Cry Me A River

No One Knows Me

After dropping Cam and Jason off at daycare (Ryan took the bus), I arrived at school, shivering. The nightmare I had still haunted me, probably even more than normal due to the fact that I hadn't heard from my mom in over a week. I was wearing one of Ryan's hoodies and wool leggings, my feet warmed by fuzzy boots I had bought from the thrift store down the street with some money that I had earned at work. Even though the heat was turned up in my car, my teeth were chattering and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

Inside the building I felt the warmth blowing in from the vents, but I was still chilled to the bone, the scenes from the dream running through my head like a movie film. No, I told myself, That's not what happened and you know it. But I couldn't get the images out of my mind: it was as if everything was on repeat. 

I opened my locker silently, not bothering to even smile at Will, Maria and Janie. Even though we weren't friends, I had made a point to give them a friendly wave, because I didn't like the idea of being angry. I had too much hatred in my life to give some of it to friends, even if they deserved it. But today I didn't, I couldn't. The muscles in my face weren't up for smiling...it was as if I was sinking and wasn't bothering to fight my way out. I was tired of fighting, tired of keeping up a brave face. 

Jesse came up to me at my locker and gave me a hug which half-heartedly returned. His eyebrows scrunched in concern. 

"Wanna talk about it?" That's what I liked about him so much, I didn't even have to tell him there was something wrong, he just knew. 

"No, everything's fine." Lies. 

"You sure? Because you look like you saw a ghost." I shook my head. 

"I'm fine." Taking out my paper, I glanced at my schedule for the new trimester. Mrs.Anderson had sent me an email reminding me I was in the twelfth grade science class this time, and I was nervous as hell. Partially because I wanted to do well.....but also because I wasn't sure I'd fit in. 

The bell rang and I gave Jesse a small smile then headed to the classroom that it said on the paper, while he sprinted to his locker to get his books for his class. I made it to the room with a minute or two to spare and poked my head in. The teacher looked up and motioned for me to come in.

"Hi Sweetie, you must be Charlotte!" I gave her a hesitant nod and she clapped. "Awesome sauce! Take a seat- any seat!" She made it seem like we were on a jeopardy show and I could swear my mouth dropped. I had heard that Mrs.August was strict, so I wasn't expecting....well I wasn't expecting anything close to this. 

"Okay." I had just started making my way from the front of the room, past the questioning eyes, when Jesse appeared in the doorway panting. He glanced up and when he saw me he raised his eyebrow in confusion. 

"Whoa Charlie. You're not in this class." I shrugged but before I could reply, Mrs.August laughed in excitement and that caught the entire class's attention. 

"Ms.Charlotte here had to be moved up from her course because she wasn't being challenged! So here she is!" I felt a blush spread across my cheeks like wildfire. Attention was not something I was used to or wanted; it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. But Jesse didn't seem to mind and pushed past me to an open lab table. 

"Here, sit next to me." I smiled gratefully and slipped into the seat, pulling out my notebook that was already mostly filled with my extensive notes. Mrs.August cleared her throat, but before she began to give a lecture I heard Jesse's husky whisper in my ear. 

"You're cute when you blush." Of course that didn't help the situation...it actually made it worse. I glared at him feeling the heat on my cheeks get more intense.