Hear me Roar - English version

CHAPTER 36 - "Your Turn."

               Every day since this discussion, I have been inspecting my stomach with caution. If I were pregnant, I would have to feel some effects. Like morning sickness. Except the only thing I do in the morning is pray to the gods to leave me alone for another day.

               Tywin Lannister mentioned the possibility of testing me by mixing my urine with wine, a method worthy of this family of alcoholics. Maester Pycelle offered me to urinate on wheat and barley, which I considered a waste of food. So, we expect a physical change.

               While waiting for the weeks to pass, I enjoy these peaceful times in the capital. The plots seem to have subsided since the Battle of the Blackwater or, at least, since Tywin's return.

               The Tyrells settled in the royal gardens. Therefore, it is impossible to walk outside without crossing a girl in a green outfit too light for the season. Aside from their covetousness for the King's Landing fashion market, the Tyrells are pleasant people.

               Margaery has been thinking about becoming my friend since her engagement to Tommen was formalized. It is true that I thought she was very close to Joffrey, but it seems that I was wrong. This young girl is full of resources. She is smart and manages to pass her malice as the cutest thing there is.

               My husband, whom I mentioned earlier, has become very pleasant. And not only with me. I think that this wind of freshness from the Reach makes us all feel good

" What are you doing?" asks Sansa before sitting next to me.

               I turn away from the Blackwater Bay to find my little sister's beautiful blue eyes. My wound brought us closer. Even now that I have found all my abilities, Sansa likes to stay with me.

"I'm thinking, nothing very exciting, I assure you."

               I would very much like to confide in someone, but I cannot involve my sister in this, she already has enough to do with her own problems.

"Diana, I'm worried" she admits.

"Tell me everything..."

               I take her fragile hands in mine. They're cold, as always in the North.

"I worry about your behavior. You spend hours sitting on that bench, even Lord Tyrion couldn't get you to move."

               Tyrion... He came to see me a few days ago but, since I'm trying to nip my feelings for him in the bud, I decided not to pay too much attention to him.

"I'm concerned" I answer. "Don't worry about me."

"When you're not here, you just eat. You never did that."

               Intrigued, I stand up. She is right. I've always enjoyed eating, like everyone else, but I never had a craving before, never a sudden craving. I get up and smooth my dress at the belly.

"Do you think I got fat?" I ask my sister.

"Hum... Diana..."

"Answer sincerely."

"You... It is true that you took a little belly... But you are still so pretty!"

               I put both hands on my stomach and concentrate. Each breath brings me a little closer to the truth, to the inside of myself. How had I not seen it before? I must be in my fourth month of pregnancy.

"Sansa" I say taking her head in my hands. "You will soon be able to leave, to go home. You will choose a good husband and you will be happy. It's coming soon, I promise."

"What are you saying? You're going mad!"

"I have to go. I'll see you tonight at dinner!"

"Diana!"

               I'm already too far away for her to add anything. I'm terrified, my hands are shaking but I keep moving forward. Even if Sansa finds a life worthy of the name, I condemn myself. Worse, I lock myself up in a tower and throw the key out the window.

               I walk into the apartments of Tywin where, as soon as I pass the door, a dozen eyes turn towards me. It's been so long since I've been in the castle that I've disconnected from the affairs of the kingdom. So, to see the Small Council together surprises me more than it annoys me.

"Your Majesty" says Tywin. "What owes us the pleasure of your visit?"

"Don't make me think this is a pleasure, Lannister. I will attend your meeting before I announce my own good news."

               From behind the back of his chair, Tyrion's head appears. Surely, he wanted to check that I was not Joffrey. Except that his presence brings me only more confusion.

               Tywin refocuses on his advisors and no longer looks at me until, when Varys announces the death of my grandfather, Hoster Tully, all await my reaction. I knew him very little because he almost never visited us. The last time I saw him was for Arya's 10 birthday.

               So, I decide not to say anything. Only Tyrion and Varys express their condolences to me.

"In the absence of Robb Stark" the Spider explains. "Roose Bolton holds Harrenhal. Which would seem to make him the lord of Harrenhal in practice, if not in title."

               Next to him, Baelish, newly appointed lord of this castle, keeps smiling. Yet, I know him pricked deep inside.

"The title is much more than this useless pile of rubble" Tywin responds. "The lord of Harrenhal will make a worthy suitor for the widow Arryn."

"Which I am extremely grateful for" says Littlefinger.

               What a disgusting character. My mother, me, and now my aunt? But what kind of degenerate does that?

"Lady Arryn and I have known each other since childhood, she has always been quite positive towards me."

               Varys and I exchange a look. It looks like I'm going to end up having one, a morning sickness.

"If he succeeded in seducing her, it would make Lord Baelish the true Protector of the Val" objects Pycelle.

"Titles seem to generate new... titles."

"Leave for The Eyrie as soon as possible and bring Lysa Arryn into our fold. Then the Young Wolf can add his own aunt to the list of people who took up arms against him."

"Far be it from me to interfere with genuine love" interrupts Tyrion. "But the absence of Lord Baelish could cause some problems. The marriage of Tommen and Lady Margaery will be extremely expensive for the Crown. Summer is over, difficult days await. This is not a good time to leave the finances of the kingdom unattended."

"All right" Tywin answers to my surprise. "That's why I'm making you the new Master of Coin."

               The discussion ended, as the lords of the Council prepare to leave the room, I rise to stop them. For the sake of transparency, I inform them of my agreement with the Hand. That he would find a suitable husband in Sansa if I gave an heir to King Joffrey. I ignore the part that does not concern us – the part where I run away from the capital if I lose the child – to avoid some protest.

"What are you trying to tell us?" asks me Tyrion that I feel concerned.

"I'm with child."

               We can hear a fly in the ointment. No one here is happy with the news. Cersei and Tywin hate me, Baelish probably wanted it to be his, Tyrion and Varys are more worried about my survival than the child's and Pycelle... I don't even think he heard me.

               I am sorry for that little angel. I am sorry for the context in which he will be born and the family he will inherit. I hope in any case that he will be loved by all.

               I stand in front of Tywin, ready to fight.

"Your turn."