What If We Had It All

Mixed Feelings

"Mixed Feelings"

|16|

Kalíanna

Potent emotions are just as hard to conceal as they are to control. Anger is the worst of them all. Nothing done in rage can be deemed rational. When one is drunk off rage, they tend to do horrible things and, most dangerously, say awful things-things they can't necessarily take back.

But funny enough, you may only realize this when you have sobered. When all your rage has finally dissipated. But by then it's far too late and the damage has already been done.

I can admit that I fucked up

We are all slaves to our own emotions, some are just better at hiding it than others.

And me? I wasn't good at it at all.

You can always tell the sudden change in my mood. Whether it is by the way in which I speak or sometimes I don't at all and the most notable, has to be my facial expressions.

Whatever emotion I'm feeling at the moment will be displayed on my face. I can't control it. I'm the definition of an open book.

I let out a frustrated sigh.

I was now upset with myself that I'd allow my feelings to get the best of me.

My anger was entirely misdirected.

I shouldn't have taken my anger out on, Javier.

I wasn't-or shouldn't -be upset with him.

I was the one who felt some kind of way becuase of what took place earlier.

I was the one who was confused as to why I had even felt that way at all.

It was all on me and not him.

He didn't deserve my anger.

The guilty feeling that sat on my conscience was far too heavy.

You should apologize

There is a knock at my door and I hoped that maybe it was him. I opened the door, realizing it was only the girls. "Girl, yuh done pack up?" Arielle asked, looking around the room. She walked inside, Renée and Rihanna not far behind her.

The girls and I are seated on my bed. We are having our final catch up before everyone leaves.

It's hard coming to terms with the fact that we all have separate lives, we don't see eachother as much as we used to. So, I cherish those moments that we are together.

The pressing topic of what we interrupted in the living room, arised for the second time tonight.

"Wah really did gwan?" Rihanna asked. All eyes moved to Renée. I guess we were all thinking it, anyways. But Rihanna was the one who had the balls to query about it.

To be honest, I wasn't too eager to hear what had happened.

Especially beacuse I'm not sure I'll be able to look at either of them the same.

Renée lets out a small breath of laughter.

"Talk nuh man." Arielle coaxed. While, Rihanna dramatically opened a new bag of chips as if this was her idea of top tier entertainment.

I simply looked to Renée, tilting my head in anticipation.

"Likkle sumn' gwan, ano nutn' serious." Rihanna clasped her hands as she giggled in coy like manner.