There was always you

4 | The movies got it wrong

ADIRA BOWEN

The feeling of comfort fills me. I clutch the comforter to my chest as I snuggle deeper into the bed. The warmth of it keeps me cocooned in this state. My eyes open slowly, I'm greeted by darkness.

I sit up confused by my surroundings. The smell of coffee fills my nose. As I find myself in a dark room, I then remember where I am.

I remember yesterday and with that, my few moments of peace were lost. The throbbing pain from yesterday's tears returns and my stomach tightens again.

My eyes well up as I stand and lift the window cover. My eyes shut instantly by the exposed light, I wondered what time it was and how far away we were.

I wonder if Mom knew if anybody knew. My stomach churned at the thought of how she would feel. I didn't worry about Noah, I knew he'd probably just be worried about me. All he ever wanted was for me to follow my gut.

I was abandoning her, this wedding was one she planned. But it was less focused on the one that she had with more South Asian traditions to please her mother. But for mine, she took the reigns of control and scrapped most ideas thrown at her. It felt more like her day than mine at points.

My grandparents had a similar story to my mother. Her mother was an Indian and her father was Greek, my great-grandparents did not approve. So when my mother met my father, a white guy from Connecticut they understood her. Arranged marriages had been common for years in my family but my grandmother was the first to break it.

My mother and her parents had a fight years ago. I knew somehow it was over me in which my mother decided to cut them out. They hadn't spoken in years, I'd met them once.

She abandoned her family's traditions from her wedding for my wedding. But in the morning I was meant to get the one thing we both agreed on. The Mehndi ceremony when henna is applied to my hands.

I should probably be preparing for right now. But instead, I'm finding my peace. Guilt was a different kind of torture, but this type was different. I was allowed to let go and feel pain, be selfish.

The sound of whistling draws me away from the window and I move to the door. I open it to access the other part of the cabin. He sat with a red mug in hand reading a book.

"Whatcha reading?" His head pokes up to meet mine, a smile displayed on his face as he catches my gaze. I was still in a sleepy state and I knew my face was half smooshed and hair in knots with puffed cheeks.

He stared down at my legs and as I did I froze in embarrassment. My once silk bottoms were nowhere to be found and I stood in just a black oversized tee and panties. 

I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around my waist quickly, "God I am so sorry, when I get overheated in my sleep sometimes I... rip off my pants, never the underwear but-" He just continues to laugh shaking his head.

"You don't need to explain anything to me Adira, it's all good." He pats the seat beside him and I scooch in, "Coffee?" He lifts his cup and gestures to the Keurig.

"I don't like it, gives me migraines. But I enjoy the smell though, it reminds me of home." He pours a cup of water and hands it to me in an I LOVE NY mug.

"Cute cup." My fingers wrap around it tightly and he stares at my light pink painted fingernails.

"My brother Porter gave that to me for Christmas two years ago, he's got a way with gifts." I stare at the cup and giggle at the cheesy doodles on the side.