Pat

Final Goodbye

“Oh my gosh, Pete,” I said hugging him. Pete had moved to Britain to further his studies then ended up working and staying there.

“How’ve you been?”

“I’m good, how are you? Where are my manners? Come in,”

“I’m good too,”

“When did you get back?”

“I landed last night and wanted you to be the first person I see,”

“That is awfully sweet of you, can I get you something to drink?”

“Some coffee would be nice,”

“Lucky for you I have a pot brewing,”

“Since when did you start taking coffee?”

“It was more of an influence. I have a guest that likes her coffee so I always have a pot ready,”

“She must be a frequent visitor,”

“She is,” I handed him a cup and sat down across from him.

“Liz, I’m sorry I wasn’t there during that trying time. I wanted to be here but they wouldn’t let me because I had just started and couldn’t get an approved leave of absence that soon,”

“It’s okay, it’s all in the past now,”

“Can you believe it’ll be a year since he passed on in a few weeks?”

“I know, time really does fly,”

“Have you been talking to your in-laws?”

“I’m trying to avoid them at all cost. It’s like they want me to suffer to prove to them that I’m mourning their child,”

“There’s something Gabe left me with,”

“I don’t want it, give it to them,”

“I take it you found out about his daughter,”

“You knew about it too?”

“I wanted him to tell you but someone advised him against it,”

“Who?”

“It’s better you hear it from him,”

“He’s dead Pete, the dead don’t talk,”

“He sent me a recording before he died,”

“What are you talking about Pete? Why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you send it sooner?”

“I wanted to personally give it to you,” He took out his phone, scrolled through it then handed it to me after he settled on a video.

“I don’t know if I’m going to live or die today that’s why I’m sending this video to you, Pete. If anything should happen to me give this video to my wife and no one else but if I come out of this alive delete it,” he said and laughed.

“Where do I start? An apology won’t be enough to cover what you might feel after learning the truth. The truth I was so desperate to hide from you. It goes back to when we got married. My family was against me marrying a woman with a child.

They said I needed a woman who was like me so we could start a family from scratch but I loved you and you having a child never bothered me in the least. However, I was always scared. Scared that you’ll get your memory back and leave me.

My family got me a girl. They said I should have a legitimate heir, my own male child. That was after Joey was born. At first I refused but fear overtook me and I decided to have a backup in case you left.

We'd been married for a while but we weren’t having sex so I thought you were already considering it. It was never my intention to get her pregnant. I just wanted her company.

Unfortunately, as fate would have it, Pat found out when she saw us at the coast during one of my solo vacations. She attacked me in a club. She said she was coming for you if I didn’t value what we had.

We did manage to cool down and talked it over. She said she wasn’t going to rat on me because she knew what it’ll do to you and she was content having you alive and happy. I promised her I’d end it with the other woman and I did.

A few weeks after I did, the woman told me she was pregnant. I couldn’t have that so I told her to terminate it but instead she went to my mom who was against the termination. I told them if they were adamant on keeping the child I didn’t want anything to do with it and that under no circumstances were you ever supposed to find out about it.

They said if I didn’t want you to find out I was supposed to take responsibility for that child. Luckily, she gave birth to a girl. I was so relieved because I knew they would have forcefully made her my second wife if she gave birth to a boy.

That’s when I knew things were really bad, that’s why when we bought the land I insisted that it was to be under your name, that way they wouldn’t do anything stupid.

Anyway, I don’t know how Pat found out about the other child but she did. She told me that the only way she was never going to tell you was if I let her see Chance again. I should have known she was bluffing. She told me that under no circumstances was I ever supposed to tell you until we were sure you were okay.

If I make it out of here I’m not telling it to you until we are both old and grey. I love you so much Liz and I’ll always be grateful that you chose me over her. I know it was never an easy choice, you still loved her even if you didn’t know her and I envy that.

I wish you could love me the same way but I guess we all have our positions in life. If by any chance you two cross paths again when I’m no longer there you have my blessing to be with her. It’ll only prove that you were meant to be and I was a hindrance that needed to be removed.

You deserve all the happiness in the world and I’m sorry I’ve done anything but make you happy. In a lighter note if this message is going to reach you I’m relieved that I won’t be around to face your wrath. Your anger is something out of this world and I’m afraid you’re going to pull a ‘you’re dead to me’ on me,” he laughed but it turned into crying,

“I’m so scared that I’m actually talking to you for the very last time. I had so many plans for us and our kids. I wanted to see them grow up and go to college and work and get married and have kids of their own.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life sleeping and waking up next to you. I wanted to see your hair turn white and wrinkles form on that beautiful face of yours. I wanted to tell you and show you how much I loved you every day for the rest of our lives.

If I should get out of here alive that’s exactly what I’m going to do, I’m going to protect you from my family and I’ll show you how much I love you. But if I don’t make it, forgive me for leaving you alone with them, forgive me for betraying your trust and I pray you find it in your heart to forgive me.

Please do not pull a ‘you’re dead to me’ on me. I don’t want the kids to forget about me. Tell them I love them and I’m sorry I won’t be around to help them with their homework when you lose your cool or pretend to scold them when they do something cool that you don’t approve of…” there was a loud bang before the message abruptly ended.  I didn’t notice how much I had cried as I heard his message.

“Why did you take so long to give me this?” I asked when I composed myself, “I actually pulled a ‎ ‘you’re dead to me’ on a dead man that asked me not to,”

“I wanted to give it you personally. I wanted to come visit you as soon as I landed but it was late so I decided to come first thing in the morning,”

“When are you leaving?”

“After his anniversary service,”

I kept watching the video long after Pete left and every time I watched it, it felt like I was doing it for the first time and it still brought tears to my eyes.