Hear me Roar - English version

CHAPITRE 15 - "I want her to watch."

               I wake up with Joffrey. I don't remember anything from last night, I was way too drunk. The slow and deep breathing of my new husband lets me guess that he had a great time. I remove the sheets that cover me to discover that the inside of my thighs full of blood.

              My blood stops flowing: it is not that time of the month, I know it, I scrupulously keep the accounts. In addition, every time my menstruation comes, the pain is too strong for me to make only one movement.

                I get up from the bed to inspect the sheets and my crotch. When I lift the sheets that cover Joffrey, I realize he is naked. There's a naked man in my bed, my thighs are bleeding and I have no idea what happened.

               I hear my heart beating in my ears and my lungs retracting on themselves. I try to catch my breath, but nothing does, I have the impression that I will faint except that nothing happens. I am paralyzed.

               The walls are getting closer and closer, my crotch is painful, nothing will ever go well: Joffrey raped me.

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               Once washed and dressed, I leave the room without knowing where to go. I don't want to torment my father with this story, he has many other problems. I can't go to Littlefinger, I left him yesterday and told him that we had better keep our distance. And Sansa won't listen to me.

               Still, I know someone has to know. Someone has to bear that weight with me because I can't do it alone. Or maybe it's better if I keep it to myself.

               After several minutes wandering around the castle, I come face to face with Cersei, my best friend. I bow down in an elegant bow, hoping that it will be enough for her and that she will leave.

"Get up" she says.

"Majesty... What can I do for you?"

"We must talk about your father."

               Without hesitation, I stand up and stand beside her. The queen-mother tells me that Ned will be tried in a few days, in front of the inhabitants of King's Landing. He must confess his crimes and recognize Joffrey as the only true king.

"And once he's done, will he be free?" I ask.

"I can't promise anything, Joffrey has the final decision."

"Sansa told me she pleaded her case... Joffrey was receptive, right?"

"It is true but only because I told him to be affectionate with Sansa."

"I almost forgot that you wanted to make her your queen of company..."

               I know that's still the case. Cersei is still going to use Sansa one way or another. If it's not to appease Robb or to have my father executed, it'll be to hurt me.

               What is fascinating in her way of acting is that Cersei does not hide her game. Even though we know her purpose and plan, for some reason she always does.

"You know my father doesn't deserve this treatment" I tell her. "He acted according to what he thought was most fair and honourable."

"Do you think that was fair and honourable?"

"I think you know the truth better than anyone" I answer. "Ned wants to put Robert's true heir on the throne, I think that's fair."

"And honourable?"

"And honourable" I say. "Those two words don't mean he made the best decision for the kingdom. Stannis would not make a good king, it is true. But neither would Joffrey."