What If We Had It All

Broken Promises

"Broken Promises"

|35|

Javier

Over the years it had grown easy for me to lose the remorse I once had.

Taking people's lives wasn't a privilege I think I was somehow granted. It was just another means of surviving this gruesome world.

It was either kill or be killed.

There was no in between

When I committed murder for the first time a few years ago. I made the mistake of dwelling on the complexity of the human life. Like who's son it might have been, what future he might have had ahead of him and all those distracting things. Truth be told, it was an eye for an eye. He should have thought of that before he did what he did.

His face haunted me for as long as I could remember.

I can still see the vivid image in my mind 'till this day.

Except, the feeling of regret I felt then contorted into something far darker and unforgiving.

I can't speak for everyone but for me? It got easier. It didn't weigh on my conscience as much. With one kill after the other, I could barely recount every life I've taken over the years.

How could I?

Once the spree started, it never stopped.

The urges were almost as addictive as these drugs.

After a long shower I was finally nestled in the comfort of my room. I was gearing up for a few rounds of Call of Duty. I had everything I needed for the night, liquor, snacks, weed. . .this was my idea of an ideal setup for a gaming marathon.

The thought of Kalíanna lingered on my mind and I rest the controller on my lap reaching for my phone.

Is she awake?

It was a bit late 2:12 a.m.

The minute I opened my phone I noticed that there were thousands of calls from her that I missed. I didn't bring my phone with me because it was a liability.
I immediately hit call hoping that she was ok.

She picked up on the second ring.

I propped my phone realizing that she was yet to put her face in the camera.
I hear her let out a heavy sigh.

"Wah happen?" I was still staring at her ceiling.

"Eh dat hard fi yuh ansa eh phone, Javier?" Her voice was barely audible. It sounds like she has been crying or still is. The thought is confirmed by the few sobs that followed her small complain.

"Kalíanna, wah do yuh?" There was little I could do to help without knowing what was wrong.

Only silence filled the line.

"Ah, mi a fawud."

On my way to her house I thought about how ironic it was that I could sleep comfortably after what I'd done earlier but I couldn't sleep tonight if there was even a possibility that she wasn't ok.

Kalíanna

|35|

"What if. . ." I trailed off.

"Nuh want hear nuh what if, mi deh yah now." I'm glad he interrupted the thought because I didn't want to think about that. "And mi nuh want yah worry 'bout mi, neither." His voice rumbles in my ear as I hold him as close as I possibly could.