I'm Not Her

Chapter 21: I'm Not Seeing Him

Chapter 21:

I ran my hand through my blonde hair, once, twice, and finally three times. My leg was shaking as I sat on my couch and scrolled through my Instagram feed. I was supposed to see Zayn in concert tonight and I knew I wasn't emotionally ready to see him again. He was the reason I left, after all. Being in the same country as him was bad enough, but the last thing I wanted to do was see him in concert. What if he saw me? What if he still hated me? Of course he'd still hate me. I could still see the anger in his eyes and remembered how angry he was when he yelled at me. 

And Kylie just had to have backstage passes as well didn't she? I had considered locking myself in my bathroom and pretend to vomit or have some weird illness so Kylie would leave me alone, but unfortunately that wouldn't work either. Kylie's mother was a doctor and she knew a lot about illnesses and...well I wouldn't get away with anything if I tried. 

However, my plan so far was to go to the bathroom after the concert and stay there. Kylie could meet them alone and I could just stay...in the bathroom...for the rest of the night.

Kylie had gotten me a shirt, plastered with One Direction's faces on it. I refused to wear it, but she told me to keep it. I would probably wear it to sleep or something. But that was weird in many other ways, considering that I knew all five of these boys even if they knew me as someone else at the time. 

Intead of dressing like an obsessed fangirl, because I definitely wasn't one, I dressed up just enough so Kylie wouldn't yell at me. 

I had decided on a faded tank top with a British flag printed on it, since I had refused to wear the One Direction shirt Kylie so desperately wanted me to wear. With that, I wore a pair of my favorite denim shorts. Paired with that, I wore a pair of black combat boots. 

"PENELOPE!" Kylie screamed from the other side of the door. I reluctantly got up to open the door for the screaming girl. "LET'S GO! I'm so excited!"

"Yeah, I know," I sighed. I was trying to be excited, but I couldn't. I knew that once I was in the concert, I would be surrounded by screaming and jumping girls. Then there'd be me, trying to avoid looking at the one single person that I thought I loved. I had to move on though right? I couldn't just let one boy dictate how I lived for the rest of my life! 

But I found his hazel eyes so mesmerizing and his touch igniting. His laugh had the ability to make me feel all these emotions that I had never felt before. I guess that's what love feels like right? But love also sucks. 

It leaves you with a feeling of guilt, dread, and questions like: What could I have done? What did I do? Why did it have to end the way it did?

Kylie told me to hurry up countless times as I gathered by phone, money, and keys into my purse. Kylie was shaking, jumping up and down. I swore she was a thirteen year old at heart. I was pretty sure that I was the only person holding her back from letting out a full and loud scream. 

As soon as I locked my apartment, Kylie grabbed my arm and started dragging me out of the building, telling me over and over how late we already were. 

She was my best friend, yes, but she was sometimes too crazy for me to believe. Kylie shoved me into her car and sat down in the driver's seat. She fixed her rearview mirror, did a little breathing exercise, then started the engine. 

"I take that you're not the biggest fan of One Direction?" Kylie assumed. In more ways than one, I had been less enthusiastic to the idea of attending a One Direction concert than she. It wasn't that I hated their music, I just didn't want to see Zayn in person. I could take seeing him on billboards, seeing him on magazines, and listening to him on the radio. What I couldn't take, however, was actually seeing him in person.