrate her brother's success. She doesn't ask for it because now she has made peace with her life, and loving him has given her a reason to stay happy as well. But if there is a teeny tiny possibility, she would love to grab it.

"I promise you, Jaana, I will give you all the happiness in the world," he said, cupping her cheeks and making her hopes rise.

Nargis also smiles broadly, thinking the same. "I know how much being with Nargis Bhabhi will give you the biggest happiness," he said, looking towards her with a smile. Nargis couldn't believe, for her it's like a dream come true, and so does Sitara. They looked at each other with giddiness.

"You mean -" she tried to ask him when he told them his decision, holding her, "I have decided that Nargis Bhabhi will not leave now. She will live with you from now on, forever." He said in excitement, washing off her smile.