There was always you

25 | It's about time

Adira Bowen

Home felt weird with us like this. I felt like I lived in an apartment with a roommate rather than a partner. It had been a week since Lucy's wedding and I hadn't really spoke since.

I wasn't punishing him but I felt like I was. I'd talked to him minimally about work, but I didn't know what to say about the other things. I knew I loved him and I'd do almost anything for him. I wasn't afraid to be the girl who gives up everything for love.

I knew it wouldn't be everything and that I'd still be able to work. But still my life here. But it would be my own decision.

I just feel weird, he knew for so long and never told me. How could I trust him if he could keep something so huge from me for so long. I missed him, his comfort and the way he'd snuggle me in bed. He'd been in the guest room to respect my space.

But as I heard him walk through the elevator door I wanted to finally talk. I came down the steps quick to see him and he looked over at me.

"Can we talk now?" He nods his head surprised and I walked towards him stopping at his feet.

"I want us to be able to trust each other, if I'm about move my life for you. I don't want to resent you because of any secrets you've kept. I meant it when I said I want to marry you and I want life with you, however that may look. But I need to know that I can trust you, that I know you're in this completely" Those green orbs remained glued to mine for a moment in silence. Squeezing my hands he took a deep breath.

"Just wait here for me, just for a moment please" Letting go of my hands for a moment he went upstairs. I heard the door to his office open and then close, and after a few moments I saw his silhouette at the top of the stairs.

He came down, in his hands were hundreds of letters tied together in a stack. He lifts them up in his hands and as he meets me again he places them in mine.

"What are these?" I stare at the top one in a blue envelope, my name addressed at the top.

"It's every time I wanted to tell you I loved you but couldn't, I'd write you a letter that I'd never send. Some of them were burned when Jace found ones I locked in my desk. These were hidden in my safe, they belong to you" I look back down to the stack, but it confused me.

As I stared at the latest one I noticed how it was dated in the future. The one year anniversary of our trip to Monaco.

"Why is this dated for a date that's in a few months?" I watch as his eyes grew nervous with my question and instead of answering, he reached for the stack pulling out a red envelope at the bottom.

It was dated the first day of school after I just met him. He was a sophomore and I was some annoying little freshman. But he introduced me to a different side of school, one where I was welcomed and more comfortable.

"Open in" He hands me the letter and I peel off the seal and open the letter that's waited almost ten years for me.

Dear Adira,

I think I've lost my mind because the only person who it revolves around is you. I've never felt this way before, getting nervous or like I almost can't breathe around you. But the need to surround myself with you is strong, you have a presence and personality that's fierce. Meeting you this weekend felt so happenstance, you could've never seen me on the docs. I could've missed you on the sailboat, but no, we caught each other's eye. I don't do relationships, hell I don't date, but I'd do anything to have a chance with you. You're beautiful on the outside but on the inside you are heavenly. With this type of brightness you bring. I don't know what this feeling is, but I know it's a strong one. So following my gut, I'll hold onto you Adira.