What If We Had It All

Drunk Confessions

"Drunk Confessions"

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Javier

Dandre laughed from his place beside me.

"Eh pussy swear seh, him did go diss' we and get weh." I smiled, using my fingers to perfect the edges of my spliff.

Childhood days with Dandre a never nothing normal. Like we deven did affi' look fi trouble, it find we.

A lot of our friends who we spent it with aren't alive today. It was crazy to think of everything that happened while we were all still so young. We lost them too early. The fact that we were still so young, trying to work things out and make sure we were better off said it all.

We couldn't end up back there, we knew that.

I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to make it out a second time.

I sparked my lighter, but I hesitated before bringing the flame up to light my spliff.

I'm filled with an unusual feeling of. . .guilt.

Worst part about it was that I didn't feel guilty often.

Guilt was a feeling of disappointment stemming from a place within someone who cared about what people thought or thought of them, period. I didn't care, or I shouldn't care as much as I do.

But I did.

I knew how she felt about everything.

And I knew how she felt about me smoking.

Fuck dat yah man

I sparked up my spliff taking a long puff.

We had all agreed to hang out at her house today. I wasn't going to allow whatever happened between me and her yesterday, mess up our plans. I could be mature about it, hopefully she would do the same.

Except, she haven't been returning any of my calls or my texts.

I didn't like that fact that she was ignoring me.

I hadn't seen her since I arrived, though.

I was wrong for what I did, yes I know that now. This game wasn't played fairly--but I shouldn't have brought her into it.

I knew it would have pissed him off seeing us together. I just didn't take into consideration how she would feel about me using that to my advantage.

I zoned out for a while; I didn't even realize that Dandre was no longer in the room with me. I look up realizing that Kali was walking down the stairs, her eyes lingered on me for a few seconds too long. She was dressed in a hoodie, I recognized to be my own. When she realizes that I caught her staring she diverts her gaze quickly, walking into the kitchen.

"Gimmie a draw." Rihanna's voice interrupts the peaceful silence. The others followed close behind her, all of them took a seat on the couch beside me. Kali made sure that she was the furthest away.

"Afta' mi nuh know wah yah do wid yuh mout'." I hissed, moving my hand away as she attempted to grab my weed.

"Suck yuhself. . .buil' one fimi den nuh."

"See one deh." I pointed to the weed board. I just wanted her to stop annoying me. She took it up and I handed her my lighter. Her actions were interrupted by Jay's loud voice booming, from across the room.

"Oye, put dung dat." I laughed. Him nuh know who him a deal wid. She lights up the spliff, nonetheless. Rihanna could care less. I gave her a sideway glance and she hits my shoulder playfully.