Queen of My Heart

26: I'll Still Find A Way

  I was half in tears when I said "Then what do I do?"

  "You could try getting your memory back the manual way. Slowly going back to your life and looking at things that mean a lot to you. Or you could live your life as you do now, unknowing of your past. In all fairness, you did have a hard life and in the past, you might've chosen this method in the first place. Again, I'm sorry."

  "Thank you for trying." And I think that I saw pity and maybe guilt in her eyes. I've been seeing a lot recently, not just in her but most adults in my life. I didn't like being looked at this way. It made me feel weak and dependent. Or incomplete.

  I somehow made it out of the place. I was going to have awful memories of it. If I even remember this incident tomorrow. Even if it was the middle of the day, I wanted to go back to sleep. I was exhausted. Who was to stop me? I was mentally damaged and unable forever, presumably. I was actually counting on this spell a lot because I wasn't having much progress except weird feelings of deja vu or feeling certain strong emotions when I do something.

  Alex somehow was the first to hear, probably because he was doing a meeting, and Fairy Godmother showed up? He came to me and saw me crying my eyes out, but silently. He came into bed with me and hugged my arms, binding them together. He turned me sideways and placed his head on the curve between my shoulder and neck. It was really pleasant and I had a feeling that we have done this before. The sense of deja vu.

  In the night, he dragged me out of bed and made me eat dinner. He was really caring and while I didn't think much of it when we were hugging, I was now wondering how I didn't implode or spontaneously combust yet. I knew that these feelings were wrong and I already had a wonderful boyfriend, and at this point I was extremely confused. Maybe I didn't have these feelings before I lost my memory? Torri and Flynn were yet to arrive.

  "Hey Alex,"

  "What's up, Queenie?"

  "What if I don't get my memory back?"

  "Don't worry, I'll find a way."

  "What if it doesn't work?"

  "Then I'll still find a way. Another one, and another one, until you get them back."

  "You'd do that for me?" I was extremely touched.

  "I'd do anything for you. We have been each-other's 'comfort person' since we were both young. I can't just ignore that and everything that you have done for me, without repaying you in some way. This, I believe, is the bare minimum I can do. And I'm willing to do more!"

  "Thank you Alex."

  "You know, you used to call me Lexie."

  "Would you like me to call you Lexie again?"

  "Only if you would like to."

  "Sure! It feels more friendly and unofficial."

  When Torri and Flynn eventually joined us, they saw us joking around, talking about random topics and me calling him 'Lexie', and assumed that I got my memory back. When they found out that it was actually the opposite situation, they both were exceptionally disappointed and I told them "We can make new memories. I think that there is an extremely small chance that the spell can be lifted by trying."

  "Hang on... it's a spell?" Torri asked me.

  "Well, according to Fairy Godmother, it is a spell or a curse depending on the person who is thinking about it. But in essence, yes, magic was used."

  "Are you okay though?" Flynn asked me. I shot him a smile. Lexie said back "Well, would she? How would you feel if you had a curse on you that made you lose your memory?"

  "Well, pretty awful, don't you think?"

  "Okay boys, break it up, break it up. Don't be such rotten apple cores." Torri said. She looked at me if I had any recognition in me, but I had a mini migraine. Lights and colours were flashing at me, making sight blurry. I woke up the next day, in my dorm, unaware how I got there. I'm assuming that someone carried me here.

  Since it was morning, everyone had classes and Fairy Godmother gave me another week off, I had nothing to do. So I looked through my items of clothing, journals, textbooks, guitar and explored my school. No items of clothing had much effect on me except a bright red blazer that gave off a strong sense of nostalgia.

  The funny thing was, I had no feelings when I looked at the textbook. I'm assuming that I wasn't a star student. Except for my chemistry book and home economics book. For chemistry, I felt a rush of adrenaline, I believe, and home economics, extreme annoyance. Maybe I was good at chemistry and something embarrassing happened during home economics class?

  I had no idea what to do now. Or rather, how to do it. I was going to get my memory back, but how?