Let Yourself Fall (Liam Payne)

Chapter 36 ~ Liam

Chapter 36 ~ Liam

“Damn it, Darcy!” I cry out loud when the screen goes black. It’s not late so I don’t wake anyone up, but still, the curtain of my bunk opens immediately and I meet worried expressions.

“What happened?” Harry asks as I close my own laptop with a loud thump and leave my bed, angry for my argument with Darcy and because she hung up on me, but so worried at the same time.

This is what I was scared of the most, of she not handling this properly, of she needing me by her side when I can’t be there for her. I hate that she is having a hard time, that she is suffering and I can’t be there to help her. I can’t even offer her comfort! She is so damn far away.

These past few months have been really hard with her away, I miss her all the time and even though we talk almost every day, it is not the same. If she were in London, it wouldn’t be that hard while we’re on tour, because I’d know she is at home, that she’d be there, waiting for me when I have to come back. Now I know that when I come back, she won’t be there. She’ll be far, far away. In another continent. Suffering.

I wish I could solve everything for her, fix all her problems and brush away that sadness in her chocolate eyes. I can’t take it when I see her like that, when she cries and all I want to do is to hug her tight in my arms, but she’s not here with me.

I could bear all this if, at least, I knew she is happy there, but she is not! She is in pain, she is miserable and we still have to be separated. It’s not only temporal; it’s not just a tour. No… she went to Chile to live there, with the plan of staying there forever with her family. But she hates being there.

“I had a fight with Darcy,” I explain to Harry walking past him towards the kitchen. I need water.

“’Bout what?” Zayn asks me next. I can hear them following me in the bus. We’re heading to our next destination in our tour in America. As soon as we get there, we have the sound-check and later the gig.

“About how she should tell her mum that she doesn’t like living in Chile, that she is not happy there. But she says she can’t do that to her mum and Lizzie, because they are happy,” I explain, feeling even angrier.

I know that’s Darcy, she is selfless, Lizzie is always the most important person in her world and that she would never do something that could hurt her little sister, but it just infuriates me that she can sacrifice her own happiness for other’s. That can’t be fair, no matter what. She deserves to be happy too and I hate that she can’t see that.

“But doesn’t that mean she is unhappy then?” Louis wonders and I sigh deeply as I open the fridge to take a bottle of water.

“And that’s why we fought. I told her the same,” I carry on taking the first sip of cold water, hoping it will cool down my temper a little bit. “I told her that it’s not fair that she is sacrificing her own wellbeing, but she doesn’t listen! I know she is selfless and everything, but she needs to think of herself a little bit, too!” I cry out and the lads look at me with worry in their eyes.

I think what makes me angrier is that I can’t be there to talk to her, to try to put some sense in her head so she does the right thing. Keeping all this bottle up inside will only make things worse for her. I’m not saying she should tell her mother she wants to go back to London because she doesn’t like Concepción or anything like that, I’m just saying that she should, at least, tell her mother how hard things are for her.

“I’m sorry, mate,” Niall comforts me patting my shoulder. “But maybe when we go to Chile you can talk to her and she’ll understand.”

“But until then she will be miserable, crying at night because she hates living there. How am I suppose to be at ease when I know she is not okay?” I question out loud and all the lads look at each other, trying to find the answer with teamwork. “I can’t, that’s your answer. I can’t be fine if I know she is not.”