𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃│✔

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟔

Pandora

♡

They're staring at me.

All of them, as if I'm a monster that has been living in disguise until now. I knew this would happen from the moment I crossed the portal with Atticus, I suppose I wasn't mentally prepared for the audience waiting for me on the other side. The sneers evident on the Royal Council's faces as they prepare their lips to spit on me the worst insult they can come up with. Not knowing, I've probably heard all of them, and many far worst, before. That's why I refuse to look any one in the eye, the moment I step foot on the Palace grounds. That, and I'm practically holding back the cough itching the back of my throat. Remain dignified, I tell myself as I strode through the hallways at fast pace, just a couple more seconds.

A couple more...

The oak doors of my room locks with a soft click, and I fall to the ground grabbing at my throat helplessly as the droplets of blood stain the expensive rugs. A mixture of bloodied saliva accumulating at the corners of my mouth the raspier the coughs get. A solid five minutes later, I sit against the door in a mess of blood and shallow short-coming breaths. Wiping off the gleam of sweat on my forehead with my sleeve before standing up, legs trembling like a faun who's still learning how to walk. Only when I look down at my horrendous state, do I let the tears follow. 

The streams flowing down my chin, staining my attire that was once white, into an even bigger mess of silver, gold and sweat. Now, I'll have to be all alone again, probably should get used to maids avoiding me like they used to, and Candice and Ezra snickering behind my back like the other noble ladies used to. Maybe the King will finally cease to look at me with such warm gazes, and finally look at me like everybody else does in the end.

Distrust.

Fear.

And, a whole lot of disgust.

You knew, didn't you?

That once they see the other side of me, they'll leave me, that's why you showed them. In the end, I'll always be by myself. Even though I deep down knew, that after I showed them the other side of me, they'll hate me too. Who doesn't, who wouldn't? Not being able to bear it anymore, I undress in one strong rip, letting the pieces of cloth fall at my feet. Quickly, I change into something cleaner, more modest. A simple pair of black trousers and grey shirt, before throwing the window open in a strong haul. Eyes closed, breath in, I let myself fall. The calmness of midnight cohering me into looking up at the sky, at Chantara trying to coax me into coming back home. The peace of falling shouldn't last more than a couple of seconds, before I land on my feet fifty feet down.

Running, I create as much space between me and that darn Palace that seems to follow my every move with judging eyes. I don't stop, even when I reach the border of the forest behind the gardens. I can't stop, even when my consciousness screams at me to turn around and go back to the security of my own chambers. When I pass the tree where I lost my veil, and came eye-to-eye with him the first night I got here, I refuse to stop. I push though, and let my feet carry me wherever they wish to go - as far from everyone, and everything as possible. And when I see a cliff up ahead, I fasten my pace at the physical end of my path, forcing me to jump into the shadow of the night. Into the unknown of darkness.

A waterfall.

I jump from the top of a waterfall, into an azure lake of sweet water. The warm temperature of it indulging me in a bizarre comfort. The world around me goes into a frenzy of silence, my fingertips and toes cleansing themselves form residues of blood. Still waters ruffle my hair, debris of dirt and mud floating around me in small particles.

Loneliness has always been my home.

Silence will always be my refuge.

And so, I close my eyes and enjoy its comfort, until the burning sensation in my lunges spreads over my entire chest. Swimming back to the surface, I make eye contact with an owl, hiding between the secure branches of the tree it's perched on. Swimming to the border of the lake, I push myself out of the water, ignoring the discomfort when I lay wet on the grass. I detest the sticky feelings of wet clothes on my skin, yet I remain immobile. Gaping at the stars while imitating their form with my body.

"Will I ever be one of them?" I wonder out loud, not waiting for nature's answer to continue my monologue. So many years, so many stars, yet I'm not even certain if there'll be a place for me up there.

"Will I be there? Between all the other blessed souls of the deceased? Will I ever become on of them?" I wait for a couple of minutes, minutes that might or might not have turned into hours. I wouldn't know, the moon isn't particularly helpful when it comes to keeping up with flow of time. She has her way with stardust to enchant you. A lantern leading the way for the lost ones to find purpose, a way out of an eternity of calamities and mortal sufferings.

A home to the deceased.

A home.

Snapping out of my slump, I lazily get up and shake off any persistent grass sticking to my butt.

Once back, I hesitate when I notice the light illuminating my chambers and am met with a shrill scream from Eleanor who had her back towards the window.

"Pandora! What in Heaven's name were you..." she pauses, eyes widening once again when she takes notice of my dissshevelled state.

"Where were you for you to be drenched like this? Everyone were concerned when you were nowhere to be found!" I bet they were, after today, they probably won't keep me out of their line of sight ever again.

"I was just out to take some air."

"And where was that!?"

"You know, out." Never mind, I'll definitely get in trouble if she were to find out, even more so if she would carry the word to the King.

She breaths out longly, her hand on her heart to calm the palpitating heartbeat so loud that any one outside the room can probably hear it.

"I came here to tell you that Sir Damien invited you to the soldier's quarters to celebrate the completion of Hilas."

"We don't even know if the witness will be of any help." I don't even know why the King wanted me to bring Atticus back, we don't even know if what he'll say is of any truth. People will say any thing to stay alive.

"Besides, I don't think that bringing me there will be of any good for the ambiance. My presence will only be a mood killer. I'll just go to sleep." As I'm saying that I walk to my wardrobe, reaching for my nightgown, when Eleanor practically jumps in front of me.

"He also told me to tell you that he'll send Sir Adrien to escort you if you oppose." Great, just perfect. I can't even drown in my own self hatred in peace.

"So, it's an obligation rather than an invitation, is what you mean?"

I regret my sneer the moment her round eyes look down in shame. She plays no role in this fiasco, it's uncalled for of me to lash it out on her.

"I didn't mean to sound heinous, I apologise. Could you prepare a bath for me then? I'm not exactly dressed to go out." I joke softly, pleased when the excitement comes back to her relaxed features.

"I'll be right back!" Her excitement contaminates my cloudy mood, and I find myself smiling at her back when she hurries out. Too tired to care, I don't think twice about the genuine of my short display of happiness. She helps me get rid of all dirt and blood, currently lacing the back of my green dress as I stare into space. Today's exhaustion catching up to me evident of my droopy eyes and regular yawns. Which lead to Eleanor and I sharing a series of them, one after the other, our brains being triggered by seeing another person struggling to keep up with the fatigue.